All about middle child syndrome

Middle child syndrome is for some little more than an urban legend; for others, an obvious reality. The truth is that growing up in a family where that intermediate position is assumed is not always easy. Frequently, the older brother symbolizes that figure on whom all positive reinforcement is placed, while the little one receives the pampering and care.

It was the psychotherapist Alfred Adler who introduced the theory of the middle brother, highlighting how these children perceive their position in the family constellation in a more complex way. According to Adler, they tend to feel somewhat neglected, more alone and develop a particular personality. What is true and what is false in this perspective? We analyze it below.

Middle child syndrome: definition and characteristics

Middle child syndrome refers to the experience of neglect that some children feel due to their birth order.. Some -supposedly- see with annoyance how their older and younger siblings take all the reinforcements and care.

Since Alfred Adler introduced this concept in his book Problems of Neurosis (1964), the topic did not fail to attract innumerable interest. It is also important to note that we are not dealing with any psychological condition or disorder registered in the DSM-V. On the other hand, although science has been investigating this topic for years, it does not always find strong support for the theory.

An example of this is a recent work published in Heliyon, where it was concluded that birth order does not have an impact on the way of relating within family dynamics. However, beyond the scientific literature, In everyday reality some people do identify with this perspective. Let’s review the factors and evidence in this regard.

Middle children show “a certain distance” from their parents

One of the first investigations into middle child syndrome was the one that appeared in 1998 in the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Society. This work highlighted that being the middle sibling could affect the parental bond. Something that was seen is how When seeking support, some prefer their own siblings rather than their parents.

Likewise, it was also evident that, on average, the emotional closeness they felt towards their mothers was not at the same level as their older and younger siblings; that of the latter was more significant. All of this could be summarized in the fact that birth order would affect attachment and interaction with one’s own parents.

However, it should be noted that this study has not been reviewed again and we do not have updated data.

Middle child syndrome profiles a different personality

Clinical psychology gives great relevance to parenting dynamics and the concept of attachment. Middle child syndrome defines the idea that these figures do not receive as much emotional attention as other siblings.. Therefore, if psychoaffective experiences are unequal, it is possible that this affects the child’s behavior and personality.

What traits and characteristics would define someone raised in a context with such dynamics? Look at the following:

Competitive and rebellious personality. The middle child grows up with the need to compete with his siblings for parental attention. This, sometimes, traces a more rebellious and skilled character in terms of competitive behavior.Good social skills. Often, the middle child’s attempt to approach adults for attention facilitates early development of assertiveness, good communication, and negotiation skills.The weight of jealousy and stress. This syndrome defends the idea that, in general, it is the older brother and the little one who are considered the “favorites” of the parents, encouraging experiences of jealousy and emotional suffering.They tend to take risks. The fact that parents pay more attention to the rest of the siblings makes the middle child feel freer to engage in risky behavior. This lack of supervision reinforces in them a more exploratory and risk-taking spirit.Independent and decisive. The journalist Katrin Schumann has a book titled The Secret Power of Middle Children (2011). In his work it is noted that growing up in a scenario where being the middle one means receiving less reinforcements, perhaps it is an advantage. These children may become more independent, decisive and creative.Perception of abandonment and loneliness. Growing up witnessing that the other siblings take almost all of the parents’ attention would leave the mark of these wounds. We have an example in the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine; their article argued that older siblings demonstrate more perfectionistic traits due to parental pressure.

Sensitivity to rejection in adulthood and insecure relationships

Sometimes, the middle child grows up in a somewhat complex territory, where they lack parental recognition and support. Thus, he develops witnessing that his other siblings receive greater amounts of affection, security and attention. If these dynamics are fulfilled, they will have their impact in adulthood.

A research published by International Online Journal of Educational Sciences emphasizes that that unequal education in which one does not feel fully loved leaves consequences. The most obvious characteristic is the constant fear of being rejected; They fear experiencing the same emotional experiences as in childhood and this anxiety will undoubtedly harm the quality of their interpersonal relationships.

In this way, from clinical psychology, we link this last reality to attachment theories. The University of Minnesota, for example, highlights how more vulnerable parenting lacking secure emotional attachment, increases the risk that romantic relationships in adulthood will be based on an anxious or insecure attachment.

How to prevent middle child syndrome?

At this point, perhaps more than one is still wondering if middle child syndrome is real. We insist that the scientific literature does not find conclusive data. In fact, the Dictionary of the American Psychological Association (APA) describes it as a hypothetical condition.

Despite this, it is a fact that discriminatory upbringing and education in terms of care and affection does sometimes lead to the appearance of certain effects such as those already described. Likewise, also It has been proven that birth order mediates dimensions such as intelligence.

In this regard, the magazine PNAS shared an article specifying that older siblings have higher scores on this factor. This could be associated with a greater number of reinforcements and attention from parents to said sibling.

Therefore, if we want our children to grow up happily, with the same potential and have the best opportunities, it is important not to neglect any of them and give them the same attention equally. Let’s look at some basic strategies below.

Equal attention and emotional reinforcements

Parents of large families are not always aware of these small inequalities in child care. It is true that little ones demand more care and that great hopes are placed on first-born children. Now, it is important to be careful, because middle children are the ones who feel most neglected.

Let us harbor the same dreams in all of them. Let us offer the same learning opportunities.Let’s provide emotional reinforcement and validation to all children equally.It is essential that we are interested in knowing what each of them are like, what they like, what their dreams are.Let us understand that each child is unique and that each sibling will have particular needs..

Let’s avoid comparisons

Let’s try not to compare brothers with each other. This practice tends to leave consequences and be the subject of subsequent resentment. If one of the children shows an advantage in one area, let’s not look down on the others. for not highlighting that particularity. Each brother will have his virtues.

Quality time with everyone equally

What happens in childhood builds the person one will be tomorrow. Thus, the time shared with children acts as those foundations that remain impregnated in emotional memory. Let’s try to spend quality time with the children, together and also separately.

Let’s keep in mind the middle child syndrome

It doesn’t matter that for some it is a myth. It is evident that, sometimes, middle siblings are perceived as those invisible children on their parents’ emotional radar. Let’s keep it in mind every day and try to blur that perception, suffocate it and prevent the child from developing such a sensation.

Love helps prevent middle child syndrome from germinating

Attention, presence and emotional reinforcement will deactivate the middle child syndrome. While no one can deny that the journey of parenting and education is a challenge, let us remember that beyond food, clothing and gifts, what they need most is our love.

Without a doubt, loving them is the best nutrient so that this dimension described does not germinate in any small way and drag its tail in the future.

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