7 types of family beliefs that limit you and veto your happiness

You may not be aware of it, but there are family beliefs that may be limiting you.. They are like an invisible bag that you carry on your back, a load of silent commands, of messages established in your mind since you were a child that may be preventing you from growing. Deactivating them is not an easy task, because they are rooted in the depths of your psychological architecture.

Albert Ellis, the well-known psychotherapist and founder of rational emotive therapy (RET), based his approach on that same purpose. A good part of our psychological well-being comes precisely from the need to downplay all those irrational and limiting thoughts.. Our way of interpreting reality is frequently nourished by those phrases that others have instilled in us for quite some time.

It’s always a good time to make a change. People become what we believe we are.. And these beliefs are in turn influenced by voices from yesterday that continue to have excess power in us. It’s time to diffuse those harmful echoes of the past. For health and well-being.

Family beliefs that limit you

Much of what you say, decide, do (and don’t do) is the result of what you think. We could say that when it comes to making decisions and processing what surrounds us, we do so spontaneously and freely. It is our “SELF” that governs and orchestrates everything—we tell ourselves innocently—. However, the reality is not this. Much of what you think is based on beliefs that you have not passed through a critical filter..

There are not only family beliefs that limit you. Society, friendships and our contexts also shape your opinions, perspectives and perceptions. So, this happening is normal. The important thing is that you are able to detect those more functional thoughts (beliefs).

Research work, such as those carried out at the University of Pamukkale (Turkey) on non-logical or irrational beliefs, point out something that we should think about. There are ideas that we assume and take for granted without thinking or reflecting on them. What’s more, they serve as protectors to avoid cognitive dissonance and we do not even admit that they contradict them.

To do this, below we point out a series of family beliefs that limit you.

1. You are not good at this, it runs in the family. Better not even try

If our mind were a plot of arable land, certain family beliefs would be like weeds that need to be removed. It is very common for fathers, mothers, grandparents, uncles, etc. They tend to label children early. “Pedro is just as clumsy in mathematics as his father.”. “Marta is like her older sister, a sucker for sports.”

Comparing and invalidating children because at a specific moment they do not seem to be competent at something is a recurring mistake. Maybe, In adulthood we continue to assume that it is better not to try certain things because someone once told us that we were worthless…

2. Don’t trust… (women, men, your friends, etc.)

Distrust is a dimension that is often transmitted from parents to children. Fears and prejudices are like mold that passes from one generation to the next.. Thus, among the most common family beliefs that we tend to inherit are reluctance to place trust in people because—according to our parents—at some point, they will betray us.

3. Family always comes first

The family is an important pillar in every person’s life, it is true. However, we cannot make this idea an absolute axiom. There are particular circumstances that may justify, for example, having to leave the family of origin aside for mental health reasons.

Therefore, Sometimes our beliefs make us assume that, although certain family figures treat us badly, it is our obligation to put up with it..

4. Nobody is going to love you

«With that character that you have, no one is going to love you», «look at yourself, if you don’t take better care of your physical appearance no one is going to like you»… There are many people who drag behind them that slab, that of a distorted self-image due to all the messages received in childhood and adolescence.

Sometimes, the way we perceive ourselves is mediated by those family beliefs. It’s time to deactivate them.

5. Family beliefs that were instilled in you: Life is very difficult, settle for the minimum!

Indeed, life is not a walk or a game of ludo. Life is a journey full of unforeseen events, but that does not mean we are going to give up without even leaving port to sail. Assuming that there are things that are better not to try or that the most appropriate thing is to settle for what we find, is not a good approach for our human development..

Research work, such as those carried out at the University of California regarding non-logical or irrational beliefs, pointed out something worth thinking about. There are ideas that we assume and take for granted without thinking or reflecting on them. What’s more, to avoid cognitive dissonance we do not even admit that they contradict us.

So this explains why Many times family beliefs lead us to remain in the comfort zone. Challenging what we have been told involves courage and even confronting many of our mental schemas. However, doing so is a priority.

6. You have no talent, so don’t dream of impossible things

Don’t dream, don’t speculate, don’t build castles in the air and put your feet in the dream. You don’t have talent, so stop the nonsense because what you should do is make a living in practical things.

There are many adults whose wings were cut very early on with the classic idea that what they dreamed of was of no use. There are few things more harmful than shattering a child’s ideals, dreams and castles in the air. Believing that what we dream and desire are mere entelechies leads us to a life that is too gray and ordinary..

7. Family beliefs that we take for granted: don’t complain, in this life you have to be strong

“Don’t cry, don’t protest, don’t complain, hide that bad face… Life is hard and you have to endure it!”. These types of family beliefs that we were inoculated with during our early years usually have serious consequences.

The obligation to always be strong and be able to handle everything is the basis of our psychological suffering. We have the right to be vulnerable, to protest, to cry and to regret what hurts.. Let’s deactivate these types of ideas from our minds and we will gain happiness…

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