Before the vice of asking there is the virtue of not giving

Many of the people around us are addicted to asking and asking without offering anything in return. These are people who take advantage of certain situations and who believe that what interests them is above all else.

Normally they do not question whether their requests are fair or unfair, since they do not know the measure beyond their own interest. As is obvious, there are more or less masked selfishnessbut generally over time we can open our eyes and protect ourselves.

This is especially dangerous for our emotional integrity. Well, they may even make us feel guilty for not giving them what they are asking for even though it is in our power.

To avoid this, We must get a mental balance that allows us to weigh in the most objective way possible if the benefit is reciprocal or, on the contrary, we always end up harmed.

Don’t confuse kindness with naivety

As they say, it is one thing to be good and quite another to be “stupid.” What happens is that many times we commit the latter by not renouncing kindness. As a result, they can take advantage of us. In this way, we run the risk of giving and giving without being aware that we are actually being taken advantage of. Until there comes a moment when we realize that they are using us.

In these types of situations we can feel sad, disappointed, irascible and distrustful. How could we expect someone we’ve done so much for not to respond? In this sense, and once again, our problem is in our expectations. Given that He who expects a lot may be just as disappointed. Creating expectations about how others should behave can cause us great suffering when it does not correspond to what happens.

Sometimes we give everything and receive nothing in return.

There is a fine line between using and abusing our trust. Wanting to please everyone is sentencing our happiness, so we must be careful not to make the mistake of giving in to everything because we feel blackmailed or morally obligated. We may feel a moral or solidarity obligation to help, but we really cannot take care of everything. And, on many occasions, this is what happens. We put on our backs tasks that do not belong to us. In some way, it is as if we were taking a friend’s exam.

Anyway, Not every time we feel this way we are being used. It’s just that others don’t react the way we would and that can make us desperate and increase this disposable tissue feeling. Therefore, it is important to know the person well. Some of our friends may have a very particular way of returning a favor and yet they do it from the heart.

In other words, the ideal is for us to be cautious, evaluate the situation carefully and be patient before concluding that we are being taken advantage of. That is, we must ensure that facts matter more than feelings.

Don’t let others make you into someone you are not.

Vampire people are only interested in their own benefit. When you discover them, distance your life plans from them and establish emotional limits that do not endanger your identity. Be clear that every link requires reciprocity, without turning it into a contract of “I give to you to the extent that you give me” .

Giving to receive does not require returning it in the same way, but it does ask for mutual willingness and pleasure. Both parties in the relationship must feel it and transmit it, because otherwise nobility is lost in our exchanges. Despite this, giving without expecting anything in return can sometimes also strengthen us and help us be supportive. Thus, it will be up to us to assess the situation and know whether or not it is appropriate to “lend our shoulder.”

Images courtesy of Nicoleta Ceccoli, Benjamin Lacombe, natalia_maroz