I need to talk to someone

“I need to talk to someone”. We have all, at some point, felt that need. They are situations in which certain dimensions surpass us, extreme moments in which emotions become entangled, clouding the mind, turning off perspectives and making it difficult to even breathe. Fear, anxiety, sadness… where to start?

If there is something more important than clarifying where to begin to vent the tangle of those thoughts and sensations, it is knowing who to do it with. Because not everyone is worth it. Because not everyone is willing.

Even more so, sometimes We can even make mistakes when seeking support from our close ones: partner, friends, family… It only takes one misplaced word or advice that we don’t need to further aggravate the problem and worsen the fractured state of mind.

Venting, revealing something specific, seeking support… Not everyone is suitable or competent for such a task. Because, in reality, we are looking for something more than talking or communicating, we want mirror people in whom we can see ourselves without being judged.

We want refuge people to go to and stop feeling anguish. We also need medicine people, those who heal with their gaze and presence…

I need to talk to someone: why, with whom and how

Nothing defines the human being as much as his ability to communicate. However, although we all use language skills reliably and effectively, the same does not happen with emotional communication. In this regard, it is common for problems to arise. It is difficult for us, there is reluctance and what is most common: We have not been educated to talk about what hurts and worries.

Studies such as the one carried out at Purdue University (United States) by Dr. Brant R. Burleson indicate how important it is for all of us to have the emotional support of our closest relationships. Now, it is important to be clear about one nuance: Having good “emotional support” is not always synonymous with being able to “speak authentically” with that someone.

To understand it better we will give an example. We can count on the closeness and emotional support of our partner or even our mother. However, when we need to talk to someone, those figures may not be the right ones. Well, because things have happened to us that we don’t want those people to know or, simply, because Even though they love us a lot, they are not the most suitable figures when it comes to letting out certain things. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Why is it necessary to talk to someone when we are having a bad time?

Either because something has happened to us, or because we feel on edge, overwhelmed, stressed, worried… Human beings need, sometimes, to leave out what is inside.. Thus, something as basic, but powerful as talking and communicating emotions is always the best strategy for these reasons:

You feel like you’re finally “doing something”. Talking is an active mechanism and therefore you are already achieving something positive and healthy for yourself. It is a change and all change is good. When talking to someone you are not only offering information and venting what you feel. When communicating you also listen to yourself and that exercise acts as a mirror and allows you to discover yourself. When we put thoughts, feelings and emotions out loud we realize that, in some way, things are not as terrible as we thought. Silence encapsulates us and usually aggravates what we feel; When we speak, tensions fall and we see a little more light.

Who to do it with?

When I need to talk to someone, not everyone is useful to me. This is something that we must be clear about from the beginning. Sometimes, no matter how much a person loves us, they may not be the right one for various reasons.. Let’s analyze them in detail.

When talking to someone about what hurts and worries, We need a person who respects privacy. The last thing that should happen is that what we tell them is shared with a third party. We need someone who knows how to listen and be present. Nothing else. The last thing the other party should do is give us his or her opinion, refute what we say, talk about what he or she would do in our situation. That person It must be someone who does not judge us, who does not question or criticize what we say. If this happens, we can come out very badly. Likewise, it is necessary that this figure has those traits that greatly facilitate emotional communication: empathy, closeness, active listening, sensitivity, humanity…

Sometimes a friend can help us. However, other times, The most suitable figure when I need to talk to someone is a psychologist. Not only does it have these characteristics, it also has the tools to help us deal with this problem.

I need to talk to someone: where do I start?

“When I need to talk to someone I don’t always know where to start. My head is full of sensations, thoughts and emotions. Plus, I feel exhausted. It is that long-standing tiredness that makes my mind even more disordered… Therefore, I don’t always know how to start talking.”

This is, without a doubt, the most common state of those people who go to therapy for the first time or who simply decide to open up to a close person. In all cases, it is appropriate to have some simple strategies that can help us.

Explain how you feel in the present moment, here and now. Release what comes to your mind at this very moment and what you feel inside. Don’t be ashamed if your voice trembles. Don’t worry if the tears come, let them go. Speak without fear, you are in a safe place and showing emotions is healthy and necessary. You’ll feel better.Explain how long you have been feeling this way.Try to find the origin and talk about it. Clarify it.Be honest, resorting to half-truths or covering up something will not help you. If you need to talk to someone it is because it is time to release what is inside you. Drop all barriers. Try to use the personal pronoun “I” at all times. It will allow you to channel emotions (I feel, I fear, I believe…)Look into the eyes of your interlocutor. The closeness and warmth of the other person will guide you with affection so that you can speak comfortably.

To conclude, most of us will go through some moment in our lives when we feel the need to talk to someone. Let’s choose well. Let us also not forget that, In these situations, the most suitable are always psychology professionals.

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