Selective memory: Why do we remember only what matters to us?

Psychologist William James stated “If we remembered everything, we would be as sick as if we remembered nothing.” Memory at a general level works selectively, it does not remember all information in the same way, hence the concept of selective memory. For this reason, certain memories can be stored very deeply in our mind and remembered perfectly and, on the other hand, other aspects may not be memorized well and are easily forgotten.

This characteristic of our memory shows that selective memory is not a specific type of memory. Rather the complete opposite, the entire memory process is selective. Therefore, it is no coincidence that sometimes we can remember an event from the past, but we cannot do the same with another event. Let’s delve into the interesting world of selective memory.

The basis of our identity is memory

Memories, in general, tend to function in the same way in all people, and not only in relation to general themes, but also in relation to private beliefs and autobiographical memories that shape our identity. We are our memories.

But identity is not a version of all the events in which we have participated, as if each and every day we have lived were archived somewhere in our brain intact in quantities equivalent to each other. To believe this would be to assume that our memory is some kind of exact recording of what we have perceived. And this is impossible: We only remember what was meaningful to us in some way.. So our identity is filled with a collection of memories chosen by our selective memory.

Why do we remember some events and not others?

If we reflect on our memories we come to the conclusion that there are certain moments that we remember in detail while others seem much more blurred and with some we even have the feeling that they have been eliminated from our memory. Why do we remember some events and ourselves?

The main reason is that for information to be stored and remembered it has to be correctly captured by our senses. And for this it will be necessary for our levels of attention and perception to function optimally because otherwise information about what happened will be lost. Furthermore, repetition will be very important so that the memory is consolidated in our mind.

Another reason seems to be found in the phenomenon of which we are all victims at some point in new lives, known as cognitive dissonance. This consists of that discomfort that we feel when we hold two contrary opinions, attitudes or beliefs. And it is related to selective memory because to alleviate that negative feeling we tend to discard one of the two opinions, attitudes or beliefs that we hold so that there is no conflict.

When we feel guilty for having carried out an action contrary to our beliefs, such as having left a job, We found a way to spin the situation until we believed that it really was the right decision. Although deep down we know that we wish we had not made that decision. So by distorting our thoughts, the memory we have of that decision will be completely different over time.

So, We remember some events and not others because our brain tends to reject the unnecessary and keep what really matters. As a protection, our memory tends to remember the good and the positive in order to remove from our mind the negative events that cause us pain.

With all this it follows that The function of selective memory is to make a selection from our memories. It places each one where it belongs, on the one hand it leaves some memories hidden in our minds because it considers that they do not contribute anything to us or that they are not of major importance and on the other, it places some in the front line. in case we need them.

But not everything that hurts us can be forgotten, sometimes we will continue to remember it for some reason that we do not know. Although science has shown that it is possible to train our mind to forget unpleasant moments, stating that if we repress them for a long period of time they may fall into oblivion.

Why is selective memory useful?

Not everything that hurts us can be made to disappear by magic. Although science has shown that it is possible to train our mind to forget unpleasant moments.

Psychologist Gerd Thomas Waldhauser of Lund University in Sweden conducted research in which he discovered that Thanks to the Selective memory we can train our mind to forget difficult events.

Research certifies that the longer we try to forget a memory, the more difficult it will be to recover it. That is to say, if we hide from our minds for decades the pain we suffer with the loss of a family member, it would be practically unlikely to remember the words we heard during his funeral. This strategy is very useful for people with symptoms of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sometimes getting over the past is not an option. It is the only way to face the future in a healthy way. To mitigate Memories that hurt us are the greatest use that our selective memory has. The possibility of deliberately suppressing those memories that weigh us down or that are the direct cause of many psychological conditions is a way that Psychology has begun to use, and not only through hypnosis.

Memory will always be selective because it is linked to our emotions. But do we remember what we want or what memory wants?

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