My partner doesn’t want to work, what can I do in this case?

One of the worst sources of stress is unemployment. This is an often devastating reality for those who suffer from it. Although we also neglect the perception of the spouse or partner who sees the other person immersed in despair and dejection without knowing what to do. Now, sometimes, a curious and surprising situation may arise, the one in which the couple does not want to work.

How can it be? Is it perhaps an isolated situation or is it something that appears frequently? The truth is that we lack data. Nevertheless, The fact that someone voluntarily declines to carry out a work activity is still striking.. Now, this does not mean we should fall into prejudice or the wrong label by jumping to conclusions.

Sometimes, depression can hide behind this low motivation or refusal to look for a job. The most decisive thing in all cases is to understand what is happening and then make agreed decisions. We cannot ignore the fact that in recent times the states of helplessness, apathy and decay have only increased.

We must be alert and empathetic in all cases.

My partner does not want to work: keys that we must put into practice

One of the most impactful variables for mental health is unemployment. The lack of opportunities and not being able to develop professionally or have a salary are serious injuries to self-esteem and self-concept. Thus, studies such as those carried out at the Pompeu Fabra University (Barcelona) tell us that, on average, it is men who tend to be at greater risk of suffering from depression due to this fact.

However, in recent decades and as women are taking their place in public and professional spaces, the effect of lack of employment on mental health is also notable. Therefore, we have almost “normalized” the idea that few things are as decisive, satisfying and basic for human beings as performing a job function.

So… How do you explain the fact that there are those who avoid or avoid this responsibility? What’s more, what can I do if my partner doesn’t want to work? Let’s analyze a series of dimensions that can help us and reflect.

1. Don’t judge, don’t anticipate, find out what motivates that decision

Unless we have highly solvent resources and economic income, The most common thing is to need the salary of both. It is true that, sometimes, you can choose only one if you decide between both, such as if someone stays at home for reasons of raising children.

However, the most common thing is that both members of a couple work to contribute their part of the salary to each expense, to each need. Now, if one of the two chooses not to do so, confusion and problems arise. Before telling ourselves that our partner is irresponsible, Let’s ask ourselves what motivates that decision or that attitude.

Ask assertively and closely what is the reason why you do not want to work. Keep in mind that this is a question of great importance and we need a clear answer. It is very possible that, far from obtaining clarification, we will be answered with evasion or with formulas such as “I’ll do it or don’t worry, I’ll get to it.”. Obviously, this type of reasoning does not work for us and If dialogue does not help, it is time to address other indicators.

Symptoms of depression

One of the reasons why the couple does not want to work may be depression due to unemployment.. They are those situations in which the despondency is such that they lead to states of absolute helplessness. In which case, we must look at the following symptoms:

Mood changes: irritability, bad mood, apathy, negativity, greater tendency to argue. Exhaustion. Changes in sleeping and eating habits. Low sexual desire.Feeling of uselessness.Seeing the world with bitterness, focusing on injustices and inequalities and feeling that nothing has a solution anymore. They no longer enjoy moments of leisure.

2. Is it an attitude towards life or does it respond to an inexplicable change?

It is possible that you have only been with your partner for a short time and until now he has always been unemployed. Likewise, the situation may also arise that you have been an active, proactive person with a specific job until, suddenly, following a dismissal, you demonstrate a change in your attitude and behavior. These are two different situations.

Someone who has spent their entire life avoiding having a job responsibility is not the same as someone who, for whatever reasons, perhaps decides to take some time. They are contrasting realities that we must delve into to understand their triggers.

We already know that sometimes, if the couple does not want to work, there is a possibility that they have some psychological problem. However, what happens if I am with someone who directly does not want to work?

What should I do if my partner doesn’t want to look for a job?

There are various reasons why someone chooses not to look for a job. You may already have plenty of financial solvency. But it may happen that you are used to the family covering your daily needs, whims and expenses. If you don’t agree with this lifestyle, it’s time to confront it with that person.

Make your expectations clear: You want someone responsible who will collaborate financially in the relationship and expenses. Having a job also goes beyond the economic aspect, working is synonymous with transcendence and personal development.Set some objectives and times. If you do not see an active willingness to look for a job within a month, make firm decisions and let them know. Having a job, looking for one and actively worrying about your own training and development in this area is synonymous with personal maturity. Detail all your thoughts honestly. If the other person is not in tune with them, it is clear that there is an unbridgeable gap in that relationship.

3. My partner doesn’t want to work: what role do they want to play?

If my partner doesn’t want to work, perhaps he or she is filling a role that I hadn’t yet discovered. What does this mean? We may be with someone who simply wants to be provided for. It is possible that he accepts the fact that the other person’s salary is enough and that it is not worth putting in the effort or looking into the long term.

In these situations, one assumes, almost without realizing it, the role of that parent who provides food and shelter to someone who does not want to be an adult. Someone who Far from agreeing on this decision with us, he has made it of his free will. These are realities as complex as they are delicate that can cause great suffering.

In any case, we have to face them and understand what is going through our partner’s mind. Based on what we discover, we will act in one direction or another.

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