Long distance dating is possible! Learn how to face it and be happy

Being together, sharing a movie on the weekends, sleeping with each other every night, being able to arrange a dinner for two in the middle of the week. They seem like common activities for most dating parties. But there are those who can’t do it that way at the moment.

Long-distance relationships have a different dynamic. There are often hundreds of kilometers that separate the two people in love, which can scare some immediately, to the point that they would rather lose the one they love than face this challenge.

As scary as it can be, being in an appointment with someone who lives in another city, state, or even country can work. Even more so in an era of social networks and chat apps that make it easy for everyone to stay in touch.

For those who have never been through this and are faced with the dilemma of risking or not entering this type of relationship, it is important to understand how they can face this new situation. In addition, it is essential to know what the couple can do to lessen the feeling of distance and make it work. And, above all, be as happy as if they lived in the same place.

Are you going through this situation? So this post is for you, huh? The first thing you should think about is how to approach a long-distance relationship.

How to deal with long distance dating?

One of the first things that comes to mind for anyone who is faced with the chance of a long-distance relationship is: fear. Fear of not working out, of how he will face the situation, of not being able to bear the longing, of not knowing how to deal with this new dynamic, etc. There are so many fears that many people simply stop at this possibility.

The doctor in Clinical Psychology and couples therapist Adriana Nunes, points out that one of the main ones is related to jealousy. “Most people believe that physical closeness prevents cheating, which is not true. To overcome this type of fear, good communication is essential.”

And she’s not just talking about constantly chatting on WhatsApp. It’s actually having sincere, open and honest communication. “And when I speak of good communication, I mean that the members of the couple must be sincere both about important things (nature of the relationship, doubts, uncertainties, expectations, plans for the future…) and trivial matters (day to day). day, for example)”, explains the specialist.

This is a basic principle that should be present in all types of relationships, isn’t it? In fact, there are several things that these two modalities have in common, as Adriana explains: “Communication difficulties are inherent to any type of relationship, whether in person or at a distance. Lack of support, trust and a degree of commitment also appear frequently.”

But how to get around this? There is another fundamental issue for relationships in which the couple does not see each other constantly. “The important thing is to have complicity, closeness (even if only emotional), support and respect.”, says the therapist. In addition, trust is essential for those who choose such a commitment.

You must have noticed that many people view with disbelief the relationships in which one of the partners lives far away from the other, right? But what motivates this? According to Adriana Nunes, it is the myth that this type of commitment would not be so serious. Or even that it would facilitate betrayal due to lack of physical contact, which is not true.

“Another taboo is to think that distance makes partners idolize each other, failing to see the partner’s faults.”, also says the therapist. However, with socializing, even through virtual means and by telephone, they appear and it becomes possible to break this idealization, if it occurs.

An important detail is to understand that not all long-distance relationships are the same. Even because each appointment is unique, isn’t it? “It is very different for you to be dating someone in person and then this relationship becomes long-distance, than dating already starting at a distance or, in the most complex situation, for the members of the couple not to know each other in person.”, explains the couples therapist.

Therefore, there are no specific rules on the subject. The important thing is that, if you fell in love with someone who is far away now, and you decided to live that love, allow yourself to gradually discover how the dynamic between you will work so that it can work.

5 simple things that become important when dating long distance

That every relationship is unique is a fact. But there are important tips of what can be done and that can help you if you are in this situation. Here are 5 simple things that can make your long-distance relationship lighter and more enjoyable.

1. Communication

Communication is essential for those who are distant from each other. This is because as close contact is not possible, it is a form of approximation between you. Adriana Nunes suggests that they talk as much as possible throughout the day, obviously without interfering with their daily activities. “It can be quick WhatsApp messages, Skype or Facetime conversations, email, even handwritten letters (if you want to be romantic and for a change).”

However, this should be discussed between the couple and agreed in the best way, so that it does not interfere with the routine of either of you or that it can cause any discomfort that harms the routine.

But what to talk about? The therapist gives the tips: “Talk about all kinds of subjects, things that happened throughout the day (however trivial they may be), important matters, problems, fears. The important thing is to share. And get to know each other’s routines. This facilitates communication and also “being present”, even if from afar.”

2. Do activities together, even if physically apart

When we’re in a relationship, we like to share some activities with our partner, don’t we? So how about doing something similar, even if the distance? The therapist indicates some activities that can be done together: “watching the same television series, taking a photography or cooking course, playing the same sport, etc.”

In addition to bringing a sense of closeness, it can serve as a way to bring things together, as well as being an activity to do when you are together.

3. Get closer to the family

In addition to demonstrating the seriousness of the commitment, keeping in touch with the couple’s family, according to Adriana, will help in the event that one of the parties decides to move to another city to get closer to the other. Having the support of the partner’s family is essential for this change in your life.

4. Give gifts, even if the distance

Surprising is all good. And doing that when you’re in a long-distance relationship is critical. “It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, or have a significant date. Sometimes a simple card, flowers, book, or any other object that has meaning makes all the difference”, suggests Adriana.

This gesture, in addition to being a show of affection, helps you to be present in the person’s life.

5. Strive to be together

Even if they get used to the kilometers that separate them, being close is too good, isn’t it? So strive for it. Plan ahead to take advantage of holidays, keep an eye on airline tickets, take advantage of frequent flyer programs. The important thing is to kill the longing whenever possible!

Taking a long-distance relationship is entirely possible, even in the long run. However, it takes effort, commitment and love on both sides to make it work.

And therapist Adriana Nunes gives one last tip, super fundamental for those who are entering this dynamic for the first time: “When homesickness hits you, remember that sometimes it’s also good to have some time just for yourself, which you can enjoy as you wish. : hanging out with your friends or family, studying harder, working hard, picking up new hobbies, etc.”

So what are your fears and experiences with this type of relationship? Tell us in the comments! Share with us everything you think about it!