What do impossible loves hide?

Did you ever happened? Have you fallen in love with someone who couldn’t be? Whether because he was already with another person, due to excessive age difference, due to non-correspondence, etc… For whatever reasons, but from a person classified as impossible. These are some of the cases of impossible loves.

That it happens sometimes is normal because the unattainable is usually attractive, and especially in adolescence it usually happens. Like the typical student who falls in love with the teacher. But the problem would come when we always fall in love with people who cannot be, then we would no longer be talking about bad luck but rather that we are unconsciously looking for it.

3 Types of impossible loves

1. Phantom love

It is about idealizing a person, attributing to them the characteristics that we have always dreamed of. It is called a ghost because in reality this person is not what we think.But we deceive ourselves and believe that it is exactly how we would like it to be, so we fall in love with something that does not exist.

In psychoanalytic terms it is also called anaclitic love, which means that we choose to love someone specifically because they have the traits of someone very influential in childhood who satisfied our needs.

It’s like when, for example, we unconsciously fall in love with someone similar to our father/mother figure. It would be about satisfying a need for protection.

In this case When the person realizes that in reality the loved one was not what they thought, they will become disenchanted and disappointed.then you will put your feet back on the ground and stop idealizing and you will see the defects of the person that at first you did not see due to idealizing blindness.

2. Narcissistic love

When looking for someone similar to us or with the traits that we would like to achieve. It’s like a kind of exaggerated selfishness where we believe we are superior and want to find someone equal.

These people are always looking for the ideal person and no one seems to be good enough for them.. Finding someone like you is very complicated, since we are unique beings, which is why those who go looking for this type of love usually do not find it.

In the end, this person ends up disenchanted, collecting love failures and experiences with multiple partners. She may end up alone.

3. Difficult love

It is one where it is very difficult for that love to materialize. Examples: a teacher and a student, a significant age difference, a gay versus a heterosexual, a doctor’s patient, looking at married or seriously committed people, etc…

Usually this type of love is attractive because it is difficult, but if it were achieved, interest could be lost.since it is usually a fleeting physical attraction, let’s say that it is usually more about something passionate than emotional.

These three types of loves would be classified as “impossible” because they usually create conflictsthe first because by idealizing the other person sooner or later we will be disappointed when we see that he is not what we thought, the second because we will never find someone like us and the third because it is very difficult to get it and if it were achieved it would rarely work in the long term. .

According to psychoanalytic psychology, when we fall in love with impossible things it is because of the unresolved Oedipus complex. In the first years of childhood we fall in love with the father or mother even though we know that it is not correct, depending on how it is resolved and the treatment they gave us. our parents in that situation, We could always get stuck in falling in love with people who cannot be.

What can we do to choose better?

The first thing is to ask ourselves why we are attracted to unattainable people? I’m afraid to commit and by looking at impossible things, I don’t have to go through it?there are people who enter into loving intimacy entails stress, fear, danger, so by fixating on impossible things they enjoy idyllic love but since it cannot be realized they feel safe in their comfortable zone.

Another question to search for the root of the problem could be: Am I looking to make up for a childhood deficiency? For example, if we have had an authoritarian and upright mother who has valued us little, we unconsciously return to focus on someone unattainable to relive the childhood stage and ensure that this time they pay attention to us or give us something emotional that we lacked.

The essential thing is to find the answer to why we don’t look at more reachable people.insecurities

So falling in love with people who cannot be, we enjoy the feelings, we release the adrenaline, we dream, we are happy deceiving ourselves for a while, but deep down, we would be terrified if they reciprocated us because idyllic love is very beautiful but facing reality scares.

Before finding a partner you have to work on yourself

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you won’t be ready to be with another person.. These conflicts with oneself are usually the reason why many people are unconsciously always immersed in love affairs that cannot be realized.

Who doesn’t know someone who has never had a stable partner and lives on illusions, impossible things and idealizations? If we look closely and analyze, we will surely find that that person has personal problems.

The ideal would be to work on self-esteem and self-acceptance.. Once we feel good about ourselves, we love and accept ourselves with our flaws included, we would be ready to embark on a relationship and we would surely choose better possible candidates to share our life.

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