Low frustration tolerance, an emotional time bomb

Life is not perfect, and it is not controllable. It is full of situations and outcomes that are largely far from our expectations. It is part of our maturation process to learn to accept and manage this reality. However, when this is not achieved and we grow up with a low tolerance for frustration, we will face a lot of suffering.

When something does not happen the way we expected, we have two options: accept it and move on or get stuck in negativity and the role of victim.. In no case is changing what happened an option. So what do you decide? Rigidity brings discomfort, flexibility opportunities.

Frustration tolerance in childhood

During childhood we have not yet fully developed our cognitive abilities, which leads us to be impulsive and impatient. It is difficult for children to delay gratification, they want something and they want it as soon as possible. When their desires are denied, they may react with anger, crying, screaming and bad behavior.

Teaching children to tolerate frustration is one of the most complicated tasks in education, but it is completely necessary. It is not always possible to get what we want and this should not cause us suffering. When a child is denied nothing during childhood, he or she is deprived of the opportunity to develop this capacity.

Some parents, in their desire to protect their children from pain and disappointment, grant their children’s every request.. They give in and try to resolve, in advance, every need and desire of the child. So that he does not have to face any type of discomfort.

These are acts that start from good intention, from a loving thought: “he will have time to suffer when he grows up.” However, It is necessary to face frustration in childhood to learn to tolerate it. Otherwise, in adult life it will occur to a much greater degree and we will not have the necessary tools to cope with it.

How to work on low frustration tolerance?

Having grown up with overprotective parents marks our starting point, but it does not condemn us. At all times we can make the decision, as adults, to modify our attitude and work on our lacking areas. So, if you find it difficult to face adversity, if you perceive it as a huge injustice, if you feel great discomfort when your desires are not fulfilled, remember that you can change.

Stop wanting to control everything. Don’t try to predict every little event in your life., don’t try to control what happens. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty or change. Allow everything to take its course without getting attached to the outcome. The need for control does not give you the ability to modify what happens, but it deprives you of your peace of mind. Establish realistic expectations. It is naive to believe that we can get everything we want at any given moment, that we will never face adversity. Neither people nor events revolve around us and we must be mature enough to accept this fact. Thus, When generating your expectations, try to adopt a broader perspective, one that takes into account reality and not just your ideal of it. Be flexible. It is completely legal to have dreams and desires, to want them to come true and to work to achieve them. But also You have to understand that circumstances are changing and that it is necessary to know how to adapt to these changes. If the scenario changes, it is important that you are able to also modify your thoughts and actions. Don’t stay rigidly stuck in how you thought everything would happen, find an alternative in light of the new information that the environment offers you.

A question of trust

Finally, in the face of any adversity or setback, accept and trust. Low tolerance for frustration hides insecurity, the fear of not being able to face the negative that life gives us. Thus trust in yourself, in your ability to manage emotional discomfort and move forward. And trust, too, in the process. Maybe not everything is going as you expected, but maybe it is heading towards a much better direction. So, remember: accept what is, adapt to change and trust. You are not a victim, you have the power to decide how to react.

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