How to save your marriage: 9 tips that can be the starting point

When two people get married, they certainly expect this to be a lasting relationship and bring happiness. However, unfortunately, some situations, behaviors and even reasons beyond the will and knowledge of those involved can lead the couple to face moments of crisis in their marriage.

Psychologist Bianca Benevenuti, who works on the ZENKLUB platform, comments that there are several reasons that can lead a marriage to a “serious crisis” such as, for example, believing to be the holder of the truth, not sharing dreams and ideals, not supporting the spouse or stop having fun and laughing at each other (especially in the most turbulent moments). “But, I would point to the lack of communication as the main reason that accentuates the crisis in the marriage”, she points out.

An important point is to know that in all relationships – including the happiest and most lasting ones – there are periods of “greater closeness” and periods of “greater distance” between the couple. The birth of a child, for example, a busy period of employment, unemployment, among many other events, can generate higher levels of stress – which, inevitably, can lead to arguments and even a certain distance between the spouses. However, bearing in mind the importance of dialogue, everything is usually resolved in the best way.

However, many times, a couple takes time to realize or avoids accepting the problems and, in this way, the situation can get worse, bringing up the sad question: “how to save the marriage?”

There is no recipe for this issue, which is very personal, however, paying attention to some “advice” can be the starting point for a couple to open up to new possibilities, decide to stay together and fight for their marriage.

1. Don’t walk away from the other

Psychologist Bianca Benevenuti comments that, in order to save the marriage, it is necessary to end the vicious cycle that usually happens when the marriage does not go well. “The cycle of: being hurt, moving away from the other, not talking, not trying to resolve the issues and, with that, staying hurt and, thus, continuing…”, she says.

To put an end to this situation, according to the psychologist, it is necessary for the person to reduce the certainties he has about life, to stop believing that he is the holder of the truth. “It is necessary to listen to the other and consider, before being reactive. Talk, instead of getting annoyed for believing that you are not being understood, try to point out what is not in agreement”, she guides.

2. Invest in small gestures

A common mistake among many couples, especially those who have been together for many years, is to think that the other has already been conquered and that they do not miss small gestures of affection and attention.

It is important, then, to insert some feelings and attitudes in everyday life, such as admiration, mutual exchange of affection and companionship. How about starting (or going back) saying “good morning” as soon as they wake up; wish the other a “good job” before leaving home; at night, ask how the day was; Why not give each other a “seal” every time you see each other again throughout the day and/or go out to different places? These are simple gestures, but they can make all the difference in the couple’s routine!

3. Assess and change your own behaviors

When a marriage doesn’t go well, the person is more likely to “blame” the other for it. But, it is important to stop and reflect: “What has been my role in this bad phase of the relationship? Have I also contributed to the worsening of the situation or am I really trying to save the marriage?”

It is worth remembering that no one saves a marriage alone, in the same way that, usually, both parties are collaborating to make the marriage go wrong. In other words, you can’t blame the other for everything! You need to evaluate the relationship as a whole, recognize your own mistakes and, if necessary, change some of your behaviors.

You don’t have to wait for someone else’s attitude. If you want, for example, a more romantic atmosphere in the relationship, provide this and also talk to him about your tastes – do it without any charges, but through positive attitudes and demonstrations.

4. Remember that communication is a powerful ally

Recognizing that the marriage is not going well, a very important step is to remember that communication is the foundation of any relationship. “Believing in the myth that, at the moment of crisis, ‘the less I speak, the more I keep my feelings, time passes and everything is resolved’ is not effective”, highlights the specialist.

“Communication is the best tool in marriage for resolving conflicts and differences of views. It is necessary to remember that both come from different families, with different customs. Marriage is the formation of two individuals with different universes, values ​​and beliefs. The truth is not in the way of seeing of either party, but in the new way of seeing that both will create together. This takes time, dedication, patience and will”, highlights Bianca.

5. Get out of the routine a little

Booking a trip you’ve always planned to take or even taking a quick weekend getaway are great opportunities to create romance. But, of course, traveling is not the only option to get out of the rut.

Those who have children, for example, can seek a moment alone between the couple for a pleasant conversation, for the exchange of affection…

The couple can go out to dinner, go to the movies, in short, do any program they haven’t done for a long time and that, naturally, will encourage good coexistence and affection between the two.

6. Look for couples therapy

“Seeking couples therapy in moments of uncertainty, conflict or emotional pain is a decision favorable to behavioral change and maintenance of well-being, as limits are expanded, limiting beliefs are questioned, giving rise to new possibilities”, explains Bianca. .

7. Remember how it all started and admire each other

Try to remember how you met, fell in love and decided to live together. Talk about it, of course, without forcing the bar, in a natural way!

Remember the qualities you saw in him. Admiration is often left aside over the years, leaving room for the exaltation of flaws and complaints in the relationship. Therefore, in this moment of crisis in marriage, it is very important to remember that there are no perfect people… doses of compassion and affection.

But, of course, that’s no excuse to idealize your partner! Once again, communication is the keyword. Respecting the other is an obligation in a relationship; close your eyes to behaviors you don’t agree with, no! So the way is to talk!

8. Don’t despair

If you hope to save your marriage, know that it won’t happen overnight. You have to act, of course, but also have a good dose of patience.

“At this stage, you can’t isolate yourself, try to solve the issues alone, become aggressive, hopeless, get anxious about time, hoping for quick results”, highlights Bianca.

9. Evaluate how “worth it”

Those who marry certainly want this relationship to be “forever”. However, sometimes this is not fulfilled… In some cases, “staying together” means giving up your own happiness and values.

So, in a moment of crisis, it is important to stop and reflect: “Can I really save this marriage? Is this what I want and is this what my partner wants too?”

How to know to what extent it is worth “running after”? If there is still love, probably everything can be right. However, “when one doesn’t want to, two don’t do it”. So, if, between both of you, or, for at least one of the sides, “love is over”, it can be difficult to move on.

“Just questioning how this love has been expressed shows that there is still a possibility… Possibilities of changes, rearrangements and resignifications. But questioning the meaning, the meaning, the love, makes the maintenance of the relationship a little more complicated”, comments Bianca.

But, to save the marriage, there are rules?! Certainly not! Each case is unique and must be respected in its particularities. The essential thing is the dialogue between the couple, and no one else! Only the two parties involved will be able to enter – or not – into an agreement and thus rekindle the love and desire to be together – which were probably the feelings that brought them together!