My partner shuts down during arguments: what can I do?

Does your partner shut down during arguments? Is he one of those who refuses to say anything and leaves you with words and frustration on the surface? These types of behaviors are not something isolated; In reality, they are a common reaction that demonstrates once again how much we still need to advance and develop in matters of communication and emotional intelligence.

Cicero said that arguing sharpens sharpness, but the truth is that There are many who show an absolute allergy to confronting, argue and exchange ideas to defend a position and, if possible, reach an agreement or conclusion.

There are many who see the discussions as a threatening situation. They are the ones who block themselves, those who accumulate anger or simply do not have adequate assertiveness skills.

It is evident that We would all like a relationship to be like a dance. Paced movements and perfect harmony. However, even in any dance it is necessary to know how to master all movements: the easy ones and the difficult ones. This is how we will be able to move with greater poise and temperance, facing all unforeseen events and complications.

What can you do if your partner shuts down during arguments?

And you, Do you know how to argue, are you one of those who loses your temper or perhaps one of those who closes in? On average, we usually encounter these three types of dynamics.

While in the center is someone who is skilled and effective in the art of discussions, on each side are those very problematic extremes. The one who loses his temper and ends up shouting or the one who applies the silent treatment: I shut up and walk away.

It is not easy at all to be the member of the couple who sees how the other suddenly opts for the latter. By blocking the conversation, not responding and marking that harsh distance in which everything remains in the air, unresolved and with infinite hairs in the emotional cat flap. Likewise, there is something that we must be clear about: Knowing how to communicate is what guarantees the survival and quality of an emotional relationship.

This is what studies such as those carried out at the University of Georgia reveal to us: the quality of the communication processes is what predicts the satisfaction of any emotional bond. Therefore, if your partner closes off during arguments, it is something that you must work on and manage.

It is not good for problems to remain in limbothat disagreements are left with fringes in which everything gets caught and that small differences become large cracks through which everything collapses little by little.

Understand the reason for your block

Each one of us is the result of a complex and particular filming. There are those who have grown up in a family environment in which dialogue was not frequent and where emotions were not taken into account.. There are many who have spent a good part of their lives swallowing their needs, desires, fears and frustrations like someone swallowing a stone. It is not easy to put words to what one has been silencing all one’s life.

That way, if your partner shuts down during arguments, it’s good to know why. Nevertheless, Don’t make the mistake of presupposing, dare to ask to understand.

They may not know how to conduct a dialogue in which to defend positions and argue issues of an emotional nature.You may feel overwhelmed by emotions and lack the skills to manage them.He believes that this discussion is not going to get him anywhere.

Time out: give yourself a few hours to resume the discussion at another time

It can happen. Sometimes emotions overwhelm us and we cannot express ourselves as we wish. So, When your partner closes down during arguments it is good to give him time. “I understand how you feel. We can leave this now, but we will talk later because it is important that we approach this problem calmly.”

Giving time serves to relax emotions, clarify ideas and gain perspective. Talking to your partner with affection while proposing to postpone that conversation, without reproaching them in a derogatory way for their reaction, can help you. However, yes, It is important that this dialogue occurs. It’s not worth letting it go and sitting around all day with a frown on your face.

The discussions that are blocked and that one of the two chooses to leave in the air end up being a well where frustrations, resentments and the tangle of unsaid words accumulate. These emotions, like stagnant water, end up degrading.

When your partner closes off during arguments, look for other options

There are more channels with which to encourage dialogue. If your partner closes off during arguments, you can suggest that he write down what he feels.. Let him use paper and pencil. You can also use other resources:

Ask him with closeness and affection what he feels and what he thinks. Propose some activity that breaks that tension: going out to dinner or for a walk. Sometimes, Introducing another activity and another context calms nerves and encourages dialogue.

To conclude, it is true that these situations are not easy. There are people who make scabs, who are like armor that closes in on themselves and who are very difficult to reach to communicate with. Knowing how to argue is the first thing for emotional well-being and this art is something in which we should all be enabled to be able to coexist.

You might be interested…