I bet most of us have been in a bad relationship. Or at least had a bad experience.

From my own experience, I spent three years with a guy who seemed to be nice but deep down I realized it was a totally abusive relationship. It was a very typical and clichéd first love story. He was handsome, sensual and very romantic.

He wrote songs for me – for God’s sake! (As an adult, this memory makes me want to throw up, but at the time it was the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced.)

As a shy and insecure girl, I was flattered by the attention he gave me.

kidnapped by love

Why did I react like this? Simple. I was in love. My brain had been “hijacked” by him.

As an adult (supposedly), I see that this “kidnapping” happens all the time with young people and teenagers. They often stay with someone out of habit or fear and accept bad treatment because they believe it’s the price of love. That’s what the media leads us to believe. And it’s wrong!

He was in a band, liked poetry and surprised me with spontaneous outings and gifts. At 16, I thought he would become a famous rock star, and we proceeded to party on a tour bus, with me wearing a 70s-style fur coat and flowers in my hair. (Yes, I was and still am a huge fan of “Almost Famous”)

I’d never been in love before, and the toxic effects were more addictive than any drug. We were obsessed with each other. I thought we would be together forever. This was the image I held on to and focused on when things got bad.

Read Also: “Do I Really Love My Girlfriend?” 7 YES (and 7 NO!)

I made endless excuses for him. When he didn’t call me for days, it was because he “valued his independence.”

When he first tricked me, I tried to cut him out of my life. I changed my haircut and moved on with my life.

Sadly, the reality is that I was heartbroken, truly broken, and took him back after 1 week apart. Bad romance, drastic and sarcastic.

Typing here on my computer, I can’t advise you if the relationship you are in is good, mediocre or toxic. However, I can suggest you a few things:

Do your friends and family not like him/her? Do the people closest to you always show concern when they see you with them? They may not always be right about things, but their concerns are worth considering.
Do you spend more than 50% of your time worrying about your relationship? Worrying, overthinking, losing sleep, or crying are often not signs of a healthy relationship.
Do you not trust your partner when he is not around you? Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Is your partner physically or emotionally abusive? If you didn’t know the answer to this question or you’re not sure you’re in an abusive relationship, it’s a sign that you need to seek help!

SEE TOO:

How to cheat on your girlfriend in simple steps

Going out

The end of my story was very good and positive. Nothing dramatic happened. It was a quick moment like replacing a burnt-out light bulb with a new one.

I saw what one of my friends’ relationship was like and I suddenly realized how different it was from mine. She was respected and treated with affection and care. That was something I deserved too, but probably wouldn’t get from my then-boyfriend.

Read Also: How to Reinvent Yourself and Start a New Chapter of Your Life

I will not say that the separation was easy, in the same way that cutting off a limb is not easy. There were tears, moments of doubt, and a deep fear of never meeting anyone again.

But I did. And looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

How to heal the pain of a breakup?

1. Block your phone number

Or simply when he/she calls, don’t answer the phone. If you worry about losing self-control, then give your phone to a trusted friend or family member. This worked perfectly for me.

2. Travel for a few days

Go to the house of distant friends or family and spend a few days/weeks there. You will need support during this initial phase.

3. Allow yourself to cry and feel sad

Always remember this: You are not weak, you are human! Buy plenty of chocolate, soda, and popcorn and create a Netflix account (if you don’t already have one). Cliche, I know, but it helps.

4. Make a list

Write down all the rational reasons why you shouldn’t be together and put it in a place where you’ll see it regularly.

5. Keep yourself distracted

I redecorated my entire room when I broke up with my boyfriend. Keeping my brain distracted and my hands busy (as well as refreshing my environment) was very beneficial.

Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t treat you with love and respect. Be smart, be brave and be kind to yourself.