Idealizing your partner: what are the consequences?

The idealization of the partner intensifies the emotional impact that their actions have on the person who constructs that idealization. We are talking about a polarized thinking scheme that covers up the errors of others, carrying out a cognitive treatment on them and ensuring that they do not precisely influence this idealized representation.

The idealization of the couple is the most representative form of thought of the classic phrase “love is blind.” On the other hand, although related, admiration – amazement and recognition of the virtues of another – is not the same as idealization. In the latter, self-esteem is compromised and the person voluntarily places themselves in a position of inferiority.

In this space, we will review the consequences of establishing this type of relationship with someone you love. Don’t miss anything, because it never hurts to be clear about these ideas, both to free yourself from them and to prevent them.

What is idealization?

Idealization is a distorted perception of virtues and defects, in which the former are elevated to the highest category and the latter are non-existent.. Sometimes it is confused with falling in love. At the beginning of a relationship in the phase popularly known as the “honeymoon,” it is easy to idealize the person you just started dating. You still don’t know each other deeply and you haven’t had serious conflicts to overcome, so everything seems perfect.

However, Idealization transcends falling in love. The latter passes over time, giving rise to a more mature and stable love, while idealizing someone is a mental state that only leads to suffering. Let’s see the consequences it entails.

In idealization, errors and defects are minimized and virtues are maximized.

What happens when you idealize your partner?

Being in a relationship with someone who seems perfect to us and for whom we would gladly lose our lives may seem like something out of a fairy tale, but the truth is that it causes a great imbalance in the couple. This is what happens when you idealize your partner.

1. Your self-esteem drops

Believing that your partner is a being of incorruptible light will place the idea you have of yourself in second place. At some point, you will make mistakes, you will detect differences with your partner, but from the perspective that you are second class.

This has a very negative impact on self-esteem. At other times, it is one’s own lack of self-love that leads to the illusion that others are worth more than oneself.

2. You tend to be emotionally dependent

This psychological pattern includes the need for evaluation by the partner, putting the other’s needs above one’s own, the fear of disappointing or angering him or her, or avoiding giving one’s own opinions or ideas. It is very likely that you 100% prioritize the time you spend with your partner versus what you could be dedicating to your friends and family.

All this is summarized in the idea that you cannot live without the other, so Constantly giving in to their needs and desires seems to be the only way to avoid being abandoned.. As you can imagine, this idea wreaks havoc with one’s own autonomy and, contrary to what is imagined within it, also with one’s partner.

3. Your thinking becomes dichotomous

Your partner is perfect, the rest of the world is not. What your partner does is right, what you do is not. It is not that these phrases are literally presented in the head of someone who is idealizing her partner, but that They become unconscious ideas on which behavior is based.

Since it is an extremist way of thinking, it is normal that opinions, evaluations and ideas about the relationship and about yourself also begin to be in black and white, but never in gray. This categorical thinking will prevent you from processing reality adequately, since it is difficult to admit exceptions, ugly details and contradictions in your partner’s behavior.

When we idealize others, we believe that everything they do is good, while what we do is not so good.

It is possible to avoid what happens when you idealize your partner

The truth is that this type of attitude towards a person ends up being so ingrained that it is difficult to remove it from the equation.. Furthermore, the spiral of emotions, the couple dynamics and the hierarchy of powers established on this basis of idealization will have created a solid framework in the form of a toxic relationship.

However, it is always possible to get out of it. It is very likely that the intervention of a psychology professional will be necessary, since not only will it be necessary to work on the relationship, but also on self-esteem, problem-solving strategies and the person’s own beliefs about love. . Therefore, if this is your case or you have one nearby, remember that no one gets out of the spiral of dependency alone.

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