Can you love two people at the same time?

Is it possible to love two people at the same time? We have all asked ourselves this question at some point. Science has also considered it, and the answer, based on clinical and social research, could not be more interesting. However, from a moral point of view, as we already know, this idea has always been questioned and harshly sanctioned.

Most of us know a case or have heard about it. People who live with their respective partners for many years and, in turn, maintain another parallel (stable) relationship. They are profiles capable of maintaining a three-way link secretly or openly. Bonds where polyamory sometimes challenges that view of traditional monogamy.

However, We do not want to enter here into the acceptance or not of these relational models.. We do not want to delve into the dilemma of whether it is ethical or not, whether it is acceptable to be with someone while deceiving a third party or whether we should get used to seeing relationships made up of more than two people. What we want next is to understand if it is possible for more than two people to fit in our hearts. If that love is real, authentic and as deep as when we love only one.

The great conflict of loving two people at the same time

In reality, there are many cases that come to therapists’ offices overwhelmed by this same situation: “I love two people at the same time and I don’t know what to do.” These patients openly declare that yes, that they are truly in love, that they feel the same emotional experiences, the same emotion in the stomach, the same sexual desire…Although they do suffer the effects of the conflict.

A deep conflict because they themselves assume (often conditioned by our society) that it is not correct. Likewise, this suffering also comes from having to maintain a deception. The one where the two lovers are not aware of the existence of a third person in that relationship. Thus, the conclusion we can reach is that Yes, emotionally and biologically it is possible to love two people at the same time.

Attraction in humans is a very complex experience. However, From a social and cultural point of view we have been educated in the idea that true love is based on monogamy. This idea is real for a large part of us. However, there are those who conceive the idea of ​​polyamory, where there is not only sexual attraction. They are also capable of forming an authentic emotional bond with two people at the same time. However, In most cases, these situations are experienced with great confusion.. The moment we move away from our traditional conceptions (love=monogamy) we experience suffering. Likewise, and no less important, There is the difficulty of sustaining that three-way relationship. There is not always a tacit agreement by which all members agree to maintain this multiple bond. Loving two people at the same time and having a stable future projection is not always easy.

The biochemistry of love in multiple relationships

When someone claims to love two people at the same time, It is very likely that what is really happening is that he loves one and is in love with another. That is, one offers us passion and novelty, while the other provides us with commitment and security. To understand it better, let’s remember for a moment the fascinating biochemistry of love.
Falling in love is a stage prior to love and is characterized by a very intense emotional state and idealization of the other person.. There, emotions are governed by dopamine and adrenaline. Authentic brain drugs that keep us in a state of semi-euphoria and that give shape to romantic and passionate love.

Subsequently, When we know the other person in depth and the bond becomes stronger, that is when love appears.. In this phase, the couple’s defects and virtues are accepted, and their good is sought above all. There, the protagonist is oxytocin, a hormone that allows the establishment of attachment.

Now, our biological constitution does not prevent adrenaline, dopamine and oxytocin from coexisting. So, biologically, it is possible to love someone and be in love with another person.

In these cases, it is very common that with the current partner there is that “mature sexual love”; while with the other person you have just met you are experiencing that first phase of euphoria, governed by adrenaline and oxytocin. That is to say, while one offers stability, the other provides the emotion, the intensity of the new….

Even so, oxytocin does not have to correspond to just one person, so it is also possible to love two at the same time. Therefore, it is not biology that prevents us from loving more than one, but social influence with its moral norms.

Nowadays, in addition, three-way love affairs are becoming more and more common.lovers who during a stage of their life give themselves permission to explore broader relationships, unexplored territories where they can make love something new, more intense and satisfying.

Loving two people at the same time: How to handle it?

As we already said, polyamory is increasingly common and, If we want to practice it without any of the parties getting hurt, the ideal is to follow the following suggestions:

All parties must be informed and also agree. If not, we would be committing infidelity, a scenario where everyone gets hurt. Likewise, the agreement must derive from individual will; That is, without feeling pressure from the other, nor doing it to please the partner.It is essential to talk about how the relationship works and its limits.. Not all polyamorous relationships have the same characteristics. As in any loving relationship, there are also problems in a three-person relationship. Such as: jealousy or fear of being excluded. Therefore, It is important that shared times and activities are clarified.Always maintain communication and talk about everything that bothers or bothers you. Just like a monogamous relationship. It is essential Do not propose polyamory as a solution to a relationship crisis.Go to a professional (in this case, a couples therapist) if necessary.You might be interested…