I reserve the right to embrace my demons

I reserve the right to be sad, to feel bad because it is not fair or because something is not right. I reserve it because the opposite puts pressure on me and depresses me. Those are my demons and I have to say that they are really not that evil.

They ask me to understand them and tell me that what I feel is life and that the world is the paradise that I want to create. That’s why today I hug you and listen to you, I limit myself to being me, to feeling in the worldto understand that suffering is as important a part of life as well-being.

“Love entails suffering because you can lose it, but denying love to avoid suffering does not solve it, since you suffer for not having it. So, if happiness is love, and love is suffering, then, I say, happiness is also suffering.”

Sonia, in Love and Death, by Woody Allen.

You and I have demons

Imagine that there is someone who tells you that you can be sad, that it is normal for you to be sad.

The fact is that, in our world today, it seems that we have an obligation to feel good and avoid suffering. They sell it to us as something abnormal, negative and apart from any life that we can understand as full.

In fact, it seems that feeling bad and believing yourself mentally healthy or suffering and living life do not make good cultural couples. In the same way, If someone thinks to say ““I feel bad but I’m fine.” you look at him strangely and trying to discern what its peculiarity is.

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An optimism that is not

We have fallen into the trap of demanding excessive optimism in our lives. We have ignored that we should not learn the lesson without questioning it. Now, we pay the consequences of assuming that Not suffering is an increasing value for the account of life and the correct thing is to move our millions to avoid complications and then “have life.”

My demons and yours are fighting the barrage of positive phrases and motivational posters that force them to take shelter, to hide behind a paper wall and feed on repression.

The sad and the negative need their space in our lives because, otherwise, they will explode and drown us. The thing is that we no longer have the right to even frown when something bothers us, it’s better to give in to the tyranny and dictatorship of excessive optimism.

I don’t want to be forced to always be happy, because my sadness is the only thing that makes me value happiness and joy and because it tells me that something is not right and that I should worry. Because if I never felt sad, I wouldn’t know how to appreciate what it’s like to not be sad.

In that sense, joy is more selfish and makes me think that everything is fine, shortening the time I have to react if it really isn’t.

I also don’t want to be a pessimistic or melancholic person. Nor do I want you to strike me down by calling my demons depressive, because The only thing I’m doing is living accepting that my days have many nuances, as many as my circumstances.

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I choose my demons

So Defending my demons gives me two alternatives: accept myself or reject myself. If I accept that they exist, they will not make me suffer by trying to avoid them and frustrating me because they always find me and hug me tighter each time, leaving me breathless. Now that’s bad.

That’s why I prefer to continue giving way to them and inviting them to clarify my mind from time to time. They are sincere when I let them in and tell me that it is worth fighting because it is worth being happy.

“You have to feel good to be happy”I prefer to understand that sadness and joy coexist and need each other.“live thinking that I will feel good even though sometimes I feel bad”limit

Because before the supermarket of reasoning and recipes for almost everything, my demons scream at me until they make my soul hurt thinking that I will never achieve fulfillment because I don’t know how to live in the moment or I don’t feel like smiling from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed.

That’s just why I reserve the right to use my sadness whenever I please, because my demons refuse to fall into the trap that makes them gain weight, because my demons love me and do not seek to harm me, only to hug me from time to time without me resisting to remind me that I am alive.