How to maintain a casual relationship: 7 rules you have to follow –

Commitment is not for everyone. You may have other priorities in life, or you may not feel ready to establish a very serious relationship.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with this. Not all people are the same!

Many individuals who do not feel really comfortable with traditional relationships allow themselves to be carried away by the social pressure that “that’s how things are” and end up establishing relationships that they are really not sure about.

It is also common that, after ending a long relationship, you want to take some time without establishing anything serious, but you do not want to give up the benefits of company and intimacy from time to time.

Others have the ability to admit that formal relationships are not their thing, and establish occasional or casual relationships, even with several people at the same time, or sequentially and quickly.

I repeat: there are no “right” or “wrong” ways to have a relationship. As long as you don’t tell lies, don’t pretend what isn’t and everything is consensual.

We know that what suits you is what is good. But it is naive to deny that casual relationships do not lead to a series of difficulties. Even because they are different from the common denominator, they can present more problems.

Casual relationships also involve maintenance and effort, although in different amounts and levels than formal, exclusive relationships. Just because there are no long-term commitment bonds, it does not mean that you can use as you wish or play with the other person’s feelings.

The golden rule also applies here “never do to anyone what you would not want done to you.” As simple as that.

And speaking of rules, we can list some of the rules that you should always take into account in a casual relationship, to prevent someone from hurting your feelings, or ending up hurting someone else’s.

What are casual relationships?

The commonly accepted definition of casual relationships implies that they are relationships with no expectation of monogamy or long-term commitment on the part of either partner.

As a general rule, casual relationships are less romantically intense, or at least that is expected.

I mean neither participant is encouraged to fall in love with the other, and both try to keep their emotions away from romantic expectations.

Some casual relationships are strictly sexual, but others can occur between people who are united by other types of ties. They may be excellent friends, co-workers or even ex-partners with whom we want to continue being intimate.

It is a mistake to think that all casual relationships last very little. Some people settle in for years by having casual relationships, from which they can even lead to a great friendship and other types of commitments, even if they are not romantic.

Casual relationships involve a very different management of emotions and individual needs.

Basically, while in traditional relationships the feelings of both are their business, in casual relationships, each person manages and deals with their part without holding the other responsible.

Of course, this is only talking about the ideal theory, because in practice casual relationships can be much more difficult than they sound. In the end, we are still human beings with desires, vulnerabilities and needs that can be (and surely will be) different from those of others.

These are the most important rules of casual relationships:

1.- Put the cards on the table

If you want to have or are having a casual relationship with someone, make sure the other person is aware that you are not serious.

It may be very obvious to you, but you must remember that most people still consider traditional relationships to be the only scheme under which two people can be intimate.

It is very common that, after the first casual encounter, one of the parties involved is perfectly convinced that they have just started a formal relationship solely because there was some type of physical intimacy.

It may be a little awkward, but before you dive into deeper waters with someone, make it clear that you’re not looking for something formal and that there are no commitments or promises involved.

Remember that you should always do this before getting involved on a physical level, otherwise the person may be very hurt and feel used.

Many do not mention that they are in favor of casual relationships until after they manage to sleep with the other, and it goes without saying that this is an ignoble and completely unethical act.

You may miss out on some opportunities to have sex if you say you want a casual encounter. But at least you won’t miss the opportunity to behave like a gentleman or a lady.

Read our guide on the 15 rules of open relationships for a better love life

2.- Establish the rules of the game

All relationships, whether serious, casual, open or polygamous, are different and have their own terms, for the simple fact that people are not the same, they have different expectations and needs.

Maybe you already know that you don’t want a commitment or an obligation of monogamy. But there are many things you can still negotiate.

Just because it’s a casual relationship doesn’t mean it has to be all on your terms.

It’s as simple as this: if you’re interested in a casual relationship with someone, it means that person has something you want. And, if the other person wants this type of relationship with you, it is because you have something that interests them.

First, find out if what you both want is compatible. If they just want sex, perfect! But beware of the trap.

Many people start believing or making others believe that they only want sex, and end up needing affection and bonding.

That is why successful casual relationships occur only between two people who know what they want, and who are in a position to negotiate and comply with what is stipulated.

Never promise something you can’t keep. Never demand something that is unfair to the other person.

3.- Keep it simple

The point of a casual relationship is that it’s supposed to be fun and easy to get along with. Needless to say, dramas, jealousy and problems should be left out of the dynamic.

To achieve this, it is important that we understand that there are two things that lead directly to intensity: beginning to emotionally need the other and assuming that they have responsibilities of some kind with us.

It’s not like you can 100% avoid starting to develop feelings that you’re not supposed to in a casual relationship. But you can keep them at bay if you don’t encourage idealization or expectations of the other person in yourself.

By the way, you’re probably thinking about the many cases of people who start out having a casual relationship and end up getting married, right? Well, leave it to the romance movie industry.

Of course it is not impossible for something like this to happen, but it is rare that two people who start with occasional meetings decide at the same time that they always want to formalize it.

Let’s say that, in a casual relationship, the main threat is romance. Because it usually arises in the head of one of the two and can end up making things very uncomfortable for both of them.

This doesn’t mean that they don’t have a good time, or that they aren’t friends and don’t care about each other. But they leave out the romantic expectations and obligations that they normally assume in a courtship.

Pay attention to the details you have with the other person and try to keep them away from those that are normally linked to falling in love.

Do you want to have a gesture of kindness that is not interpreted as romance? put their favorite station in the car. Be interested in their life and be a good listener.

You don’t need to give flowers, call in the wee hours of the morning, or light candles. Also avoid keeping track of or celebrating “dates.” “We’ve been dating for two months” is not a good topic of conversation.

It’s not that conversations have to be superfluous and banal. You can enter into a very deep philosophical discussion with the other or become interested in their life or work.

They can even talk about how they feel about other aspects of their life. They can, when necessary, talk about how they feel about each other. But when the latter becomes a recurring theme, you may have to accept that one or both of you is not so comfortable with a casual relationship.

The limit of emotional openness with someone with whom you have a casual relationship should never exceed that you experience with a friend.

Finally, when you start to notice that the other person is developing romantic feelings towards you, even if they don’t tell you, it is your responsibility to put a stop to the relationship to prevent them from getting hurt.

Try not to be selfish and not allow someone to fall in love just because you want to keep the benefits.

4.- Avoid the “important moments”

By this we mean those moments that traditionally make up the important milestones of formal relationships. For example, introducing your friends or meeting the other person’s friends could be misinterpreted as a sign that there is something more going on.

Sometimes there are casual relationships that lend themselves to joining the circle of friendship, but they are very rare. As for the family, it is best to leave it completely away from the casual relationship.

Normally, we present exclusively formal couples to our parents, siblings or relatives. Even if you have a “no seriousness” agreement, if you do it you are sending a very contradictory message.

Do not cross limits that will later be difficult for you to reverse. It’s that simple. Integrating someone into your social circle is a sign that you hope the relationship lasts, and although it could happen, one of the golden rules is precisely to put expectations aside to avoid getting hurt or disappointed.

Other important details in formal relationships that should be avoided in casual ones are anniversaries or time counts, starting to have a space for personal things in each other’s house or vice versa, going shopping together, etc.

If this starts to happen, but you both feel comfortable, perhaps it is a good time to rethink the relationship and make sure that you are both still on the same emotional channel.

Read our guide on 20 ways to know if your new relationship is serious

5.- Don’t let it become too frequent

It doesn’t make much sense to say you’re in a casual relationship when you and the other person are hanging out three or four times a week.

Precisely, the term “occasional” tells us that for a relationship to fall into this category, the encounters must be just that, occasional.

Precisely, one of the signs that a relationship is becoming more serious is that they begin to spend more time together.

You may have no problem going out more than twice a week with the other person. But remember that a big part of the success of informal relationships is not sending the wrong signals to the other.

To you, it may not mean much that someone casually goes with you to the grocery store or to walk the dog, but to the other party…