People don’t disappoint, the expectations you have of them do.

Why do people disappoint me? Why if I always give everything for others do they end up failing me? There are many who ask themselves these questions suspended in sadness, in the labyrinth of that constant frustration that finds no way out or solution. They are very painful psychological states in which one can even stop relating for fear of living the same experience.

Although it is very common to hear in these situations the common phrase that “with every disappointment comes its forgetfulness”, in reality, this premise is completely false. Disappointments are not forgotten, they leave traces and scratches in the heart. It is true that there are those who manage these experiences much better and turn the page quickly. However, there are many that remain stranded. Rusting for years from those emotions that eat away.

What is the origin of these situations? Is it the human race that, in general, does not know how to take care of relationships and exceeds selfishness? Or is it perhaps our responsibility for being overconfident?

We analyze it below.

Why do people disappoint me? Reasons you should know

Each of us has values, pillars on which we build our perception of the world., what love, respect, friendship and even common sense is. We assume, in turn, that not everyone will tune into each point of that internal repertoire. We accept that it is impossible to agree 100% with everyone we know or who is part of our life.

However, we demand respect. We expect, at the very least, trust and authenticity. And in many cases, this principle of coexistence is not fulfilled. Thus, who most and who least has some disappointment in their repertoire of experiences. It is the law of life. However, there are those who suffer from them periodically, who do not stop stumbling over that painful stone in the road again and again.

What could it be due to?

Overconfidence: hypocrisy is the natural state of the human mind

We could say that to navigate our relationships a little better, We should not immediately place all our trust in someone we have just met. The evolutionary psychologist Robert Kurzban explains something very interesting to us in his book Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind.

There is a part of the mind that has its values, its ideological opinions. However, there is also another one aimed exclusively at seducing people. We want to be liked, integrate, make friends and win over who we are attracted to. And, for this, We do not hesitate to tell small lies or resort to hypocrisy.As the relationship progresses, the true character is revealed and, suddenly, we may discover that the person we have met does not share a single one of our values.

The most appropriate thing in all cases is to be cautious. We must not leave all our trust in other people’s hearts almost at the second. We must observe people in the small things, in the small acts.

The root of all suffering: high expectations

William Shakespeare already said it, the root of all suffering is our high expectations. Therefore, anyone who wonders “Why do people disappoint me?” You must investigate yourself and detect how high your expectations are of others..

In many cases, reducing the size of your height will allow us to live a little better, without constantly waiting for other people to be as we want, as we crave and need.

The bias towards painful relationships

Sometimes it happens. There are people with a tendency to start relationships or friendships with the same personality profile. An excessively harmful one. For example, men and women with high empathy and with the classic Wendy syndrome (the need to care for and be useful to others) often end up in relationships with narcissists.

This is something that happens too frequently: Our personality type can fit with whoever suits us least. All of this is due to unaddressed shortcomings, to that low self-esteem that pushes us to feel attracted to people with whom we feel visible. Until a moment comes when we realize the reality, the manipulation, the deception, the wear and tear suffered.

Why do people disappoint me? We will not always be able to receive the same as we give

We all know what the term reciprocity means: mutual correspondence, receiving the same as what one offers. Well, taking this literally can cause us great suffering. Most of us hope of others, at a minimum, an absolute equivalence between what was invested and what was reciprocated.

However, we must be clear that relationships are not commercial transactions. If throughout our lives we constantly ask ourselves “why do people disappoint me?” Perhaps we should reformulate the true meaning of what reciprocity is:

Reciprocity is, above all, allowing myself to receive what others want to give me, enjoying it.It is an act of freedom in which each person decides when to give, how and in what quantity.That is, you may be worrying about that friend every day and yet he does not respond to your messages or perhaps he is one of those who does not like to meet up as frequently as you want and expect. However, in difficult times, that friend comes instantly and without hesitation. It is therefore necessary to take a more relaxed approach. Let’s not measure everything we offer in a millimetric way expecting exactly the same thing. Doing so will lead us to suffer constant disappointments.

In conclusion, Accepting that disappointments are part of life’s journey is essential. However, it is healthier for us to learn to lower expectations and be a little more cautious when giving away our trust. Prudence is always a good companion. Let’s keep it in mind.

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