Assertive communication in the family

Communication is the basis for having a good relationship at home. But, How can we get our children to listen to us? It seems kind of difficult, right? However, it is easier than we may believe, establishing assertive communication in the family is possible. Let’s see what it consists of and how to promote it.

Assertive communication in the family means expressing our opinion in a conscious, consistent, clear, direct and balanced way; Its purpose is to communicate our ideas and feelings without the intention of hurting or harming, acting from an internal state in which trust resides.

It is essential to have assertive communication in the family to strengthen relationships between its members. Good communication is reflected in healthy bonds, mutual respect, affection, affection and companionship, whether in the relationship of parents, parents with their children or between siblings.

“When you say ‘yes’ to other people, make sure you’re not saying no to yourself.”

-Paulo Cohelo-

Assertive communication in the family is the healthiest communication

Have you ever thought you should have said something and you didn’t? Maybe in that case you were passive. Have you ever said something and felt bad because you thought you seemed like a despot? Did you feel that others couldn’t say what they thought because of your attitude? In that case perhaps you were aggressive.

For you to see this from another angle, it is necessary to explain each of them separately. Thus, there are four main forms of communication:

The passive form, where one of the members does not express his concerns, speaks in a low tone of voice, accepts without understanding what is requested. This passive form leads to a relationship of inequality and disadvantage before the other member of the family. It generates feelings of low self-esteem and does not promote healthy emotional bonds. aggressive form or style of communication, which is made up of confusing messages, which can include shouting and scolding, even insults. Likewise, this type of communication distances family members, since it generates rejection, fear and resentment. Furthermore, it is a form of emotional violence, so it should not be used.Another way of communicating is passive-aggressive, where the person “camouflages his anger” through good words and good gestures, using language full of hints and phrases that cause pain and discomfort to the recipient. Finally, there is the shape assertive, being the most recommended way, since it implies respect, dialogue and negotiation. It allows family relationships to be strengthened in a context of respect and trust and promotes healthy self-esteem in children.

Starting from the different types of communication, it is clear to us that assertive communication fosters a good relationship in the family.

Let’s think. If I punish my child, without explaining to him what has happened, in some way I am only telling him what I don’t like, without giving him alternative options or a basis to reject that behavior beyond my tastes.

Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to explain to him the reasons why his behavior is not the most appropriate? This way, we promote mutual understanding, where everyone expresses themselves, avoiding or mitigating the intensity of conflicts.

“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well-being of others.”

-Sharon Anthony Bower-

Benefits of assertive communication in the family

Developing assertive communication in the family will have a positive impact on our emotional and mental health. in addition to allowing us to see reality more clearly and establish solid relationships with family members. Besides:

In adolescents, it can reduce anxiety, stress and depression. This is suggested by a study published in Iranian Red Crescent Medical Journal.Improvement of your social and personal skills. Allows you to have more control over impulses or anger.Increases self-esteem.Encourages respect for others. Improves satisfaction in relationships. Reduces conflicts.

Assertive communication in the family environment facilitates the free, sincere and respectful expression of personal feelings. Likewise, it favors quality exchanges. Therefore, promoting it is essential to enhance positive interactions within the home.

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”

-Anthony Robbins-

How to encourage assertive communication in the family?

Being assertive means taking care of the content and form of what we want to express., seeking to ensure that the message reaches the receiver in the best possible way. The intention is always the understanding of the parties.

Achieving assertiveness in the family must be a team effort. Plus, it takes time and involves effort. To help you, here are some of the keys to promoting assertive communication in the family:

1. Avoid comparisons

Sometimes parents we tend to compare too much our children with other children to point out their mistakes. However, more than doing them good, it can generate insecurity and a feeling of inferiority in the little ones. Furthermore, there is a danger that they will take on the habit of comparing themselves with others in those aspects in which they are inferior.

If you do not create self-confidence in your children, it will be difficult for them to have assertive communication in other areas in which they work.

Every child, like every person, is unique. On the other hand, most comparisons are unfair or miscalibrated: We each face very particular circumstances, and so do children.

2. Be empathetic

Assertive communication is based on respect for the other person.. Before addressing our children, let’s spend some time thinking about what we are going to tell them and how we are going to do it, especially when the message we want to convey is important and we want it to resonate with them.

Also we must instill empathy in them towards others. If the whole family tries to understand what each other thinks and feels, it will be easier to establish a dialogue and ensure that discussions do not erode trust. In family relationships, empathy opens us to the experience, perspective, and needs of others, which in turn allows us to connect better. This is reported in a publication by Journal of Patient Experience.

Through the dialogue that promotes assertive communication, it is more likely that we will be able to understand how the other person feels, what they think and why they carry out that behavior. Empathy and assertiveness are closely related.

Let’s think, I am more likely to reach a mutual understanding with someone if I put myself in their shoes, trying to perceive under what prism he acts like this and talking about it. On the contrary, if I try to impose what I think, without taking the other into account (aggressive communication), it is possible that an already latent conflict may be generated or intensified.

3. Listen actively

One of the fundamental bases of all assertive communication is active listening. This way of opening oneself to the experience of the other is a communicative process in which one listens carefully to what the person is saying, whether verbally or physically.

Active listening involves seeing the expressions and emotions that accompany the words. Therefore, it requires a conscious effort to understand the perspective of other family members, rather than just waiting your turn to speak. It is empathetic listening.

4. Speak with respect

To have assertive communication in the family, it is essential to speak with respect.. This entails not using aggressive language in conversations and not using offensive or profane words that humiliate or degrade the dignity of other members of the household.

Respectful communication should be clear and express thoughts and emotions without blaming others. Speaking from respect means listen actively and express yourself with empathy, avoiding shouting, verbal attacks and rudeness.

5. Ask for opinions

An authoritarian education limits assertive communication, because while the parents command, the children only obey. Not encouraging children to express themselves in reference to decisions that involve the family is a way of telling them that their voice does not count.

Let your children have their say on important topics. The participation of children in family decisions is important so that they learn to function in other areas, according to the Magazine Cercetare şi Intervenţie Socială. This way, they will also know that their point of view is relevant to you and that they can also provide arguments to make the best decision.

6. Express your feelings

You can’t expect your children to express their feelings and thoughts if you don’t. Tell them about how your day went, your concerns and interests. Similarly, listen carefully to them when they have something to tell you. The expression of parental emotions is essential for children’s social development and emotional learning.

When you know they were wrong about something, give them some advice Instead of judging and scolding them, this way you will build your children’s confidence to share their concerns.

Yes indeed, Being understanding does not mean stopping sanctioning when limits are crossed.. In this sense, do not forget that your actions are intended so that they do not repeat the mistake they have made. On the other hand, remember that many lessons are learned by example. You, who are the role model for your childrenyou are the first person who must use an assertive communication style for them to learn.

7. Recognize your mistakes

Another important aspect of assertive communication in the family is being aware that no one is perfect, not even oneself. We all make mistakes and knowing how to recognize them will teach children to accept their mistakes. and to overcome adversity.

The ability to show ourselves as we are, with our defects and virtues, is an indispensable quality that the family must provide to its members. Well, Demonstrate to children that making mistakes is part of life, helps them reduce stress and increases their frustration tolerance.

8. Don’t forget non-verbal language

Communication is not only reduced to words, it also includes gestures and body expressions. Therefore, it is vitally important attend to nonverbal language the attitude and tone of voice with which things are being said.

In these cases, Body expression and tone of voice must be consistent with the words. Thus, no ambiguities are generated in communication. For example, if when congratulating a child, the father’s gestures and body posture reflect disinterest, the child will understand that he is not being sincere.

9. Act consistently

Make sure the attitudes and decisions you are making are consistent with what is being said. That is to say, Avoid telling your children or partner that you will do something…