I don’t love myself, what can I do?

Too often we hear people claim that they don’t love each other. “I don’t love myself, what can I do?”, they wonder. Surrounded by emotionally convulsive demands, it is not difficult to fall into personal discredit. Unattainable goals can frustrate us as people. The obsession with achieving unreal perfection leads us on an emotional roller coaster that can be fatal.

However, all is not lost. It is possible to love yourself. In reality, it is simpler than it seems, at least in theory. Practice is something else. If we want to love ourselves we have to start walking, and this is where many people, directly, do not take the first steps. We look for a miraculous change overnight, trying to minimize the investment of resources as much as possible. This thought is a small mistake because any directed change requires effort, even loving yourself. Ready to start loving each other?

Do I have low self-esteem?

Campos and Muñóz (1992) developed a list of characteristics of people with low self-esteem. Some of them stand out here:

They find it difficult to make decisions. Exaggerated fear of making mistakes. They think that they can’t, that they don’t know anything.They don’t value their talent.Fear of the new and risk avoidance.They show anxiety.Passivity and avoidance of decision making. They usually prefer to be alone than with people. They give up before doing any activity. They think they are not doing anything right.They don’t know their emotions.It is difficult for them to accept criticism. They show pessimism. It is difficult for them to achieve their goals. Etc.

These are just some of the characteristics that Campos and Muñoz highlight with respect to people with low self-esteem. The fact that we feel identified with some point is not synonymous with having poor self-esteem. The key lies in time. We can all have a bad streak. How many points do we identify with? How long have we been stuck in those thoughts?

Why don’t I love myself?

The answer to the question that heads this section is not simple. Even from psychology there is no resounding answer either. Each of us has been shaped and directed by internal and external factors. We all have a particular learning history that has marked us. As the philosopher Ortega y Gasset said: “I am myself and my circumstance.” And he was right, because despite having our internal motivations and our way of being, circumstances also influence us.

Not loving yourself can involve a multitude of very diverse aspects. It can be expressed differently, but the substance is almost the same. Some people smoke and drink alcohol. Could it be considered not loving yourself? Affirmative. It’s simple. They are behaviors that are harmful to the body and mind. That being the case, why do we carry them out if we know that they negatively harm us? We seek to fill a void, something external that makes us happy even though it harms us..

From a young age we are taught mathematics, geography, history, language, but what about emotional intelligence? On a general level, learning to love ourselves is a pending subject. Developing our emotional intelligence is a good idea to start a good diet for self-love. Thus We will learn to manage our emotions and feelings, looking inward and identifying where what torments us comes from.

Empathy

What does empathy have to do with all this? It’s fundamental. When we love ourselves little and carry out behaviors that harm us, we are not feeling empathy for ourselves. He “I don’t love myself” is related to the “I self destruct“. If we close our eyes and see ourselves in five years, what would we like our lives to be like? Would we like to be healthy? Sick? When, despite wanting to be well, we continue to maintain harmful behaviors, this shows our little or no empathy for ourselves.

We don’t feel empathy for our future selves, so we don’t take care of our present. It is not strange that people, as time goes by, regret not having taken better care of themselves, both physically and emotionally. “I should have exercised more”, “I should not have smoked so much”, “I should have gone to a psychologist years ago”…Who has not heard these phrases at some point?

A meditative exercise consists of imagining ourselves sitting in front of ourselves in a period of one year, five years, ten years, etc. Lama Rinchen, a Buddhist teacher, teaches this type of meditation to his students. The objective is to develop empathy towards oneself and begin to correct those behaviors and thoughts that harm us. If in five years we see ourselves being healthy, what better way than to start the change today?

look ahead

It is time to begin to banish from our affirmations the “I don’t love myself”. It is a belief that is the result of learning, so we can also learn to love ourselves.. However, those who do not love themselves believe that this is the case and that they have no reason to stop doing so. The answer is that we have many reasons to love ourselves and banish the disabling conclusion of “I don’t love myself”.

The path, many times, does not have to be easy, but we can reap good fruits if, little by little, we sow new and good seeds of happiness. Going to a professional can be an important step that makes a difference. A psychologist can help us in this adventure. Meditation can also help us delve deeper into our thoughts most embedded in the unconscious. The same, Through meditation, we can also foster qualities such as love for ourselves and others..

Starting an adventure whose objective is to love, accept and forgive yourself is an adventure that will be marked by ups and downs. But, without a doubt, it is the best adventure we can live.

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