How to stop comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself to others is not necessarily bad behavior. It is even considered an essential and inevitable process in everyday life. The problem occurs when it becomes recurring and becomes a determinant of personal worth.

For example, if to feel better about yourself you need to evaluate yourself in relation to others and contrast your achievements and failures with those of other people, Your value may be set by the comparisons you make. This, in addition to hurting you, is not fair to you, since your mood will largely depend on it.

In this article, we will give you some compelling reasons to stop comparing yourself to others and we will also tell you how to do it.

Why do you compare yourself to others?

The theory of social comparison, proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, maintains that People have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often in comparison to others. Festinger believed that individuals compare themselves as a way of establishing a reference point by which they can make accurate evaluations of themselves.

The social comparison process involves knowing yourself through the evaluation of your own attitudes, skills, and traits. In most cases, this comparative process takes place with those in the same group or with similar people. There are two types of social comparison: upward social comparison and downward social comparison.

Upward social comparison

This happens when We compare you to those you think are better than you.. These upward comparisons often focus on the desire to improve your current state or skill level. We could compare you to someone better and look for ways to achieve similar results.

It’s when you compare yourself to others who are worse off than you. Such downward comparisons often focus on making you feel better about your skills or traits. You may not be good at something, but at least you are better than others.

Reasons to stop comparing yourself to others

Some of the negative consequences derived from the habit of comparing yourself with others are the following:

You are wasting your time: When you constantly compare yourself to others you focus on what you don’t have, instead of what you do have and can strengthen. You adopt a look from lack. Also, the comparison places your attention on another person who has nothing to do with you, her personal biography is totally different, so there is little point in doing it. Keep in mind that the only way to improve is to focus on yourself.Weaken your self-esteem: Comparison leads you to think that your life or situation is less favorable than that of others on a general level. It can also lead you to underestimate your achievements, your strengths, your qualities, etc. In the long run, this will undermine your security and dignity, causing self-rejection.Decreases your mood: Comparisons, when they are upward, usually affect the way you feel in a negative way, since they focus your attention on what you don’t have or the mistakes you have made.Prevents you from establishing healthy relationships: If you are constantly comparing yourself to others and trying to be better than them, it will be difficult for you to establish long-lasting, quality relationships. Comparison often arouses feelings of envy and competition towards people who share a bond.

Tips to stop comparing yourself to others

It will not be easy to break this habit, more than anything because it will be very automated.. However, with practice and little by little, it is possible. These tips can help you.

1. Accept that you compare yourself to others

If you are not able to recognize that you live comparing yourself to others, you will hardly be able to solve it. Therefore, The first step is to accept this reality. It sounds simple, but it is not. Therefore, it is essential that you be alert to take action on the matter.

To recognize it, identify your dissatisfactions, the desire to become or be equal to another person. Observe how you behave with another person and reflect on whether you feel envious of them. Do you want to have what she has? Do you feel like she is better than you? Always keep in mind in what context the comparison arises, with what subjects and what emotions it generates in you. If you want, write down your observations in a journal, so you can better analyze your patterns.

2. Keep in mind the damage you do to yourself

Reflect on the effects that comparisons with others have on you. How do they make you feel? What do they lead you to do? You are causing this discomfort to yourself unnecessarily, while the other person ignores what you are doing.

When you don’t stop comparing yourself to other people, your strength and spirit fade, while dissatisfaction with life increases. Comparing absorbs a lot of energy and makes you forget all the good things you have and are.

3. Reduce your time on social media

This advice may seem strange to you, but nowadays social networks have a great weight in our daily lives. Most people only show the positive aspects of their life, which gives the impression that they have no problems or difficulties. Therefore, It’s easy to fall into the false belief that you don’t measure up or that you’re not good enough like them..

Almost no one shows flaws, weaknesses or problems on social networks, so comparisons in this area are formed through an illusion. That is why we recommend you limit your time on these platforms to stop comparing yourself to others.

4. Focus on learning, rather than competing

Nobody is perfect. Feeling bad when comparing yourself to others is a sign that you do not have enough humility to accept that it is possible to learn from someone else. Therefore, If you are going to compare yourself, let it be from an attitude of learning and inspiration. Thus, the comparison, instead of causing you discomfort, will be rewarding and enriching.

If you have an attitude of learning and development, you can get a lot out of comparison. If you experience discomfort when comparing yourself, it is likely that you are focusing on competing. The key is to learn and grow, not seek to impose yourself on others or desire to be more than another.

5. Make peace with imperfection

We repeat: no one is perfect, we will never be, since there will always be something to learn or improve. To have a fuller life you must be able to develop a good attitude In the face of mistakes and defeats, only then can you make the best of them and learn.

By comparing yourself with others you distance yourself from the possibility of continuing learning, in addition to maintaining yourself in the false illusion that you need the other to be inferior to feel good about yourself, which takes you further and further away from what you really are and want.

6. Consider where you want to go

One of the most important aspects is to be clear what you intend to achieve, that is, what are your objectives and goals in relation to your values. And then think about how you can achieve it. For example: what are you going to do to express yourself better or to be more organized? What are the steps to follow to direct your project?

It’s about putting the focus on yourself, instead of others.; to spend your time on what you can do so that your objectives are met and even reviewing some of them to see if they are adjusted or need to be changed. To refocus on yourself every time you compare yourself, ask yourself the following:

What exactly do I see in the other person that I would like to have? Would that thing that I envy me be really satisfying? Is he better than me for having that? If I had that, would I value myself more or should I start valuing First, what I already have? Do I value myself through others? In what other ways and what other things could I begin to value myself? What aspects of myself do I value and that make me feel proud?

To conclude, stopping comparing yourself with others is not easy, but it is worth it. It helps you stop looking from lack to have a better relationship with yourself, one in which you are your friend, instead of your main enemy. If you feel that this situation is overwhelming you, do not hesitate to seek psychological help. A mental health specialist will offer you the right tools to stop comparing yourself to others.

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