I tried to ruin my daughter’s relationship

Because I suffered a lot when I moved from the interior of Minas Gerais to São Paulo with my children, I ended up becoming an overprotective and controlling mother, to the point of meddling in the love life of my daughter, Nalva. She was 21 when she introduced me to Fábio, her new boyfriend. I felt entitled to weigh in on her choices and disrupt her relationships. Thank God I was able to remedy my mistake in time.

>> I judged Fábio for prejudice
I started to interfere in Nalva’s love life when she announced the end of her relationship with a family friend. I felt immense sadness and thought that my daughter had made a serious mistake. A short time later, I received at my door a young man with long hair and poorly dressed. He asked about Nalva and introduced himself: “I’m Fábio, your daughter’s boyfriend”. I didn’t like him. I imagined a successful life for my girl, but not with that boy!

Nalva said that Fábio was a musician and had many plans. But nothing moved me. And the comparison was inevitable: “Did you leave a great person, with good financial conditions, to date a long-haired man who doesn’t want anything out of life?”. Because of that, she lived with Fábio in fits and starts.
>> My brother opened my eyes
It all got worse when they announced the wedding at a barbecue at my house. I lost my ground. It looked like someone had died. I only woke up to life months later, with a shake from my younger brother. When Nalva was about to get married, he said: “Why do you look like that? Is it for Nalva’s wedding? She is doing the right thing. You have to marry who you like. Who said Fábio is not a good catch? Be more generous”.

This conversation really got me thinking. I saw how selfish I was being. I was convinced, then, that Nalva would do whatever she wanted, with or without my permission. It was my turn to support her. I wanted to see my daughter happy!

>> He proved me wrong
My son-in-law and daughter got married and together they grew up in life. The two graduated in psychology and got good jobs. They also saved up and bought a nice apartment. And they gave me two beautiful grandchildren as a gift! Today, I see clearly that Fábio is a good and responsible man. I also realized that no mother can interfere in her children’s lives and decisions. The positive side of this story is that I saw my slip up in time to celebrate my daughter’s wedding, with no regrets. Seeing her as a bride was one of my greatest joys! And Fábio, by the way, became a friend for all hours.

From the newsroom: See expert Denise Diniz’s tips for getting along well with her mother-in-law

1. Beware of expectations that are too high: people aren’t all good or all bad. The same goes for mothers-in-law.

two. If you feel that you have not been well received, do not criticize the mother-in-law or fight with your partner. Keep a low profile.

3. Do not interfere with the relationship between mother and child: let them work out their differences. And never ask your partner to stay away from his mother.

4. Remember: your mother-in-law may not be your friend, but she can be a good grandmother. These are important exchanges for social coexistence. Seek that balance.

5. If nothing works, it’s best to walk away without a fight. Over time, you and your mother-in-law can establish a healthy relationship.