My partner keeps me away from my friends

The anthropologist Robin Dunbar has studied the effect of having a partner and being in love on our relationships with our friends and the results he obtained are clear: When a new person enters your life, it displaces two others from your closest circle.usually to a family member and a friend.

It is common that, especially at the beginning of a relationship, we want to spend more time with our partner and fully enjoy that passion and emotion from the beginning; But over time, if the relationship is consolidated, it will be time to introduce our partner to family and friends.

The arrival of a new person to our circle of friends can be viewed with suspicion in the first moments, but overcoming this, little by little, the most natural thing will be for us to integrate our partner into our relationships with other people like friends and family.

The difficult balance between friends and partner

Each of us has friends, family, interests and tastes that characterize us, and when two people begin to get to know each other and begin a relationship, they introduce themselves and explore, little by little, each of these facets of the other’s life.

A relationship is about sharing and enjoying differences, But this is not achieved overnight, but rather requires a process that involves time and patience. Knowing a person in depth, therefore, is an investment.

Our friends and family are also significant beings who have a great influence on us and, sometimes, on our relationship as a couple. That is why, sometimes, it is difficult to combine friends and partner, even giving rise to a serious conflict.

My partner distances me from my friends: when does it become a problem?

As we already said, It is quite common that at the beginning of any relationship there is an inclination to spend more time with the partner than with other people. So to some extent, neglecting other links at this stage can be considered normal.

Now this behavior It becomes a problem when it extends over time and controlling and possessive behaviors begin to appear. within the relationship. In these cases, jealousy, distrust, threats and prohibitions are the order of the day:

“Don’t you see how that friend of yours looks at you? He likes you, that’s why I don’t like you being with him““I don’t like those friends of yours, I don’t want you to see them anymore.““Your friends are a bad influence, I don’t want you to continue “seeing them”

Phrases of this type They are typical when the couple believes they own each other. and he believes that he can choose who his partner hangs out with and who he doesn’t. Generally, these types of people justify themselves by saying that they want the good for the couple and the relationship; when the truth represents a big red flag.

Therefore, If your partner separates you from your friends due to jealousy and possession, then it is a real problem. In some cases, each person’s personal work, where they enhance self-esteem and self-love, is vital to repairing the dynamics of the relationship. While in others, the healthiest solution will be a breakup.

How to combine friendships with a relationship

According to anthropologist, psychologist and biologist Robin Dunbar, love takes time away from friends and that causes friendships to deteriorate; because if you don’t see people, the emotional bond with each friend weakens quickly.

However, this does not have to be the common denominator, it is possible to achieve a healthy balance between the time we spend with our partner and the time we share with other loved ones. Let’s see how to achieve it.

Have respect

Respect for our partner’s life, their friends and their tastes is essential for the relationship to work. If your partner distances you from your friends, ask for respect so you can share time with them, to continue cultivating those friendships that are important to you.

Make time for your friends

A relationship implies that there will be a part of our life that we share and another in which we maintain our individuality. Spending time with our friends, sharing experiences, talking to them and being close to them is something that is important to keep even if we have a partner.

Don’t let your friends interfere in your relationship

On many occasions, the great trust we have in our friends allows them to give their opinion about our relationship or our partner. But, it is important that you know how to differentiate what they think and what you want, because perhaps that interference from your friends is what causes your partner to distance you from them.

Respect your partner’s privacy

Sometimes we tend to tell all kinds of intimate things about our partner to our friends, but It is important to respect what we share in our love relationship with another person. Sometimes, if something worries us we can share it with a friend, but always with respect.

Friendship is good for health

For both men and women, having friends is good for your health. People with a large number of friends have lower tension, suffer less stress, have stronger defenses, and even live longer.

According to psychologist Julianne Holt-Lundstad at Brigham Young University (Utah – United States): “Studies show a 50% increase in the probability of living longer if you have a solid network of social relationships.”

Therefore, Even if we have a partner, it is essential to cultivate and take care of our friendship relationships and learn to combine them with a relationship. Sometimes it is complicated, but it is worth the effort to be fully happy.

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