My partner wants an open relationship and I don’t: what to do

Whether you sensed your partner’s interest in opening up the relationship or the proposal left you speechless, the emotions that arise can be as varied as the colors of a rainbow.

You are facing unknown terrain, full of uncertainty and challenges. Doubts and worries begin to plummet. “How will this affect our bond? Can we handle it?” “Are you proposing this because I’m not enough for you?” “I don’t want to do it, how do I tell you?”

It is not new that monogamy is no longer the only valid way to bond. Today, there are various couple models. However, there are people who feel comfortable in a traditional relationship and are less open to experimenting with other forms of commitment.

Here we help you analyze the situation and give the most consistent response with your needs and preferences.

What are open relationships?

At first glance, it could give the impression that the couple is being given permission to sleep with other people whenever they feel like it and without any emotional responsibility. But the dynamic doesn’t have to be like that.

Unlike monogamy, where emotional and sexual exclusivity is the norm, In open relationships, limits and agreements are established that allow connection with other people. These links can range from sporadic sexual encounters to more or less stable romantic relationships.

A study published in Current Opinion in Psychology highlights the significant increase in consensual non-monogamous relationships and describes some of the variants:

Mixed couples: One of its members practices monogamy and the other maintains several relationships at the same time.Swingers: The person participates in organized events in which they have sexual relations with people who are not their established partner (if they have one), while generally avoiding establishing deep emotional connections beyond friendship.Polyamory: One or both members of the couple have the possibility of establishing more than one romantic and/or sexual relationship.Typical open relationship: Both members allow each other to have sexual relations with third parties.

Converting a traditional and monogamous relationship into one of the above implies a change in mentality and perspective on how to experience relationships, both emotionally and sexually. It also requires knowing how to manage jealousy that may arise.

“My partner wants to open the relationship, now what?”

The fact that your partner wants to experiment with other people may have hit you like a bucket of cold water. At times like this, it is normal to feel a mix of emotions and have many questions running through your head.

However, controlling another person’s actions, emotions, or desires is beyond your reach. Therefore, you have no choice but to face the situation. Here are a series of recommendations to address the issue in a healthy way.

Find out about them

If your partner has suggested having an open relationship and you do not agree, you have every right to refuse. However, If you have doubts about it or the curiosity bug has bitten you, it is essential that you inform yourself about how this type of relationship works.

Furthermore, researching them is a great help to free oneself from prejudices and promote normalization. Just as monogamy is not something a person can be judged by, the same goes for other forms of relationships.

Find out the reasons why your partner wants to open the relationship

It is good to understand the reasons behind your proposal. Sometimes, motivation can come from the desire to explore new experiences sexually, whether to satisfy fantasies or broaden horizons. In this sense, it is important to keep in mind that for many people love and sex can follow independent paths.

But yes; We cannot ignore the fact that in other cases it may be a covert way of starting a separation process. Other times, the open relationship can be interpreted as a resource to introduce novelty and try to improve the relationship, avoiding monotony.

Speak sincerely

When you feel ready, open the dialogue. Be honest about how you feel, without holding anything back. And, of course, give your partner the opportunity to do the same. Allow him to honestly share the reasons behind his proposal and listen without judging.

“Decision made: I don’t want to do it.” How to communicate it?

An open relationship only works when those participating in it feel good about the implicit and explicit agreements that define that bond. People don’t feel obligated to adopt that dynamic, but prefer it.

In this sense, It is essential that you do not give in due to pressure or fear that the relationship will end. The cost of agreeing to open the relationship without a genuine choice can be very high. Your needs and desires are just as important as those of your partner.

If after analyzing the situation, your balance leans towards “no”, it is time to express it. Take note of these tips to communicate your decision respectfully.

Speak as clearly as possible

Remember that by proposing this, your partner is aware that there is a possibility that you will say no. It’s a risk you’ve decided to take, and you both must face the repercussions.

Be sure to directly and honestly convey why you don’t feel comfortable opening up the relationship. Transparency is key to preventing confusion, misunderstandings or unnecessary conflicts.

Avoid blame or accusations

No matter how much it hurts you, your partner’s proposal is valid. It is important to avoid pointing fingers or blaming your partner for the situation. Openness and mutual respect is one of the keys to having a difficult conversation.

Continue the dialogue, respecting the feelings that arise and looking for solutions to try to satisfy both parties. If relevant, you can offer alternative proposals that are aligned with the needs of both of you. For example, explore other forms of connection and intimacy together.

Assume the consequences

If your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, you can refuse. However, She is also within her rights to want to change the conditions or, in the most extreme case, choose to end the relationship.

It seems obvious, but it never hurts to remember: you shouldn’t pressure your partner to stay with you. In case she accepts your refusal and decides to continue with monogamy, it is important to find out if she is really satisfied with that choice.

Seeking professional support can be of great help

A specialized therapist can provide you with guidance and effective tools to deal with the emotions that may arise when your partner expresses that he or she wants to have relationships with other people and you do not share that perspective.

Additionally, working with a professional who conducts couples therapy can facilitate open communication and help explore solutions that benefit both parties.

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