Psychology of resentment: what is behind spiteful people?

Spiteful people permanently hold a burning piece of coal. They do it with the idea of ​​being able to launch it at the least expected moment to all those who have offended them. However, those who end up getting burned are not exactly others, but themselves for holding on to all that fire for so long, all that source of rage, hatred and discomfort.

Even though some resentful people we have met come to mind right now, there is one aspect that we should not neglect. This dimension, this deep (and undoubtedly self-destructive) feeling is not experienced exclusively by those who do not know how to practice the healthy exercise of forgiveness. In reality, this topic has its depth, its nuances and contrasting dimensions. in which all of us can drift at any given moment.

Thus, it should be said that Beyond what it may seem, we are facing a very recurring type of feeling. It is experienced, for example, by someone who has been hurt, abandoned or betrayed by their family environment. It is suffered by those who have been deceived in their emotional relationship. Resentment is also that permanent feeling that lives in those who have survived a war or an armed conflict. As we see, these are situations that are understandable, although unhealthy from a psychological point of view.

It is not, in the first place, because resentment is characterized by a highly harmful fact: chronicity. They are distressing states that last over time, that drag on to the point of interfering in other areas of life. Mood changes, trust in others is lost, attitudes change and even the type of treatment we give to those around us is altered. Resentment is like rust, it spreads and ends up weakening every structure, every identity.

Resentful people: characteristics and psychological profile

Resentful people have a safe inside. In it they hide the weight of a grievance, the pain of a deception, a betrayal or even an abandonment or offense. That box is shielded for an obvious reason: they do not want to forget even a nuance of what happened. So, To all that compressed and well-kept moral damage is added that sadness that at a given moment mutated into rage and later into hatred.

Likewise, in all that psychological fabric A final component is usually added: that of the desire for revenge. Not in a direct sense or with violent components. Because what is desired in most cases is that in some way, the same coin, the same suffering and under the same conditions be returned to that person who hurt us. Therefore, and knowing this, it is common for spiteful people to present the following characteristics.

Inability to forgive

Sometimes forgiving is very complicated, we know. However, We must be clear that forgiveness is, above all, that step that allows us to close a stage and recover emotional balance.. Thus, and with regard to this type of profile characterized by deep resentment, it should be noted that in addition to not wanting to forgive, they feed their own suffering by remembering daily the weight of the offense or damage suffered.

There is therefore constant feedback and with it, an intensification of suffering. In fact, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Pisa and published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, reveal to us that feeding resentment opens the emotional wound even more. However, The act of forgiving regulates a large number of neuronal structures, favors calmreduces stress and activates areas such as the prefrontal cortex (related to problem solving).

Dichotomous thinking

Either you are with me or you are against me. Things are either white or black, either you help me or you betray me. This type of approach constitutes a clear cognitive distortion. It is a very rigid scheme of thought of which, Resentful people are not even aware of it because they are used to always skirting the extremes.to place themselves in very polarized positions where the only thing they achieve is to establish enormous and bitter distances with those around them.

The pride that leaves no respite

Pride is a workhorse that invades, destroys and transforms everything. This characteristic means that these types of people are always on the defensive, and at the very least they feel hurt and highly hurt. It is not easy to live a life, to dialogue or to reach agreements with someone who is always carried away by pride, by that attitude that takes everything personally.

Inability to meet emotional and psychological needs

They can hurt us all. In turn, and As expected, we have every right to experience negative feelings towards someone who hurt us.. However, there is one aspect that no longer falls within psychological normality: permanently maintaining that anger, that painful memory and the imprint that accompanies it, which ends up transforming into chronic bitterness.

We have the full obligation to assume what is accepted and move forward. Moving forward is not about forgetting, but learning to use certain psychological strategies to deal with wounds and allow ourselves new opportunities. Thus, those who do not do it, those who are not capable of providing an escape, a valid outlet for so much anger and bitterness, end up making resentment their way of life.

How to end the resentment that grips and dominates us?

In an article published in a behavioral psychology journal, there was talk of an interesting study carried out at the University of Ontario, Canada on this same topic. In it it was argued the need to provide tools to resentful people so that they can shape emotional forgiveness.

This dimension, this health exercise, is decisive for a very simple reason: it allows us to free ourselves from negative emotions to generate a new psychological reality from which to start working.

On the other hand It is recommended that this type of profile work on flexibility in their thinking approach. With this dimension we will make it easier for them to see things from new perspectives. Likewise, it is also convenient offer tools for anger managementa dimension always inhabited by distorted thoughts and unhealthy physiological activation. Resentful people also need to pay attention to other aspects with which they can move their gaze from the past to the present. Feeding exclusively on negative memories of yesterday hinders the opportunity to live freely.. Therefore, it is recommended that they start new projects, open themselves to new experiences, hobbies, relationships, etc.

Some practices to overcome resentment

For your part, when resentment takes over you, we advise you to put the following actions into practice:

Express your pain. It is important that you do not keep anything inside. To do this, you can write a letter expressing what you are feeling, or talk to a trusted person. Putting our emotions into words is a great tool to manage them. Do not try to avoid or suppress what you feel, this will only worsen the resentment experienced.Accept what happened. We cannot change the actions of others, much less if they have already occurred. Therefore, do not dwell on the past and accept the facts, no matter how painful they may be.Identify learning. Every past situation, no matter how negative it may seem to us, can teach us a lesson. Maybe it is time to learn not to trust anyone or stop being so demanding with those around us… Once you recognize what you have learned in the future you will be able to avoid these situations.Work on your self-esteem and self-care. To the extent that you feel good about yourself, you will have greater strength to face and overcome difficult situations. To do this, take care of your diet, practice relaxation exercises, do some sports, cultivate leisure time, know yourself, go to therapy. , etc. These actions will undoubtedly make you a stronger and wiser person.

To conclude, as they say, resentment is a bottomless abyss or a wasteland without borders. No one deserves to live forever in such a scenario. Let us therefore learn to build escape routesways to free ourselves and breathe with greater tranquility and dignity.

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