How to maintain a trusting relationship with your child’s nanny

She works at home, has no less responsibility than taking care of your son and is there with the mission of putting into practice – far away from your eyes – all the recommendations that you believe are best for him.

You don’t have to go much further to understand why the relationship between parent and nanny is so different from any other involving employer and employee. “In it, the emotional and the professional mix at all times”, says psychoanalyst Rohenkhol, from São Paulo. “Although she feels calm when she finds someone she trusts, sharing the care and affection of the baby with a stranger is not always a comfortable situation for the mother.” The nanny, in turn, explains , also tends to heat up the drama: as she is normally attached to the child, she tends to see the boss/mother’s supervision as distrust of her love for the baby – and not as a matter of work method.

Parents decide their child’s routine

“No matter how much you like the nanny and spend a lot of time with her, the child does not tend to confuse her with the mother”, says psychologist Ceres de Araújo, from São Paulo. “Although this is one of the great fears of parents, the existence of a bond with a third person does not interfere with the child’s affective bond with them.” The child needs to realize, however, who is in charge. Even if the nanny is experienced, don’t leave it up to her to define your child’s routine. Doesn’t the little one care much when you arrive? He doesn’t beat himself up. “He knows how much parents like to receive affection and denying it, many times, is an unconscious resource to attract them”, explains Rohenkhol. Just be careful to make the most of your time at home.

Learn to read baby messages

“The best camera is still the child”, says . Sudden changes in behavior, sleep or food may indicate that something is wrong in the relationship with the person who stays with her most of the day. “A good thermometer is the time it takes the nanny to win her over”, observes Tânia. “If in five days the baby still rejects you, I suggest you look for another professional. 🇧🇷

She left. And now?

Usually underestimated by parents, the loss of a beloved babysitter is one of the events with the greatest emotional impact on the child, who considers her a member of the family and feels guilty about the abandonment. “It is essential that it be clarified from an early age that the nanny is there on duty, that she has another family and that, despite being very fond of her, one day she will work elsewhere”, advises . Even if it is a difficult time for both, it is also important that the nanny says goodbye to the child

At the time of selection

Investing time in interviewing candidates increases the chances of finding a good professional.

· Ask questions that require a detailed answer. Instead of: “Do you like children?”, ask: “Why did you choose to work with children?”

· Check references, even if you hire through an agency.

· Find out about her training and experience, but the most important thing is to observe if the nanny shows affection for the child and knows how to accept instructions.

· The nanny has the same labor rights as a domestic worker. Registering it is mandatory and reinforces the professional relationship.