My partner speaks badly to me: what can I do?

We have all heard on some occasion a close person make statements such as “my partner speaks badly to me”, “he does not take my feelings into account” or “he does not treat me with respect, I no longer know what to do”. It is even likely that we ourselves have uttered those words to a trusted person. In this sense, Communication problems are one of the main factors of dissatisfaction in romantic relationships.

Human relationships are complex and responsibility is often not unilateral. The couple is made up of two individuals who participate in joint dynamics that could not be maintained without the collaboration of one of them.

However, psychological or verbal abuse can cause such damage to self-esteem that the victim feels unable to recognize what is happening or to act to remedy it. Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation, we want to offer you some guidelines that can increase your clarity.

Verbal abuse or communication problems?

A first important aspect to take into account is that The perception about our most intimate ties is not always accurate. The emotional vulnerability involved in connecting on a deep level with another can lead us to perceive ourselves as victims and label the other as an executioner when it is really a communication problem.

Sánchez-Aragón and Díaz-Loving described six possible communication patterns in the couple related to the satisfaction experienced by both members. Some of these communication styles (such as negative or violent) are clearly harmful and involve contempt, humiliation and lack of respect.

However, others, such as reserved or avoidant, are characterized by cold and dry communication that can cause harm to the couple, but which in itself does not imply aggression.

This is especially relevant when the communication and coping styles of both members of the couple are diametrically opposed. If one of the people needs to talk and express themselves emotionally, and the other chooses avoidance and prefers to take time alone, the conflict is served.

Often, in these situations, the pressure of the more open person can make the other person try to pull away, escape. For this It is essential to know our own communication style and that of the couple, to find a balance.

Signs of aggressive communication

Now, in order to clear our doubts about whether we are victims of verbal aggression or not, below we leave some typical manifestations of abusive communication:

Judgments are made about us without understanding us. For example: “You are too dramatic, everything affects you” either “You’re exaggerating, it’s not that big of a deal.”Any attempt at conversation ends in shouting and arguing.They make fun of usIrony and sarcasm are used in order to hurt and ridicule ourselves in front of others. Empathy does not exist.They make us feel guilty.The objective is to dominate us and undervalue us.The other always reacts badly to our points of view or opinions.

Why does my partner talk bad to me?

On other occasions, verbal aggression and disrespect are evident. When a person insults, shouts, despises or makes fun of another, there is no possible justification. Nevertheless, It can be helpful to understand where those behaviors arise from. For example, these may be due to any of the following situations:

The person is going through a complicated or stressful personal situation and, his inability to manage emotions leads him to react inappropriately with others.The couple is immersed in a negative communication dynamic in which both participate. The lack of respect is mutual and the process is escalating.The person shows a personality pattern marked by aggressiveness, domination or lack of empathy that is maintained over time. This may be due to previous traumas and requires personal psychological work.

The evolution of abuse

On the other hand, it is pertinent to take into account that Aggressive communication within a relationship usually has its escalations, so we must be very attentive to these signs. Harmful words usually begin as apparent jokes or sarcasm, and a laughing “apology” that says you didn’t mean it.

However, These behaviors tend to gain strength over time.until suddenly, without realizing how we got there, we become aware that we are victims of physical and psychological violence by our partner.

In this way, we emphasize the importance of recognizing any signs of verbal abuse and taking appropriate action before it is too late.

What should I do if my partner speaks badly to me?

Whatever the underlying reasons, Verbal aggression and disrespect are not tolerable within a relationship.. Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation you can take some of the following measures:

Recognize and accept what is happening. This is a fundamental first step: you have to stop justifying or minimizing the seriousness of your partner’s behavior. Facing reality is painful, but the emotional consequences of continuing to allow it can be even more so.Identify the reasons that may be causing this aggressive communication Are you going through a difficult situation? Don’t know how to handle stress or anxiety? Is it a trait of your personality? It is always important to know what is hidden behind this type of behavior. This way, we will know what type of actions are most appropriate to resolve the conflict. Express yourself assertively. Tell the other person what types of attitudes and behaviors harm you and what do you expect from the relationship. Establish limits. We can all have a bad day or feel more stressed or irritated at certain times. However, There are certain red lines that cannot be crossed under any circumstances..Take decisions. When we set limits we must know that these must be accompanied by consequences. If your partner continues to disrespect you, remove yourself from the situation and end the relationship..

choose you

If you have reached the point of saying “my partner speaks badly to me, disrespects me and hurts me emotionally” you can no longer take shortcuts or continue avoiding the situation. You are at a key point where you have to choose and you have to be clear that you are the right choice..

Ending a relationship is painful: the fear of loneliness and the feeling of failure can be paralyzing and giving up on the dreams and expectations built together is not easy. However, staying in a harmful relationship can be psychologically and emotionally devastating. Thus, Choose to love yourself, care for yourself and respect yourself and do not continue in a place where the same is not offered to you.

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