6 theories about falling in love

Why do we fall in love? Why do some forms of love last while others do not? Psychologists and researchers in other fields, such as biology, sociology, and philosophy, have proposed various theories about love to explain how and why we fall in love.

Falling in love is a form of love involving intense feelings of attraction, without a sense of commitment, and that generally occurs in the early stages of a relationship and can develop into a more lasting love. In this article We will review 6 theories of love that will allow us to better understand this stage.

1. Neurobiological theory of love

The cortex, middle insula, anterior cingulate, hippocampus, parts of the striatum and nucleus accumbens are involved in love. In one study, it was found that when participants looked at the face of the person they were in love with, some specific areas of their brain were activated.

These were the medial insula, the anterior cingulate cortex, and segments of the dorsal striatum. However, there were also some that seemed to be deactivated. These included parts of the right prefrontal cortex, bilateral parietal cortex, and temporal cortices.

Many of the brain regions that are activated when we fall in love are coextensive with those that have high concentrations of neuromodulators, such as dopamine, which are involved in reward, desire, addiction and euphoria.

The release of this substance makes us feel good and its increase is combined with the reduction of serotonin. Serotonin depletion during falling in love is similar to that experienced by OCD patients. Under the influence of Cupid we spend a lot of time thinking about that other person, just as the obsessive person does not stop thinking about what generates anxiety.

Falling in love has also been associated with nerve growth factor. The concentration of this substance correlates with the intensity of romantic feelings. Likewise, oxytocin and vasopressin play a role in falling in love. Both are particularly related to attachment and bonding, and are discharged during orgasm, childbirth, and breastfeeding in women.

Thus, from this perspective, for falling in love to occur, the action or inaction of different neurochemicals and the activation and deactivation of certain cortical and subcortical regions must be integrated.

Falling in love is highly driven by neurotransmitters like dopamine, according to science.

2. Triangular theory of love

Within Sternberg’s triangular theory of love there are three components of love.

Privacy

It is the closeness that each one feels for the other and the strength of the bond that unites them. Intimacy is generally stable over time and can be controlled in some way. This component plays a medium role in short-term relationships, but is totally relevant in long-term relationships (Sternberg, 1986).

Passion

It is a desire of great intensity accompanied by a strong tendency to seek union with the other. It is based on romantic feelings, physical attraction and sexual intimacy with the partner.

Passion is usually unstable and fluctuates very frequently. People generally cannot control whether it is present or not, but they are very aware of it. This component of love tends to be important in short-term relationships and play a relatively relevant role in long-term relationships (Sternberg, 1986).

Commitment

It is the will to maintain the link with the other. When a relationship has this component, the couple seeks to overcome any adversity and perpetuate affection, regardless of the circumstances. Commitment includes cognitive elements that go into making decisions about the existence and long-term commitment to the relationship. Like the intimacy component, it tends to remain stable.

Combinations of these components result in different types of love. For example, combining intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love, while combining passion and intimacy leads to romantic love.

3. Integral theory of love

Psychology has described different forms of love and in all of them, the role of attraction, attachment-commitment and care (AAC) seems to be consistent in all of them.

The AAC model can be fully captured by four fundamental factors: attraction, connection or resonance, trust and respect, providing a novel framework that could explain love in all its forms (Tobore, 2020).

Attraction

Both attachment and attraction play a role in the obsession or passion observed in love. Attraction affects commitment in a relationship and is influenced by the perceived value or attractiveness of the relationship.

Connection or resonance

Connection is key to commitment, care and intimacy. It creates a sense of unity in relationships and is strengthened by proximity, familiarity, similarity and shared positive experiences.

Trust

Trust is crucial to love and plays an important role in relationship intimacy and care, as well as attachment. Familiarity is a necessary condition for trust, and this for the satisfaction of the relationship.

I respect

It is fundamental in love and in all interpersonal relationships. It is essential in the commitment and satisfaction of relationships (Hendrick and Hendrick, 2006) and in their intimacy and attachment.

Although these factors can act independently, the weakening of one negatively affects the others. Likewise, strengthening oneself positively modulates others and the state of love.

4. The color wheel model

in his book The Colors of Love, John Lee, presents another theory of love. In it he compares love styles to the color wheel. That is, in the same way that There are three primary colors, there are three primary styles of love.. These are the following:

Eros

Lee describes this style as sensual, intense and loaded with passion. Erotic lovers would be inclined to seek and prioritize sexual satisfaction and aesthetic enjoyment..

ludos

this kind of love refers to those who perceive love as fun: doing indoor and outdoor activities, teasing, treating each other, and playing harmless pranks on each other. They rarely if ever overcommit.

Storge

It is represented by familial love between parents and children, siblings and family members.. This type of love can also develop from friendship, in which people who share interests and commitments gradually develop affection for each other.

Combining these three styles can create the following secondary love styles:

Mania (obsessive love): combination of Eros and ludus.Pragma (realistic and practical love): integration of ludus and Storge.Agape (selfless love): association between Eros and Storge.

5. The attachment theory of love

For this theory, a person’s attachment style is partially formed by the relationship they had with their attachment figures in childhood. This same pattern of interaction continues into adulthood, where it becomes part of romantic relationships.

The three adult attachment styles are as follows:

Anxious/ambivalent: A person with this style worries that their partner does not love them.Avoidant: Someone with this style feels uncomfortable approaching others.Sure: An individual with this attachment has few worries about being abandoned or fears of someone else getting too close.

This theory holds that the experiences of love and attachment we have affect our beliefs, which in turn affect the outcomes of our relationships.

Depending on the attachment pattern we have, this is how we will relate to our partner.

6. Compassionate love versus passionate love

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield proposed that there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love.

compassionate love It is characterized by respect, attachment, affection and trust. This love usually develops from feelings of understanding and respect.passionate love It is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. When it is reciprocated, people feel euphoric and fulfilled; but when it is not, they feel discouraged and desperate.

There are many theories about how we fall in love, being to a certain extent a reflection of individual variability. That is why it is so complicated to limit, in an explanation, this very complex and wonderful feeling.

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