Is romantic orientation and sexual orientation the same?

Our romantic orientation and sexual orientation sometimes coincide. We feel an intense and deep sexual-affective connection for someone. However, in other cases, we may experience an overwhelming fascination and emotional attachment to a person without physical desire or attraction. The latter can happen to us with someone of any gender.

We know, Nothing is as chaotic, singular and sparkling as the world of emotions, affections and love. However, carrying out a clarification between both spheres—the romantic and the sexual—gives us peace of mind and also knowledge. Knowing that it is possible to create romantic ties with someone without the variable of sexuality existing is revealing for many people.

Let’s discover, below, how each of these dimensions differs.

Sexual orientation: who you are and who you are sexually attracted to

In the narrative of human relationships we always assume that those who attract us romantically also do so sexually; but it’s not like that. What’s more, most of us feel physical attraction to someone with whom we had no emotional connection. The “have sex and nothing else” thing is true many times.

If this happens, it is because romantic orientation and sexual orientation are not always in sync. A work published in the journal Current Psychology highlights that it is necessary to distinguish romantic orientation from sexual orientation, since They present different mechanisms and give rise to alternative behaviors and bonding styles..

Therefore, we continue to clarify, first of all, what sexual orientation consists of.

Definition of sexual orientation and its categories

Sexual orientation defines who you feel a physical and sexual attraction to. Romantic attraction may or may not appear in this variable. However, as we can well imagine, the most fulfilling and satisfying relationships are achieved when both spheres are in tune.

In turn, the way in which we relate sexually and emotionally with others shapes a series of categories that we all know and that we will list:

Bisexuality: defines attraction to both sexes.Asexuality: sexual attraction is excluded, it is not present.Heterosexuality: attraction to people of a different sex than ours.Homosexuality: It characterizes those who are attracted to same-sex couples.Pansexuality: typical of those who feel attracted to any gender identity.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same

An article in the Journal of Neuroendocrinology explains that sexual identity and sexual orientation are different components. Sometimes, they are correlated, adjusting to the person’s genital sex; but this is not always the case and it is necessary to highlight it.

So, While sexual orientation refers to who we are sexually attracted to, gender identity defines who we are.

Transgender: It implies having an identity different from biological sex.Cisgender: Our identity corresponds to the one with which we were born and that we were assigned.Non-binary: defines people whose gender identity does not coincide entirely with the male or female gender.

Romantic orientation: the non-sexual emotional bond

Throughout our history we conceive romantic love as an expression of passion and sexuality. There we have, for example, the classic works of the anthropologist Helen Fisher such as why we love (2004) or studies such as those published in Frontiers in Psychology, where an evolutionary vision associated with human reproduction is maintained.

However, The main difference between romantic orientation and sexual orientation is that in the former, sexuality, desire or physical attraction are not always present.. As they point out in an analysis in Current Directions in Psychological Science, they are different subjective experiences with different neurobiological substrates.

Definition of romantic orientation and its categories

Romantic orientation defines that emotional, intellectual and romantic connection that we can feel for someone. In this variable, sexual desire may or may not appear. Something like this usually manifests itself in a type of ties that, in many cases, causes contradiction. An example of this is feeling emotional attraction for someone who does not harmonize with our gender identity.

That is, if we are heterosexual we can feel very significant closeness and intimacy with someone of our same sex. It should also be noted that this type of orientation is typical, above all, of asexual people. Let’s get to know the associated categories right away:

Homoromantics: romantic attraction to people of the same gender.Birromantics: They often feel romantic attraction towards people of the same and different genders.Heteroromantic: experiencing romantic attraction to people of a different binary gender.Panromantics: It occurs in those who feel a romantic attraction towards people of all genders.Demiromantic: those who take a long time to feel a genuine romantic attraction for someone. To do this, you must spend time in order to create a closer bond.

Impact of romantic orientation on people

One of the differences between romantic orientation and sexual orientation is that the second usually brings fewer problems than the first.. It’s easy to understand. Sometimes we have a very intense romantic connection with a person, but we don’t want to have sex. Something like this can be disturbing for the other party. And this is also due to our social conventions.

Relationships based exclusively on romantic affection always start from good communication and agreed agreements. Only in this way will discrepancies and suffering be avoided.

In summary: the main differences between romantic orientation and sexual orientation

Recognizing one’s gender identity and sexual orientation is important. That our society advances in this process is beneficial and hopeful. But there is another step to overcome and that is to point out that romantic and sexual orientation do not always go hand in hand. Love is combined in many ways and, as long as there is respect, everything is legal. Because of this, it never hurts to clarify these distinctions:

Sexual orientation defines who you feel attraction and sexual desire for. In it, we may or may not feel romantic attraction. Romantic orientation is expressed in our affective and emotional connection with other people, without sexual desire existing. In romantic orientation, emotional and intellectual attraction is possible for people who do not coincide with our sexual orientation.

To conclude, if we feel any doubt or concern in this matter, we can always go to organizations and groups in this area. Likewise, also We have psychologists specialized in gender identity and emotional relationships, who will alleviate our fears and problems.. Loving offers fullness to life; Let’s do it without fear.

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