That strange feeling that “nothing is like before”

Sometimes, that strange feeling comes: that nothing is the same as before.. The looks lose their shine, the words their music, and day by day, we are more aware that we only have ashes left, and that sooner or later that swift wind will arrive that takes everything away and changes everything. Moment for which, we must be prepared.

Is not easy. Throughout our entire life cycle we have already faced that same taste many times. Many say that everything is due to routine, which drags its heavy chains around us. to become less spontaneous beings, less eager for closeness, for hidden caresses and for details that make the heart race.

Maybe it’s her, the dreaded routine, or maybe it’s us who change over time, we ourselves allow our emotions to fade day by day and almost without knowing why. Sometimes, we are like that candle that shines full of intensity in the night, a light that dances and inspires us with its shapes, but that burns down with the hours, until in the end it leaves a strange sweet and uncomfortable perfume in the atmosphere. , like a dream of the past that no longer makes sense in the present. Maybe…

Assuming that nothing is the same as before invites us to deep reflection. It may not be an obligatory ending, but it is a moment of necessary dialogue, of prevailing mutual efforts with which to renew that bond, that relationship. Acting with maturity and responsibility is the best key to give way to a new beginning, or perhaps to an inevitable end.

Nothing is like before and I’m not the same as yesterday

When one becomes fully aware that things no longer have the brilliance, intensity and magic of yesterday, The first thing he feels is a deep contradiction, the sting of bitterness and the touch of nostalgia. More than moments we miss the emotions of the past and those complicities that built a day to day where there were no gaps, where illusion filled everything, and in turn gave meaning to life.

When that emotional bond loses strength and the intimacy of yesterday in the couple languishes, we could say that everything is missing. It is a slow sunset that saddens and despairs at the same time, because our brain needs, above all, to “feel safe.” He thinks that he does not like contradiction and those imbalances that he instantly interprets as a threat, as a sign of danger.

When we enter this alarm phase, the first thing we do is look for a reason. Although there are many who simply focus on the “who”. It is common to project all the blame onto the other: “It’s that you neglect me, it’s that you no longer take me into account, it’s that before you did this and that and now you no longer give importance to those details.”

Focusing exclusively on the other to accuse them may be justified on some occasions, it is clear, but not in all relationships there is a single culprit. What’s more, it would be a good idea for us to get used to changing certain expressions in this type of relational dynamics. Instead of using the word “guilt” and the negative component that it implies, it is better to use the term “responsibility”.

In the play of energies and reinforcements, both positive and negative, that make up the couple’s universe, The two members are responsible for the climate and its quality.. And sometimes, and it is good that we are clear about this, we do not have to desperately look for a culprit to understand why nothing is like before, why we no longer look at each other the same nor do we seem to need each other as much as yesterday.

Love sometimes goes out. It may do it in one of the two or it may do it in both. Because although many times we have been convinced otherwise, People change over time, or rather than changing, we grow. New needs and new interests appear: where what was previously a priority is now not so much.

A fact not without a certain harshness that it is interesting to know how to manage appropriately.

If nothing is as before, act

No one can nor deserves to live forever in that antechamber of broken emotions, incomplete relationships or hopes that will never be fulfilled. If nothing is the same as before and nothing can solve it, let’s take the mature step to end the relationship in the most dignified way possible.

In an interesting 2005 study by “Journal of Social Personal Relationships” They concluded that there are three keys to closing a relationship in the most positive and appropriate way for both members of the couple. Thus, according to the conclusions of this work, what should be avoided Above all, according to this same work, it is what is known as the application of the “ghost effect.”that is, putting into practice evasive behavior where, simply, progressively moving away from the other without giving any explanation.

Let’s see below what those three keys are to ending a relationship maturely.

If nothing is as before, then it’s time to start walking separately

The first point when managing these situations is to reach the certainty that there is no other option than separation.. Always remember that we will face grief much better knowing that we have done everything possible.

The second step that experts recommend is not to “destroy” the other before “ending” the relationship itself. We pointed out before, sometimes looking for culprits does not help much. If we use criticism, reproach, humiliation and anger, the only thing we achieve is to feed negative emotions until we create an energy so deep that it will further prevent us from closing that stage.

Finally, and although it is an aspect that is always difficult and to which many do not find meaning, it is necessary to forgive. Forgiving is far from giving up; It is an essential rite of passage to let go without burdens, without resentments.. It is putting an end to a stage where we forgive each other for the pain caused, but at the same time accepting all the positive things we have shared. A goodbye, in time followed by a brave “sorry”, will help us start new paths, leaving behind a yesterday where illusion and hope no longer had a place.

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