How can I support my partner in his depression process?

Suffering from a depressive process is a painful experience both for the person who suffers from it and for those who surround and accompany them. Supporting a couple in depression means facing moments in which they are inconsolable, where one’s own efforts are overlooked and, ultimately, one observes how the perception of the world and how one operates in it become distorted.

In these cases, he Social support is key in recovery from a depressive state. In fact, research on the subject affirms that the greatest source of support in adulthood is the romantic partner (Gariépy et al., 2018).

However, even if there is a strong will to help, sometimes mistakes are made that deteriorate the relationship. Therefore, here you will find a series of tips to help your partner in this dark time, so that both of you emerge victorious.

The depression of the other

The mind of a person with depression works differently than that of one who does not suffer from it. Life events are not evaluated in the same way, the intentions of others are not interpreted in the same way, even the information that is remembered varies. Therefore, being the observer of someone who is depressed leads to confusion, anger and frustration, especially if there is an emotional connection.

At this point you should keep 2 ideas in mind: Nobody likes sadness to control their life and depression does not define a person. It is an emotional disorder that affects the perception, interpretation and interaction of the environment. Although it is a mental health problem, it is often seen as selfishness, lack of will, or an intention to harm.

This interpretation, which comes naturally, is not something that should be repressed, but rather redirected and transformed. It’s not easy and it will take some time, but it is possible. Below are some tips to achieve this.

How to support a couple going through a process of depression

When a partner or another loved one falls into depression, it is important that everyone around them becomes involved in helping them. To do it effectively, these actions can be implemented.

1. Educate yourself about depression

Each person experiences depression in a different way. There are disparate reactions to suffering from this disorder. Some spend long periods in bed, others increase their activity and stop eating or eat too much; There are those who become violent, etc.

That’s why, It is crucial that you get information about depression and that you identify how your partner’s behavior manifests itself, so that you can support him.

Going to a mental health professional is a good way to approach this documentation work.

2. Create a safe space at home and at your social gatherings

If you live with your partner, It is very valuable that you feel that your home is a safe place to express yourself and feel supported. Likewise, this feeling of home should extend to gatherings with family and friends. Take into account the following:

Never invalidate your partner’s emotions. Try to learn from their symptoms and put yourself in their place. Depression is not chosen. Do not blame him for his symptoms or for taking a long time to recover. Do not identify his personality with what he manifests. An individual is not his depression. Try not to take personally his actions during crises: bad words, accusations, etc.

If the depressed person feels that they are not safe in an environment, their symptoms will worsen and they will not accept help.

3. Take care of your language and cultivate good communication

Be careful, it’s not about repressing your thoughts, but about knowing when to express them. Nor about sugarcoating your words, but about communicating with emotional responsibility. So that you better understand these tips, we leave you some phrases that, although stated with good intentions, are counterproductive:

“You lack willpower”: Choose to say “you are strong and you will be able to handle this.”«Think of all the good things you have in your life»: Rephrase it like this, “I’m here for you.”“You have to do your part too”: It is better to say something like “I will help you with everything that is beyond you.”“You never recover”: Depression has ups and downs and can last over time. Try “I’ll be by your side.”

4. Difference between solving their problems and being their support

This limit, which means the difference between helping your partner maintain pathological processes and helping him overcome them, is very difficult to find at first.

However, it is important Identify when you are participating in a step towards healing and when you compensate for a maintenance dynamic. In this sense, the help of a professional is essential.

5. Be patient

The depressive process is not linear and, sometimes, it is impossible to predict its duration. Patience plays a key role, since it is easy to get frustrated when a relapse appears after that improvement that seemed headed towards a definitive recovery.

As a companion, your best tool will be unconditionality to support your partner with depression. It is natural that you falter from time to time, because you are also a human being with limits. Take your time for self-care, renew your strength.

6. Pay attention to signs of worsening, self-harm and suicide

Your most crucial action, when the time comes, could be to save your partner’s life. Do not downplay signs such as saying goodbye to loved ones, expressing a wish to die, or handing out belongings. At these times you should go to health professionals to activate the anti-suicide protocol.

To support your partner with depression, take care of yourself

The support and care of this disease is very hard. It is possible that, as a result, you will develop depressive or anxiety symptoms, including burnt out caregiver syndrome.

That’s why, Even if you dedicate your efforts to taking care of the person you love most, never neglect your health. Set and respect your limits.

Finally, remember that depression and anxiety are the two pandemics of the modern world. Not all people have the privilege of having decent living conditions or quality psychological care. If you are here, perhaps it is because you are looking for a way to alleviate the nightmare that someone you love is experiencing. And that will mean fighting. Lots of strength and don’t falter.

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