Men do cry: the diversity of masculinity

“Men are strong”, but above all… “men do not cry”…They are just two of the most popular jokes that we can find in our daily lives, in all types of contexts. It seems that our masculinity is limited to the limit of what we can and cannot do, or better, what is socially accepted and what is not.

But why? Why should a man show his masculinity by acting, feeling and expressing himself according to certain social criteria if his way of acting, feeling and expressing himself is different? Let’s answer this and some more questions about it.

What do we call masculinity?

Masculinity brings together a series of attributes, characteristics and traits that serve to identify men in a social context. But not only do they have an identifying function, they also create a feeling of identity, which is socially reinforced if many of these attributes, characteristics and traits are met.

Masculinity is not a harmful concept, nor to eliminate. What can be harmful or detrimental is how that masculinity is constructed. That is to say, Depending on how society defines those attributes, characteristics, and traits, will determine the type of masculinity that will prevail.

How are the elements that define supposed masculinity selected? During everyday life, we learn to conceive what being masculine symbolizes and what it does not.mainly through social models and our education.

When a man performs a certain behavior or has a certain attitude towards any event, and the rest of his peers reinforce that behavior and classify it as masculine or manly based on their own life learning, that behavior is more likely to be repeated.

Have we built a healthy masculinity?

Let’s answer that question through an example, which, although not real, has been real thousands of times:

“Raúl is a six-year-old boy, very sensitive, who watches an animated movie and cries. when one of the characters dies. Her grandmother, sitting next to him on the sofa, looked at him, and although with a loving tone and good intentions, she said to her grandson: “Honey, don’t cry, men don’t cry.”

Raúl, who is also a very introspective boy, reacts with surprise to this statement from his grandmother, and stops to think about it for a long time, although he does not quite understand what it means… He feels like a boy, and his grandmother is telling him that it can’t be, because he cries, and boys don’t cry, so the situation causes him discomfort.

After a few years, Raúl has that phrase that his grandmother tells him marked, and he finally understands that his masculinity was not the problem, but that The problem was that the only socially accepted and widespread masculinity was the one that his grandmother had transmitted to him. through that phrase.”

In this history, It would be unfair to blame Raúl’s grandmother, because she expresses what she has learned throughout her life. There are many “Raúls” who have suffered and had many crises caused by this type of social evaluations or judgments, some more subtle and others more direct.

Therefore, no, we have not built a healthy masculinity, because The prevailing masculinity in our society creates dissonance in men themselvesbecause it fosters a climate of inequality between men and women, because it does not encourage or reinforce some of the most beautiful behaviors that exist, such as emotional care, in addition to many other reasons.

The diversity of ways of being a man

Fortunately, More and more of us are distancing ourselves from the traditional “man” stereotype. and we define ourselves as men according to our own way of being, but above all according to our own way of feeling.

Men’s emotional expression has always been censored or restricted, surely and in most cases, by the men themselves. This can be a good start to deconstruct our masculinity, express our emotions, our fears, our insecurities, etc.

This does not mean that all men have to express their emotions in a certain way, but rather it means that Anyone who feels they have to express their emotions in a certain way can do so without subjecting themselves to constant judgment. of those around us.

It is also interesting to redefine concepts closely linked to masculinity, such as bravery or strength. Therefore, instead of appealing to the courage to accept challenges where there is a challenge, how about we appeal to the courage to ask for help when we need it? What if we appealed to courage to be able to express something that scares us, or that causes us sadness, or even shame? What if that strong man is the one who hugs her daughter when she cries? And what if the strong man is the one who says “I love you” to a friend?

If we censure caring, sensitive and affectionate behaviors in men, it means that We have to rethink a lot, as a society, what it means to be a man today.

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