My partner doesn’t show me affection, what’s happening?

For a relationship to be successful, it is not only necessary that the two people love each other, but also that that love be clearly communicated; or, rather, that it be perceived.

Many people claim to adore their romantic partner and feel very happy and satisfied with their relationship, and yet, the other party does not feel supported or valued in the relationship. Thus, if I feel that my partner is not showing me affection, it is important that I analyze what is happening.

In reality, it is a complex situation in which a multitude of variables can influence. The most common thing is to think that love has ended, that we have done something wrong or that our partner has someone else. However, It may be a communication problem or a personal situation that interferes with the bond.. Let’s see the main explanations below.

Why doesn’t my partner show affection to me?

There are many reasons why someone may feel that their partner does not show them affection. Maybe you miss more physical contact, greater commitment, or a sweeter, more empathetic attitude.

In reality, the expectations that each of us have are different and therefore our perceptions are also different. Even so, that feeling is probably due to one of the following reasons.

Behind the lack of affection there is usually ineffective communication.

1. Different love languages

This is a key point that we must always ask ourselves before starting to think the worst. And it is that Each human being has a different way of expressing affectionand this does not always coincide with that of your partner.

There are those who offer and need hugs and kisses, and others who are more fulfilled by the company and quality time shared. For some people, gifts are synonymous with affection, and for others they are those small gestures and everyday favors that the partner does for us without asking.

If I feel like my partner isn’t showing me affection, maybe he’s just doing it in a different language than mine. So, learn to identify and value your own way of showing it It can be an excellent first step.

2. Attachment and bonding styles

The way and degree in which we offer affection depends a lot on our past experiences, both with our parents and with friends, colleagues and previous partners. Everything we experience shapes us, but the attachment bond that we establish in childhood and that we repeat and perpetuate in adult relationships is especially crucial.

If your partner exhibits an avoidant attachment style, it will probably be difficult for them to openly express their affection. and she may seem shy and cold at times. This is due to a fear of being vulnerable and emotionally dependent on another human being, but it does not mean that love does not exist.

On the other hand, the difficulties increase if you yourself have an anxious attachment style. In this case, You probably need constant confirmation of that affection and that you tend to feel insecure at every slightest change in your partner’s attitude. So, perhaps it’s not that he doesn’t show you affection, but that your childhood lack makes you feel like you’re never enough.

3. Objectives and expectations

Managing realistic and adjusted expectations in the couple is essential to avoid suffering and frustration. And often, when we feel that the other does not love us, it is because We have not made it clear what each person expects from the relationship.. Perhaps one of the two is more involved than the other, seeks a greater commitment or needs to take certain steps in the relationship that the other does not want to take.

This does not mean that this person does not feel love, but that follows a different rhythm and has a different perception and projection of the relationship. Thus, clarifying individual objectives and sharing them is important to avoid misunderstandings.

4. Stress and personal circumstances

We are all human and it is inevitable that what happens to us in certain areas of our lives ends up affecting the rest. So, if we are experiencing work stress, family problems or difficulties of any kind on a personal levelour relationship will probably be affected.

This is especially true for uncommunicative people, who Instead of sharing their concerns with their romantic partner, they choose to isolate themselves and lock themselves in. This lack of dialogue can lead the other to think that this change in mood is due to a lack of love or a problem in the relationship when, certainly, this is not the case.

5. Difficulties in the couple

We cannot ignore the fact that, sometimes, when the other person does not show affection it is because they really do not feel that way anymore. Frequently, routine, daily obligations and the passage of years deteriorate ties, they cause the members of the couple to take the relationship for granted and stop cultivating it; Thus, the flame goes out and complicity turns into emotional distance.

It is evident that, in this situation, displays of affection will be less. But maybe this is the sign that indicates that link needs to be reworkedand not necessarily that it should come to an end.

6. Lack of assertiveness

Lastly, it is possible that the lack of affection is a consequence of an unexpressed desire to end the relationship. Ending a relationship is not easy and some people, out of fear of conflict, not wanting to harm the other or not finding the appropriate time to communicate, choose to adopt passive-aggressive attitudes such as coldness and progressive indifference. In this way, they hope that the other person will realize what is happening and end the relationship for them.

Trying to get your partner to understand how we feel and what we want tends to complicate coexistence.

If my partner doesn’t show me affection, I have to take charge

As you can see, the cases can be very varied and the causes very diverse. It is not possible to offer a single valid explanation for all situations. However, Whatever the underlying reason, it is important not to let it go.

Feeling unloved, undervalued, rejected or misunderstood within a couple is extremely painful, exhausting and damaging. Therefore, it is essential establish open and honest communication, ask the uncomfortable questions, be willing to listen to the answers and make changes. These can involve modifying one’s own attitudes, negotiating and reaching agreements or even dissolving the relationship.

Carrying out this process is not easy; therefore, rTurning to professional help can be an excellent alternative to analyze the situation and be able to take appropriate measures.

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