Stages of love and their duration

The stages of love are understood as a series of moments that a relationship goes through. Each of them is characterized in turn by a series of situations that allow the couple to advance in the construction and achievement of a more stable and genuine romantic relationship.

Before addressing the stages of love, we will stop a little to review what love is. This concept has many definitions that vary according to the perspective adopted to study it. In a very basic way we can say that Love is a feeling of affection that makes us lean and give to someone or something..

However, love does not stop only in emotional expression, It is also an attitude towards life, others and ourselves.. In the words of Erich Fromm (2014) “love is an action, the practice of a human power, which can only be realized in freedom and never as a result of compulsion.”

In love, people exist, we recognize ourselves through the legitimization of the other and that recognition gives us the possibility of being authentic: free (Pinto, 2012). Love is not something you have or possess, it is something you are and that becomes free. In it there is no possession or submission, only freedom.

Characteristics of love

According to Fromm (2014), we can identify four essential characteristics of love:

The care: it implies take care of your loved one, be attentive and interested in their well-being. It is concern for the life and growth of the loved one. Caring is not overprotecting or doing everything for that person, it is rather valuing and wanting that person to be well.The responsability: this element is the response to the needs, expressed or not, of the other person. It is not fulfilling one’s duty, it is acting, giving and responding to that other person to whom we are united.I respect: is see a person as they are, accept and be aware of your individuality. Respect entails genuine concern for the other person’s growth and a desire for them to develop as they are on their own.Knowledge: is to approach from the acceptance to the inner world of the otherin order to know him.

The stages of love

Five stages of love have been identified: falling in love, beginning of the relationship, disappointment, overcoming the crisis and real love, and using the potential of both to change the world.

The duration of each stage varies from one relationship to another and depends on the sociohistorical context in which the encounter between both people occurs.

1. Fall in love

It is the state in which a person is dominated by a strong feeling for another person with whom he or she would like to be united forever (Mora, 2007). Within this first stage, lovers feel the need to always be with each other, they do not want to distance themselves or stop seeing each other at any time.

This stage of love is characterized by the release of endorphins and other biochemical reactions, which produces great happiness in both people. During falling in love, the illusion is created that you will be with that other person your whole life and that the relationship will overcome any difficulty. The loved one becomes a perfect being who has no defects.

Within this stage we find several phases:

Phase 1. sexual attraction. You could say that it is what we know as “liking”. Phase 2. Hypervaluation. It is the idealization of the other. Phase 3. Appropriation of the other. During this phase the person begins to be aware of the possibility of incorporating the other person into their life.Phase 4. Reciprocity in falling in love. It is a phase in which both parties feel great happiness, since their love has been reciprocated.Phase 5. End of love. The feeling of passion and purely physical attraction begins to decline, as does the idealization towards the other member of the couple. They begin to recognize each other’s defects and shortcomings.

2. Beginning of the relationship

At this stage both people decide to start a stable and committed relationship. They are willing to have responsibilities with the other person and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work.

The emotional bond that they have been developing strengthens, the relationship begins to become more intimate and deeper. In addition, they begin to spend more time together and make future plans that have been idealized in the previous stage.

During this stage of love, it is common for many couples to make the decision to live together or start a family, since they feel safe, cared for, appreciated and valued. Generally, they continue to believe, as in the first stage, that the other person is the “love of her life” and that nothing and no one will be able to separate them.

3. Disappointment

Disappointment makes visible the imperfections and defects that each person has in the relationship and that had not been perceived. in the previous stages. This stage can occur slowly or abruptly. During its course, it is common for people to begin to get angry over small things and to feel less loved or cared for.

At this stage many relationships fail and end. For this reason, it is one of the most important stages in love, as it allows the true nature of the other to be discovered, it makes the couple face the reality of what the other is and question whether it is really worth continuing together. The idealized and illusory vision gives way to a more realistic and objective vision of the relationship.

Disappointment is a critical point at which people must define whether they love the other enough to accept them completely. as it is. This stage tests the love that the couple has for each other and the ability to face the harsh reality that not everything is as they expect, nor as they want.

4. Overcoming the crisis and real love

In this stage of love, The couple is able to overcome the discrepancies between them and co-build a more stable and authentic relationship. Idealizations have been eliminated and we learn to live with, accept and value others for who they are.

Few people manage to reach this stage in a relationship. However, when they do it all is much better than before, because they realize what causes pain and conflict in the relationship and are able to genuinely open up and accept each other as they are.

By putting aside illusions, they begin to recognize themselves as simple, imperfect and vulnerable human beings. By going through the challenges that life has imposed on them, they learn to be a couple that understands and supports each other, leading to a healthy and lasting relationship. That’s when true love blossoms.

5. The power of both to change the world

The power to change the world is a stage of love in which People have evolved and understood that in relationships, as in life, there will be difficult moments. They also know that, despite conflicts, they maintain the decision to continue together overcoming adversity.

In this stage, A very deep bond has been created between them, reaching the conclusion that together they can achieve great things, not only as a couple, but also as human beings. There is a purpose in life and they are willing to realize it. There is mutual support to encourage each other to overcome all obstacles.

In closing, we can say that love is not just a sudden manifestation that overtakes the heart of each person in a relationship. Rather, it is an art that is learned and that requires practice that allows us to consolidate a way of doing and being kind, kind, free and authentic.

The stages of love show us that this is also a process of growth, where people support each other to co-create an authentic, healthy relationship that has the potential to change the world. It is, in the same way, a complete path to exist and live in freedom with that person you love so much.

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