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Live as a couple, but each one in their own home

Can we maintain long-term romantic relationships without giving up preserving our privacy, our own personal development and avoiding the conflicts of coexistence? Today we talk about it

Until now The decision to live together in the same house was considered one of the definitive steps in the consolidation of a couple. Sharing space, routines and, sometimes, common goods was the turning point towards a consolidated relationship.

However, currently there is an increasing number of people who decide to prolong this decision, despite maintaining stable relationships. In some ways, this seems to indicate that a percentage of society is learning to enjoy living alonealthough it is true that others make this decision for other reasons.

It seems that a stable relationship is not incompatible with each person living their life fully without having to share space.

This situation is global in nature, at least in the West, And furthermore, it is not exclusive to a specific country or community. In fact, one study indicates that 35% of people who live alone have reported that they are in a stable romantic situation, but without cohabitation.

These data do not vary excessively between men and women, the latter being the most numerous by just 1%. Now, what does seem to be a crucial factor It is age, rather than gender. Thus, it seems that older people are less influenced by the social pressures of forming a partner and living with them.

Data by age

Research highlights that among people over 51 years of age who begin new romantic relationships, only 22% report that among their future plans is the idea of ​​sharing a house with their current partner. Most of them consider it important to maintain their lifestyle without affecting the quality of your new relationship.

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However, only half of the people who are between 31 and 40 years old today and who maintain stable romantic relationships are considering cohabitation in the next two years. On the other hand, At younger ages, not living together in the early stages of the relationship is considered a fundamental stepin addition to putting training and professional development before living together as a couple.

What are the reasons why you do not want to live as a couple?

This phenomenon seems to respond to several reasons. Thus, the fact of having previously lived with another couple is the factor that is most related to the probability of living as a couple, but each in their own home.

Experience shows that Living each in their own home makes the members of the couple feel freer in the relationship and with the ability to make friends outside of it. They also feel less pressured by conflicts over household chores and common financial matters.

People who decide to live as a couple, but each one in their own home, report that they feel comfortable preserving their privacy without giving up intimacy with their partners. Many of them consider that this is also a less traumatic way to get out of a relationship, if that were the case.

Long-lasting couples

The curious thing is that This new way of understanding relationships does not seem to reduce their quality or duration.. A high percentage of them are still together after 12 years of non-cohabiting relationship.

Perhaps the idea of ​​“having to find a partner” as one of the most pressing social requirements of past generations is being transformed. Everything seems to indicate that The way we understand romantic relationships today is changing in many aspects.

A new vision on relationships

This new vision of romantic relationships is still being consolidated. Nevertheless, Those who experience them claim that it provides a greater sense of freedom, both at the level of choice and opportunity for personal development, in contrast to conventional marriages.

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Still, the concept of a relationship, that is, how it is perceived and what characteristics it has, is subjective. Hence, many other people do not fully agree with this new vision. It all depends on the link and its participants.

Finally, will this be the way to understand romantic relationships in the future? Will living together in the same house be relegated to the desire to form and raise a family? Are we witnessing for the first time the clear difference between the desire to have a partner and to have a family?

This last question seemed not to be clearly separated from the first until now. Although the truth is that there are many people who want to have a long-term partner, without this entailing the creation of a family. Without a doubt, something very profound is changing in our society.

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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

Connidis, Ingrid & Borell, Klas & Karlsson, Sofie. (2017). Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in Later Life: A Critical Research Proposal. Journal of Marriage and Family. 79. 10.1111/jomf.12417.Kislev ,Elyakim (2019) Couple-ish: Living Alone, Having a Partner. A new study sheds light on the rising phenomenon of couples living apart. Psychology Today.Régnier-Loilier, Arnaud & Vignoli, Daniele. (2018). The diverse nature of living apart together relationships: an Italy–France comparison. Journal of Population Research. 10.1007/s12546-017-9197-0.Régnier-Loilier, A. (2019). Being together, living apart: A more frequent arrangement after a separation. Population Societies, (5), 1-4.Strohm, CQ, Seltzer, JA, Cochran, SD, & Mays, VM (2009). “Living apart together” relationships in the United States. Demographic research, 21, 177.

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