There is a basic rule to preserve our emotional health, distinguishing those who deserve us from those who do not. To do this, we must approach some basic principles of discrimination that basically consist of separating the good from the bad to assess the gray tone of our relationships.
We don’t deserve someone to look for us only when they need us. Selfishness is unhealthy and, therefore, it is better to keep it away from our lives. We also do not deserve indifference, lack of attention and mistreatment. Those are maxims or principles that must be unbreakable.
Anyway, This does not mean that what we do not deserve makes others bad people, but rather that our relationship may not be healthy. and feed a negative bond full of pain that opens dangerous wounds for our emotional health.
We are what we tell ourselves
To be able to discriminate what makes us feel good and what doesn’t, we have to be very clear about the emotional messages that are healthy for us. In other words, we must analyze our internal dialogue. But what is our internal dialogue?
Internal dialogue is our way of communicating with ourselves and it is decisive for the management of our self-concept and our self-esteem. Therefore, this must be positive and give us confidence, security, vitality and projection.
Likewise, if our self-concept is usually based on phrases like the following, it is difficult to attract good attitudes and relationships into our lives:
I am bad or bad, I deserve to be abandoned. I am not worthy of love. No one can appreciate or love me. No one cares about me. I feel quite sorry for myself. I deserve criticism. I am weak. I am ugly. Etc.
We know the effect that other people’s words have on us when they make us feel good, hurt us, or stop speaking to us in an appropriate tone. However, We do not usually consider skillfully how the way we speak to each other influences us when it comes to relating.
If we recognize ourselves in a negative internal dialogue, we must take action on the matter and begin to give ourselves positive and emotionally intelligent instructions. These can be of various types depending on what we need. Thus, if for example we talk about a person believing that “it’s worthless”she must say to herself: “I am worth a lot because…”
Our brain receives our orders and, depending on the type of thoughts to which we are accustomed, it sets in motion one neurochemical machinery or another. This means that, for example, The thoughts that our brain creates block the secretion of serotonin or promote it.
This is much more complex, of course, but this simple rule will help us understand that those people with pessimistic, insecure and dependent language are going to be much more vulnerable in their relationships and, therefore, are likely to encounter people wrong decisions in bad situations end up damaging your emotional health.
That is why it is so important that we control what we say to ourselves and what we say to others.since it will help us to clearly discern what is good and bad for us, as well as to strengthen ourselves to say that we do not want in our lives those who do not deserve us because they do not do us good.
“You don’t deserve someone who, with their indifference, makes you feel invisible and absent. You deserve someone who, with his attention, makes you feel important and present.
You don’t deserve someone who excites you with what they say and then disappoints you with what they do. Yes, you deserve the one who says less, but he does more.
You don’t deserve someone who only looks for you when you need you, but someone who is always by your side when they know you need them. “You don’t deserve the one who makes you sad and cry, but the one who makes you happy and makes you smile.”
I love myself because…
Now comes the next task, complete the phrase “I love myself because…” as many times as we can think of and in a totally sincere and spontaneous way. Anything goes, we should not put up barriers of any kind.
If our relationships are forcing us to mortgage our positive self-talk, something is really wrong. Many times the solution to restore the balance of our internal conversations must involve talking to those people who “they are affecting us” and raise the inequality that is driving the relationship and the self-concept that this circumstance fosters.
We must, starting from this basis, try to find a healthy balance that promotes our emotional health. If this healthy agreement does not come, we must always choose to be our priority, take care of ourselves and begin to internally write a script in which we are the main protagonists.
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