Psychological abuse from parents to adult children

Psychological abuse from parents to adult children is a reality. Manipulation, blackmail, words that hurt and hurt, comments that continue to feed the same insecurity as in childhood… Sometimes, with maturity, the ties that hurt are not cut or repaired and the same dynamics continue to occur, those that reduce self-esteem. and even the quality of one’s life.

There are circumstances that remain invisible in our society. Psychological abuse has many forms and falls on various types of victims. There are elderly people who suffer abuse from their children, children who suffer the effects of harmful upbringing and there are also men and women who, even having reached maturity and even independence from the home, remain subject to the aggressive treatment of a father, a mother or both.

What can be done in these cases? Exposing these types of circumstances to social services or other organizations is for many little more than an irony. What sense does it make to now put on the table something that has been experienced since we can remember? There are those who do not see it as feasible, those who have assumed it and continue to maintain daily contact with that abusive family member.

Because there is something obvious: Abuser and victim always have a bond, a bond that feeds dependency, fear and even affection. A harmful affection, it is true; a poisoned love between parents and children. However, these situations occur frequently, persist and become chronic.

Psychological abuse from parents to adult children, what does it consist of?

We define psychological mistreatment or abuse as any behavior aimed at controlling and subjugating another human being through the use of fear, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, projection of blame, coercion, manipulation and even constant disapproval.

These forms of aggression do not leave a mark on the skin, but they hurt psychological integrity. The impact on a child’s mind, for example, can be devastating. If this type of abuse continues for decades, we can already imagine the dimension of the wound, the alteration in such basic aspects as self-esteem, identity, personal security, etc.

Psychological abuse from parents to adult children does not appear overnight. This responds to a dynamic that has its origin and beginning in childhood. Which explains why many people reach adulthood with heavy emotional “baggage,” with a history of psychological abuse that leaves, in many cases, the shadow of post-traumatic stress disorder.

However, The most striking thing is that they usually make notable efforts to appear normal. There are very few people in his immediate environment who know these facts. Sometimes, not even the most intimate friends ever know about this abuse, about those circumstances that are silenced and always remain behind closed doors.

When monsters are the parents and we normalize psychological abuse

When we affirm that it is common for psychological abuse to occur from parents to adult children, the first thing that comes to mind is why. How can anyone endure that circumstance? Isn’t it better to put distance and break ties with abusers forever?

The answer is not simple because The bond between a victim and an abuser is tremendously complex. Sometimes, even when experiencing adverse circumstances, coagulated by anguish, fear, humiliation and contempt, one can continue loving the person who hurts one. Because, after all, it is your father or mother and when nothing else has been known, many of these events become “normalized.”

Thus, and while these adult children endure and fight in that ambivalence that goes between affection and fear, love and hate, abusive parents do not change just because that child is an adult. Contempt, criticism, humiliation and emotional manipulation continue to be useful to control and exercise power.

Monsters do not become damsels as they age. Generally, they continue to need your command and authority because it is part of their personality and essence.

Psychological abuse from parents to adult children, what is the effect?

One of the consequences of suffering emotional abuse since childhood is developing post-traumatic stress disorder in adulthood. Community studies such as those carried out at the University of Utrecht and the University of Coimbra, in Portugal, show the significance of this relationship. Thus, psychological abuse that continues even into adulthood usually has the following consequences:

Problematic and unsatisfactory emotional relationships.Low self-esteem, feeling of worthlessness, destruction of pride, personal security, motivation, etc. Emotional repression, tendency to hide one’s own emotions.Anxiety episodesstress, sleep disorders, etc.

What can be done in these situations?

If there is something priority it is that the adult child is fully aware of this abuse and the need to confront the situation. Often, behind these realities lies dependency, both emotional and economic (many children cannot leave home due to work problems).

Also, sometimes, Even though they are economically independent, the bond of abuse remains evident, but in a hidden way through manipulation., criticism of each decision made, of the chosen partner, etc. It is necessary to assume that these situations cannot and should not continue.

Likewise, and no less important, children of abusive parents need psychological help. All those decades of suffering and humiliation leave a deep wound that must be treated. The objective is to recover self-esteem, personal security to build a life of one’s own, independent, mature and happy.

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