My partner is distant, I feel like she is a hundred light years away: what is happening?

“My partner is distant, even though he is by my side, I feel him a hundred light years away.”. Even though he is talking to me, I notice that his attention is on another planet, far from me.” Does this feeling sound familiar to you? The truth is that there are many people who have ever dealt with that uncomfortable and exhausting reality.

This circumstance is not pleasant, it is true. It is also not easy to handle and It is very common to feel frustrated and fall into excessive thinking. (Have I done something? Is he angry? Has he stopped loving me?) This hurricane of constant questions increases unspeakably when the other person does not give us a clear explanation of what is happening to them.

The most important thing is to address that distance directly. In a healthy and committed emotional relationship, problems must be treated intelligently, assertively and respectfully. Communication and understanding are decisive, although sometimes we may be faced with someone who chooses to close in.

Reasons why your partner is distant

If there is something we would like, it is to be 100% in tune with our partner in every dimension, thought and need. However, this is not possible nor will it ever happen. Each of us carries our own experience, a way of seeing things and a way of managing emotions.

The purpose of every relationship will be to find harmony based on each person’s differences. This is achieved through good communication, empathy and that love that establishes commitment and the desire to fight for that bond.

For example, books like Why marriages succeed or fail from relationship expert John Gottman emphasize that Understanding is an indisputable variable for many problems to be solved.

Therefore, If the partner is distant, we must avoid imitating their behavior and being defensive. The “if you don’t listen to me, I will do the same” only exacerbates that reality even more. Being understanding and close can make things easier by using empathy instead of anger, affection instead of frustration.

Let us now analyze what the causes of this behavior may be.

He loves you, but he needs a little more personal space

Sometimes we can reach a point in our relationship where one of us may feel overwhelmed. This does not mean that one does not love the other; we just need to reformulate spaces and times. Sometimes, The simple fact of spending a lot of time together and not dedicating time to hobbies or friendships can lead us to that “overwhelm.”

Now, there is an obvious fact. Our partner may seem distant because of it, but this is something that should be discussed normally before leading to this behavior and attitude.

Makes poor emotional management

If the couple is distant, it may be due to an unresolved disagreement. To a misunderstanding. To an anger that persists like woodworm in his mind. In general, poor management of both social skills and emotions leads to these sudden distances that are so worrying.

Not knowing how to communicate, solve problems and talk about what hurts or worries often leads many people to shut down. In these situations, it is important to facilitate close and respectful dialogue and invite the couple to express themselves. Only when the other is able to open up, can we solve what distances us.

You have stress and worry

Research work, such as those carried out at the University of Arizona, highlights how Stress can at some point lead to negative interactions between members of an emotional relationship. Therefore, if my partner is distant, the cause may be due to work or personal factors.

We all fall into the black hole of stress very often. The mental impact that derives from this psychological state affects how we relate, our motivation and our emotional state. No one will be the best companion in the world when they feel stressed. Therefore, it is decisive that we know how to support others in these circumstances.

There may be problems in the relationship that he doesn’t talk to you about.

The heartbreak, the unhappiness, the weight of routine, the excess of arguments and differences, the disappointments, the lack of hope… The distance between a couple can be woven by problems that are not talked about. They are like silent ghosts that we hide under the bed; We don’t want to see them, but they are there.

One of the reasons for that cold that we feel even when we are next to each other is the inevitable heartbreak. They are experiences that sometimes drag on unnecessarily and are not talked about because they do not want to cause harm. Thus, it is possible that we feel our partner is light years away from us because he does not know how to tell us what he feels, what is happening inside him.

This situation needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Sometimes we will be able to provide you with a solution. Reviving the love that rusts under the weight of routine is possible. Resolving what worries you or fueling lack of enthusiasm are also areas that can be addressed.

On the other hand, if what is causing the distance is lack of love or the presence of a third person, we must talk about it as soon as possible. We do not deserve to live in that antechamber of uncertainties and false hopes. Assertive communication is the key that opens the door to every problem so that two of you can face it. We don’t know what happens next, but the essential thing is to talk, dialogue, be honest… Let’s keep it in mind.

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