Irascible people: anger as a form of communication

Irascible people are addicted to constant anger. Banging on the table, slamming doors, shouting and even tantrums… They are those profiles that do not know how to communicate without raising their voices, those who lose their temper at the slightest chance and who cannot be contradicted. Thus, behind this difficult behavior often hides a weak being that uses anger as a defense mechanism.

We have all lost our cool at some point. We know what it feels like when anger grips us and, almost without knowing how, we explode in the most inopportune and least skillful way. Now, the striking thing about these experiences is that they offer us good lessons, we learn the hard way how important an assertive attitude is to handle those complicated situations where our emotional maturity is tested.

On the other hand, there is a crucial aspect that is important to consider. Anger continues to be that little or no understood emotion today. We could say at this very moment that irascible people are those presences that are most worth avoiding in our daily lives to safeguard balance and health.

However, nothing is more relevant than understanding. Let’s make good use of psychology and allow ourselves to understand that Behind that angry child, that bitter family member and that boss without resistance to frustration, there is someone who does not know how to use another type of language.. Someone who is fighting against himself and who doesn’t know what to do or where all that explosive rage and poisoned negativity comes from.

Irascible people: why do they act this way?

The French have a very apt word for those passive-aggressive behaviors, for those people who make anger their form of communication. They use the expression “sous-entendu”, which would mean something like “what is understood below or what is underneath.” What is there then under that wolf’s skin that makes use of such devastating emotional intensity? The answer couldn’t be simpler: there is another wolf, but it is a wounded wolf.

Let’s look at some of those characteristics that could explain this type of dynamics in irascible people.

There is excessive anguish. People who react with anger usually store an overflowing supply of anguish. They are those profiles that, even as children, were alarmed by nothing, who reacted to any stimulus with intense fear and alarm. Thus, and upon reaching maturity, that persistent concern about what is beyond their control or the unexpected translates into rage. That emotion is nothing more than an excessive defense mechanism with which to react to everything and everyone.Anger as a response to all negative emotions. This personality profile does not know how to recognize if what it feels is sadness, disappointment, fear, concern, surprise or shame. All of these emotions will be understood and translated in the same way: with anger.Anger is a cumulative problem. When there is an emotion that is not channeled, understood and managed, it accumulates. Furthermore, irascible people carry with them a history of frustrations stored up for decades. In this way, the most insignificant acts act as triggers for all that torrent of anger contained within. Anger and paranoia. This relationship is as problematic as it is remarkable. Irascible people are made of anguish, convulsive emotions that are not understood and a more than remarkable amount of rage. All this deep architecture builds in many cases the appearance of paranoid behavior. Everything is a threat to them, they distrust, they think that others are there to harm them, to ridicule them. They are very exhausting situations.

How to learn to manage anger?

Irascible people do not have a good quality of life. It is an aspect that from a clinical point of view cannot and should not be left aside. Likewise, as several studies revealthis type of personality is more prone to suffer heart problems, strokes, respiratory problems, low defenses… Anger makes you sick and anger also establishes unbridgeable distances with the people we love.

So, A common fact of this type of profile is that they apply what is known as displaced anger. They may be angry with something or someone, however, they end up projecting all their negative energy onto those who least deserve it: children, partner… It is therefore a priority to give resources and strategies to these people so that they understand that anger is not an adequate channel of communication, it is assertiveness that will allow you to survive much better in any scenario.

Let’s now look at some simple strategies to reflect on, and that can help us manage this emotion much better.

We must understand what anger is and what its purpose is ⇔ It is, in essence, a response that our brain emits to attack or flee from danger. It is a purely biological and physiological manifestation.The second step is to learn to identify your own emotions and understand what motivates them ⇔ What I feel is sadness? What has motivated you? If what I experience is shame, what caused it?Breathing techniques. One way to channel the anger and rage that blocks our body and mind is to learn to relax, to breathe, to concentrate on those tense muscles and racing heart to calm them down. Only in this way will we allow ourselves to think better and react more appropriately. Replace anger with assertiveness. Another essential goal for irascible people is that they learn to relate assertively, They must displace the use of anger as a form of language to make assertive communication their best tool.

To conclude, I would like to point out just one last aspect. Sometimes, The irascible person not only uses verbal violence, often physical violence becomes recurrent. Therefore, let us not hesitate to intervene in these cases, taking measures to protect us if we are victims of this profile and action measures if we are the ones who lead to these dynamics.

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