“I am 45 years old and I am in the sixth month of pregnancy. Give me the right to this boldness”

“I am 45 years old and I am in the sixth month of pregnancy. I realize that I am a stranger to society. Now that my belly is already prominent under whatever clothes I wear, no one, but no one, dares to comment on it. Some doubt it and others naturally think I’m fat. For people, pregnancy at this age must be some kind of taboo. Something unlikely, strange, dangerous…

I had never thought about becoming a mother when, at 27 years old, a maddening desire to get pregnant came and so Isabel was born, now 17 years old. Then, at the age of 38, I had Olivia. These two pregnancies were very smooth, healthy and worry-free.

I no longer thought about getting pregnant and I was scared when I found out I was expecting another baby. I even thought it would be impossible, since I was over 40. I was very tense, due to my age and being in a new relationship, after 14 years of being married. At first, my husband was apprehensive, then he got excited, since it is his first child. My daughters were happy right away, they support me and make plans, think of names for their little sister (yes, she is another girl). My parents didn’t have a good reaction, but I think out of concern for me. And all the friends were very surprised.

Now, nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared me for my first prenatal appointment. As I have no health plan, I went to the SUS. The attending physician doubted me and asked for my pregnancy test. Coldly, he asked twice if I was sure I was really pregnant! Then he said that he could not assist me there and sent me to a hospital where I was referred to the “high risk” sector, among other pregnant women with serious problems: diabetics, hypertensives, depressives, drug addicts, etc… Because of that stamp on my medical records, I am unable to have a natural delivery. I also had a consultation with another obstetrician, who scolded me: How can a woman your age get pregnant like that, “accidentally”? Absurd! Let’s do a tubal ligation, otherwise you’ll get pregnant again!

It is shocking how there are almost no reports and information about pregnancy at this age. When they exist, they are just to make you terrified, afraid of malformations in the child, traumatic births, among other problems. Physically I feel good. Some pain in the legs and back, reflux, some tiredness and heightened emotional sensitivity, nothing that pregnant women in their 20s or 30s can’t feel too. My exams are normal, my pressure is ok, I don’t have gestational diabetes, anemia, nothing. The child is developing as expected. I’ve already done the ultrasound that checks for possible genetic anomalies and the result was good. However, I read reports of babies who were born with chromosomal syndromes and the mother’s age is always the main risk factor. I still think about doing more accurate exams, such as amniocentesis, because I want to calm down. I also hope that my daughter will be a quiet child, I certainly don’t have as much physical energy as I used to. And it worries me, just a little bit, that I’ll live long enough to get her old enough to fend for herself. I want to be able to mother this child for as long as possible. I do the math and find that when she’s 35, I’ll be 80!

But I have a vocation to be a mother. Having another child is perfecting my technique and my personality, because I realize that there is an opportunity for us to improve a lot as a person. This time, as it was a surprise at this “advanced” age, I felt like it was a blessing. For a second I thought about not having one, but I didn’t have the courage. So many people want to get pregnant and can’t, and I’m here with one more chance to put someone in the world, who can come to help and not to hinder. I’ll face it despite what others will think, family, world, will judge me, but here I go again!

Older women can get pregnant like me, naturally or by some artificial means and we have to be prepared for that. Motherhood changed my life, my personality. I am blessed to be able to be a mother. Give me the right to this boldness.”