Loneliness is a good friend

It is difficult to dismantle the belief that loneliness or feeling alone is something dramatic. Human beings are social by nature, we like to feel accompanied and feel that someone cares about us.

Since the times of the caves we learned that everything was easier being accepted in a social groupcollaborating and facing threats all together, since being alone we had a good chance of not surviving.

“Why, in general, is loneliness avoided? Because there are very few who find company with themselves”

-Carlo Dossi-

Why are we afraid of being alone?

We feel this fear of being alone because we have carried this information burden on our backs for millions of years, even though those real dangers are no longer present. Besides, Society, education and culture have contributed to reinforcing certain irrational beliefs about loneliness.

Who has not heard the phrase: he is going to stay to dress saints? o At 40 years old and alone, something must be wrong! It is essential that we realize that the central problem is what we tell ourselves about the facts. That is to say, The problem is not loneliness itself, the problem is what you tell yourself about it, how you fit it, how you interpret it and what meaning you give it.

If we are able to think rationally we will understand that, in the first place, loneliness is not even real.

Nowadays we live in crowded places and we are incredibly connected to each other thanks to social networks. It may be that perhaps this is not enough for you, and you feel alone because you are single or live completely alone, but I repeat that The problem is not that, but your way of seeing it, the dialogue you are having with yourself. about it. That’s what makes you anxious or depressed or feel that great emptiness inside.

“Our great torment in life comes from the fact that we are alone and all our actions and efforts tend to flee from that loneliness.”

Obviously, if I tell myself a hundred times a day, or more, that being alone is something terrible, that no one loves me or that I will die alone, my emotions will be very intense and I will become fatal because of ideas and thoughts that do not even correspond. with reality.

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You are your best company

People who fear loneliness so much also feel that they are not capable of taking care of themselves in the world. They need someone by their side to be able to live happily and this is also false.since reality shows us that nobody needs anyone for anything.

It is this lack of security and self-confidence that makes them anxious. On many occasions, some people stay for years and years next to another person who does them more harm than good, simply because of that intense fear of being alone. They prefer to have a hard time rather than take the step to find themselves.

But this is a serious mistake, because Learning to be alone is extremely necessary to be able to grow and mature psychologically..

Knowing how to be alone is realizing that in reality, your best company is yourself and that thanks to this, you connect with your being, you trust your possibilities and you notice that you are capable of walking through life alone.

How can I manage my loneliness?

Pay attention to your internal dialogue

The first step is review our internal dialogue: What does loneliness mean to me?

If you are telling yourself that loneliness is a terrible thing, that it is dangerous to be alone and that you cannot fend for yourself in life, you have a problem. You must change those irrational ideas for more rational, more realistic ones.

Dare to debate with yourself, Look for evidence for and against those thoughts, analyze those fears and check whether or not you have the resources to face them and if they are really that bad. This analysis will surprise you and you will see that this fear has no basis.

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spend time with you

Force yourself to spend time alone. In order to change, we must not only act on a mental or cognitive level, but also on a behavioral level.

Schedule entire weekends alone, with your own company and if you want, a book or movie but without social networks. Go to the movies, to the beach, to the mountains, alone. Take a trip without any company. When you train this long enough, you will see that you have survived, that those fears were not real and that you have met your true self and now know yourself better.

Connect with others

Manage your time to also surround yourself with people. Loneliness is not good if we transform it into a continuous way of life. Open yourself to the world and meet people free of prejudices.

Many times we are alone because we also ask for it. We put a “but” to every person who crosses our life and this is because we do not understand that people are not perfect and there is no being that is one hundred percent going to complement or satisfy us.

Therefore, another step is to realize that There are millions of people out there wanting to meet you. and you know them, but you have to open yourself.

Knowing how to be alone is essential to know ourselves and relate to others, don’t forget it. Good company with ourselves is the support of our well-being.