5 emotional traces in children of alcoholic parents

Alcoholic parents leave many traces on their children’s minds. The specifics of each case must always be observed, because the effects depend on the severity of the addiction and its manifestations, the age of the children, the position of the mother and the rest of the family and multiple other factors.

However, there are common patterns in children of alcoholic parents and what varies is their intensity. These kids almost always grow up in an environment where chaos predominates. His way of being and seeing the world is permeated by his experiences with his parents’ alcoholism and all this leaves a mark on his way of relating to emotions.

Those prints are difficult to detect, both for alcoholic parents and their children. They settle underground in the personality and often translate into apparently positive attitudes.

However, deep down, there is an open wound that sooner or later must be attended to and healed. These are 5 of those emotional imprints that remain in the hearts of children of alcoholic parents.

1. Children of alcoholic parents do not know what normal behavior is

adult. The alcoholic is unpredictable: today he can be a very loving father and tomorrow he becomes a strange being

Consequently, Children of alcoholic parents have difficulty understanding what normal behavior is, that is, non-pathological behavior. For this reason, they have poor criteria for defining what they can afford to do and what they cannot. They doubt all the time.

2. They find it difficult to see a project through to the end

Children of alcoholic parents are labile. Their life has developed in the midst of deep uncertainties: they never know how their parents will be today. Therefore, they never know what to expect from the family, the world, or themselves. Everything can change from one moment to the next.

This instability, anxious and unhealthy, increases the probability of becoming an unstable person. They find it difficult to make an effort to complete their projects: after all, they have already used a lot of their psychological energy trying to understand and cope with the extreme uncertainty that exists in their lives.

3. They judge each other mercilessly and have difficulty having fun

The son of an alcoholic father carries a diffuse feeling of guilt in his heart and a feeling of inability that cannot be defined. The guilt arises from the fact that he does not know to what extent his father’s alcoholism is his responsibility. He wonders: should he do, or have done, something about it?

The feeling of inability arises from that same question. Deep down, I would like to do or have done something to change the situation. But he has never known how he could contribute. So this becomes a tone-deaf self-reproach. Likewise, they see fun with a certain halo of danger: is his father having fun or not when he is having an alcoholic crisis?

4. They are loyal, even if there is no merit to it

Children of alcoholic parents experience a pathological feeling of loyalty. They have seen their father in a state of decline and that causes them pain, but also fear. Many times they are asked or even required not to discuss these family situations with anyone.

Therefore, many of them grow up thinking that blind loyalty is a value they must uphold, regardless of the circumstances. They feel like they have to endure whatever it takes when they are involved with someone they love. They also believe that others should do the same for them.

5. They overreact and impulsively

The changes are a threat to the children of alcoholic parents. They have been in a constant swing all their lives that they never know where it will take them. Therefore, if they manage to achieve some stability they will defend it obsessively. They feel that with the changes will come the chaos they fear so much.

At the same time, They develop little control over their emotions. Deep down they think that we all have a license to give free rein to any impulse: isn’t that what you saw so many times at home?

For that very reason They have a hard time internalizing more focused and rational behaviors. In all cases, when the imprint is deep, children of alcoholic parents should receive professional psychological treatment.

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Images Ellen Mijjail, Clark Melhbourn