My partner is a gambler: what to do?

Gambling addiction is a mental disorder that not only affects the life of the person who suffers from it, but also that of their loved ones. If you think your partner has gambling problems, worry and indecision are normal.

The first thing you should know is that gambling addiction is a disease and, as such, requires specialized care. However, there are also certain actions you can take as a couple to support him.

In times of difficulty, the bond of a couple can be a great support to find a way out. Through your actions, you can become a help so that this dependency comes under control in a short period of time.

Is my partner a gambling addict?

Gambling addiction is a psychological condition characterized by difficulty or inability to control impulses associated with gambling. The gambler has problems regulating his behavior when participating in games in which money is bet. For that reason, Gambling addiction is considered a type of behavioral addiction.

Following this line, not all people who gamble become gamblers and there are multiple factors that intervene. However, beyond the possible causes, if you suspect that your partner is a gambling addict, there are certain signs that you can look for to be more or less sure of your hypothesis.

Next, we will see some characteristic behaviors of people with gambling addiction.

People with gambling addiction have problems controlling their impulses.

Gambling causes significant economic losses

In order to satisfy their desire to gamble, gamblers can invest a large amount of money. Even when they no longer have it in their pocket, they may borrow from family, friends or even their partner. This way, It is important to observe how your partner’s expenses are distributed.

He thinks he is in control of the game

Mañoso, Labrador and Alba (2004) published a work on the cognitive distortions presented by pathological gamblers. One of the most common is the illusion of control, whereby They think that the role of chance is much less decisive than it really is. Furthermore, they often think that their probability of winning is greater than what mathematical laws tell us.

This illusion of control is also transferred to one’s own behavior, since you probably think you can quit the game whenever you want. However, in many cases this is far from the case.

Lies and mood swings

On the other hand, if you suspect that your partner is a gambling addict, analyze the most recent changes you have detected in his or her behavior. You may have noticed that he has started to stop telling you where he is most of the time, comes home later from work or leaves earlier.

It could also happen that you detect in your partner very intense mood swings that you are not able to explain. These are actually produced by your ability to play and the outcome of this game. On the other hand, if these are bets that you place days in advance, you may notice that you are especially nervous on those days.

Work problems

Like any other addiction, problem gambling affects the life of those who suffer from it in different areas, including work. It is not unusual for them to suddenly start taking time off to gamble or to get money from their company to gamble.

When addiction becomes chronic, it is easy for them to lose their job. If they still have resources, it is also easy for them to see this loss as a liberation: this way they have more time to play, while it is also the only thing they think about.

Legal difficulties

It is common for gamblers to engage in risky behavior in order to satisfy their addiction. For this reason, They may become involved in legal matters such as lawsuits, garnishments, or could even face jail time. For example, if they bet in places that are unregistered and illegal.

What can I do if my partner is a gambling addict?

If your partner has the aforementioned characteristics, it is very likely that he or she has a gambling problem. In this way, it is important to remember that relationships are usually meaningful bonds and your actions can help in recovery. However, the one who must make most of the effort is your partner to get out of this situation.

1. Be patient and understanding

It is essential to be clear about the fact that gambling addiction is a mental illness and understand what that means. Álvarez, Bedoya and Arredondo (2010) conducted research on the cognitive profile of problem gamblers and obtained several conclusions. One of them was that Gamblers use gambling as a coping strategy for your emotional discomfort.

On the other hand, it is essential to understand that gambling addiction is a problem of impulse control. Most likely, your partner recognizes in some way that he has difficulty regulating himself, but at the same time he cannot stop. It is not an issue that can be solved by simply wanting it, it is necessary to address it for what it is: a disease.

2. Avoid paying your debts and take control of your money

If you suspect that “my partner is a gambling addict”, the best thing you can do is not pay his debts and take charge of the money. Often, people around you think that by giving you money they are offering you some kind of help, but that is not the case. In the end, they could use the money to gamble again and lose it again.

In addition, By taking control of the money in the home there will be less risk of gambling it and affecting the rest of the family.. Additionally, if you decide to start treatment for your problem, managing money will help you endure withdrawal.

3. Help him recognize that he has a problem

The first step to change is to recognize the current situation and understand why it should be different. Try to talk to your partner about what is happening, without blaming or recriminating their actions. Rather, try to make him see that he is not able to control his impulses and explain how that affects you.

Regarding this point, keep in mind that your partner could have a negative reaction and deny reality. If that happens, remember to be patient and understand that it is not an easy situation for either of you.

Talking about the topic without criticism or accusations is an option to help your partner.

4. Look for support groups

A good way to address the problem is by trying to contact support groups. Pathological gambling is a more common condition than it seems and there are therapy groups for this disorder.

Listening to other people’s experiences in a similar situation may help you better understand your circumstances. This way, you could recognize your problem and seek the professional guidance you need.

5. Plan healthy and pleasant activities with your partner

The issue with addictions is that the person uses them as their only source of pleasure in the midst of discomfort. For that reason, a positive strategy is to organize healthy and fun activities that you can share as a couple. For example, You can try to do some sport or physical activity that you both enjoy, as it can help in treatment.

Williams and Strean (2004) published a study on the use of physical activity in the treatment of substance abuse. In conclusion, they established that Regular physical exercise can be a good adjuvant in treatment thanks to its health benefits.

6. Get the attention of a specialist

If your partner is able to recognize that he has a problem, it is best to see a specialist. With it, not only will recovery be more likely, but it will also minimize the risk of relapse and in many cases it will also make the process relatively quick.

On the other hand, Although it is very tempting, this is not the time to blame the person affected: The fact that you feel bad will only fuel your desire to play.

To end, A partner with a gambling problem can also cause great wear and tear on you.. That is why it is important that if you feel overwhelmed, you seek help: by neglecting your emotional well-being, you will hardly be able to help someone.

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