Passion in old age: relationships after 60

The teacher Sonia Pinheiro got married at 28, had two daughters and, after two decades of marriage, separated. When asked about her marital status, she lowered her voice to answer: “divorced”. The only woman among six siblings was also the only one with the courage to assume a separation. At the age of 50, after mourning the end of her marriage, she started dating again. “I met a nice guy and I learned to throw prejudice at rock bottom”, she says. Today, at 63, she shares love and happy moments with another man, 68 years old.

“I don’t know what the title of our relationship is, but I have a partner with whom I like to be together, to go out and have fun. My daughter says the name of this is crush, but why label it?”, laughs Sonia, adding that getting married is not their priority. “I built an independent trajectory and got here that way. I want to live my life, not someone else’s. I think that, at that age, women find it easier to discover these paths.”

In fact, relationships tend to be healthier and more satisfying in old age, according to psychologists and other therapists heard by the report. “More mature women already know what they like and what they don’t like. In youth, we usually end up giving in, diminishing ourselves to fit in someone else’s life”, says Sofia Menegona relationship and sexuality consultant and columnist for CLAUDIA.

Maria do Carmo Lopez, aged 76, was not afraid to experience another love when she became a widow, after more than three decades of marriage. When she met her current husband, she was 56 and he was 39. “I started going out without fear, because I just wanted to have fun. I never cared about what people think, I only care about myself.🇧🇷 I’ve always been independent and what I want is to live what I want”, he says, with firmness and good humor. She assures that she feels more conscious in this relationship than in her youthful experiences. “You stay in the relationship if it’s good. If not, drop it and be done with it.”

Of course, not everything is rosy for women who want to give love and passion another chance after the age of 60. Sonia says, for example, that at first she was too lazy to flirt again. “I’ve never used dating sites because, in my friends’ experiences, men don’t want women in their own age group,” she says. This was a common complaint among the interviewed ladies. On the other hand, this situation can become a kind of elimination criterion when looking for someone to have a relationship with. “Men who refuse to get involved with people of the same age are not mature partners for them, they are not ready for light and free relationships”, explains Sofia.

The specialist adds that, although the fear of loneliness is legitimate, it is important to remember that not all the most significant relationships need to be, necessarily, romantic. “Friendships are sources of love, for example. It is essential to strengthen these affections that are already in our lives, ”she points out. At any age, romantic relationships are only worthwhile if the expectations of everyone involved are aligned and there is respect.🇧🇷 “You get to look at yourself more after 60 and understand your priorities. I embraced my freedom. Today, I’m in charge of my life and I’m happy like that”, concludes Sonia.

app love

For Alda Teresinha de Moura, 61-year-old retiree, love is the secret to rejuvenating. In October last year, she met 68-year-old Ivo on the Par Perfect dating app. Six days after they started talking, they set up a date and since then they haven’t let go. 🇧🇷We’re practically living together and we’re already talking about marriage.”, she says, laughing. Alda decided to look for someone after she became a widow in 2019. Coincidentally, she had met her late husband on the same app. “I’m lucky,” she says.

Users over 60 years old represent 9% of active people on Par Perfecto, according to data from the application itself, and, of these, 53% are women. “We’ve noticed that these users fill out their profile in more detail than average, especially in terms of what they’re looking for in a partner. In other words, they know what they want. Conversations also generally flow more quickly, probably due to the synergies between subjects and affinities”, comments spokesperson Eugênia Del Vigna.

Alda, who describes herself as an active person who likes to go out and meet people, found services like this an escape from loneliness. “It reminds me that I’m still alive, that I still have desires. It’s very special to fall in love after 60, because you learn to look for emotions in touches, smells, caresses and discover yourself in it. I laugh a lot, that’s life,” she describes her.

And the sex?

Anyone who thinks that courtships and marriages from the age of 60 onwards are relationships in which chaste friendship and companionship exclusively prevail is wrong. There can be passion, and lots of it. Alda insists on telling that their relationship is “very active in that sense” and she even gets lingerie and other treats from her boyfriend. 🇧🇷Experiencing sexuality at this point in life has been wonderful for me. Ivo and I like each other, we have a lot of respect and complicity with each other. Unlike youth, when we were inexperienced, sex is something that completes you. I am more aware.”

Valmari Cristina Aranha, a psychologist specializing in gerontology, explains that there are many myths about “asexual old age”, as if the elderly automatically lose their libido after a certain age and stop being attractive, because the desired body pattern is young. “This is a culturally widespread idea, we don’t see the elderly as desiring beings, but many women will have an orgasm for the first time in a relationship in old age. This happens especially with those who married virgins. Today, they have more information about their own body and desire”, she comments.

“I don’t have any hormones anymore. But I’ve been with this crush for a year and two months now and I feel like I’ve become a teenager again. As at all ages, sex life depends on the affinity and chemistry you have with the person”, emphasizes Sonia Pinheiro.

“Living sexuality at this point in life has been wonderful.”

Alda Teresinha de Moura, retired teacher

Valmari adds that, by the age of 60, women have normally gone through menopause, so the biggest hormonal changes are behind us. 🇧🇷Issues such as loss of natural lubrication are real, but there are resources, from medicine to lubricants and other sexual wellness products. In addition, in therapy it is possible to talk about the importance of foreplay, for example, so that sex is increasingly pleasurable”, he adds.

According to Alda, it is necessary to stop seeing an elderly couple as just good friends. “Don’t think that people, after 60 years of age, stand still, that it’s just one looking at the other’s face. No! Ivo and I travel, go out for beers, dinner, and hang out with each other’s families. It’s a light-hearted relationship.” As she says, the best love is always in the now.