My partner doesn’t value me

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My partner doesn’t value me. It is a sensation that can be very painful. But what can we do? We talked about it.

In our daily lives, many people who are in a loving relationship do not feel loved and complain saying: “My partner doesn’t value me”. In these cases, It is very common for the doubt to arise as to whether it is worth moving forward. and the desire to end the relationship appears.

But, before taking hasty measures, it is important to confirm that our partner is not really valuing us as we deserve. That is why, throughout the article, we discuss some signs that can confirm this feeling. Likewise, we will talk about how we can stop feeling undervalued in our relationship, whatever the case may be.

“Stay with a love that gives you answers and not problems. Security and not fear. Confidence and no more doubts.”

-Paulo Coelho-

When my partner doesn’t value me

We start from the basis that, for a relationship to work there has to be reciprocity between both. That is, a relationship is healthy when in addition to giving, we also receive. However, sometimes this does not happen and we have the feeling of not being valued by the other person.

exist some signs that could give us a clue to know if our partner values us. These are:

There are no praises. He will probably have more complaints about you and the things you do than praise or compliments towards you.Does not correspond to signs of affection. In this case, our hugs, words of love, acts of service, support, etc., are rejected or ignored by the other.There are no special moments. It is not a good sign if routine becomes the norm in the relationship. Do you forget important dates? When was the last time you organized something different for both of you?He doesn’t pay attention to us. The mobile phone, the computer, the television or anything else is more interesting than interacting with us. They prefer a screen to spending time as a couple, talking, doing some activity together… It’s as if anything is better than paying attention to each other.There’s no communication. Sometimes, communication does not flow between the members of the couple and they end up communicating as little as possible.There is no support. Sometimes we are presented with difficult situations in which having close support is more than enough to feel relieved. However, in those moments when we need our partner’s encouragement, she just isn’t there.It does not respect our opinions and tastes. Which is demonstrated through negative comments towards our preferences, such as, for example, saying that our favorite bands are bad; that the books we read are boring; or that the series we like is horrible. Although you don’t have to agree on everything, it is also true that you have to accept and respect each other’s interests.Makes hurtful comments that undermine self-esteem, so we stop feeling attractive and believe ourselves insufficient. Some examples are: telling us that certain types of clothes don’t look good on us; criticize our physical appearance; or compare ourselves to other people.

“There are those who have the desire to love, but not the capacity to love.”

-Giovanni Papini-

What can I do if my partner doesn’t value me?

It is clear that, When we are in love, the last thing we want to think about is ending our relationship. as a couple However, it is possible that we have detected some of the signs that we have discussed before. If this happens, what can we do? Here we tell you:

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Talk about it with your partner

The first step is to communicate to our partner how we feel., since it is a mistake to wait for it to account for itself. There’s no point in feeling like my partner doesn’t value me if the other person doesn’t know it. If there is communication and the situation is known, then action can be taken. Expressing our needs is key to improve the relationship.

There is no room for assumptions in a relationship.. That only brings misunderstandings. We have to talk about the uncertainties that may arise. Know the other person’s point of view.

Perhaps, we may have thought that we are not valued and in reality it has been something specific. It’s about finding a point of union between the two. Only through communication and mutual trust can weight changes be made..

Work on your self-esteem

Many times, Behind the statement “my partner doesn’t value me” hides the expectation that the other should satisfy our emotional needs. Therefore, we expect our partner to provide us with that love that we ourselves are not capable of giving ourselves and that is extremely necessary to feel valued.

When we don’t love ourselves we begin to depend on our partner to feel that we are worth something.. Therefore, to avoid this reality, we must learn to love ourselves and accept that our well-being depends, to a large extent, on our relationship with ourselves.

Analyze where your feelings come from

Likewise, it is extremely important to do introspection work and know where these feelings of undervaluation on the part of our partner come from. As we already said, It may be that you have high expectations for your partner; but they can also be due to real situations of devaluation on the other’s part.

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In this case, dialogue with your partner will help you, where both express their point of view assertively. Furthermore, we advise evaluating the context in which they are found.. For example, is your partner very focused on a work project and left you in the background? Or is something happening that is bothering your partner and their way of dealing with it is to withdraw? Or have you always felt devalued since the beginning of the relationship?

As we see, these conflicts are always complex and vary in each couple. Therefore, If you feel that you cannot identify it on your own, it is best to go to a psychotherapist. to provide you with the necessary support, as appropriate.

End the relationship

Many people establish relationships with someone who really values them. If you are completely sure that this is your case, it is best to end the relationship. and start working on yourself. This is one of the most difficult decisions, but staying will only hurt you.

Remember that there are people out there who can offer you much more, don’t settle, you deserve someone who knows how to value you.

To conclude, we leave an excerpt from Khalil Gibran, a Lebanese poet, painter, novelist and essayist, in which he reflects how a relationship is not just a physical attraction, but a union of minds and souls. He expresses it this way:

“May there be spaces in your communion, and may the winds of heaven dance among you. Love each other, but do not make love a hindrance: Fill each other’s cups, but do not drink from a single cup. Dance and sing together and be merry; but let each be alone, even as the strings of the lute are separate and yet vibrate with the same harmony.”