How to get over the death of a mother

When it comes to overcoming the death of a mother, there are no magic recipes or quick strategies. Although we harbor a tacit assurance that this experience will come at some point, no one is prepared for it. It doesn’t matter that we are already adults and that we have previously dealt with other losses, adversities and dramas of other types and other emotional textures.

The loss of a maternal figure is one of the most painful experiences.. It is one of the most traumatic events that human beings experience. It is true that everything depends on the relationship we had with that family figure. However, on average, the bond created with them traces an alliance of great meanings, supports, attachments and an affection of which they become the backbone.

The writer Joan Didion said in her excellent book The year of magical thinking in which he addressed the topic of grief, that life passes quickly and sometimes it can change us in an instant. And that someone who has recently lost a loved one has a particular expression, one that only those who have gone through the same thing recognize.

How can we deal with this circumstance that we will all have to go through at some point?

Strategies to overcome the death of a mother

There is no set amount of time one must go through to get over the death of a mother. We never really get over it completely, but we learn to live with that loss. This means that two, three or five years may pass and, suddenly, you will need to mourn that absence again at some specific moment. And for this to happen is perfectly normal.

A study from the University of North Texas points to the need to always have good support. It is true that each person faces grief in their own way; some will need more time and others less. It is also true that these losses can be sudden or the result of a long illness.

Each reality is unique and very particular, it is true. However, What is most needed when experiencing loss is to have alliances and support in that journey through grief. Because pain is paralyzing and forces us to curl up in a ball with our body and our lives for a time.

Moment in which we will realize that for the first time in our lives we will deal with suffering without having the help of our mothers… Let’s now look at some basic strategies that can help us.

1. Allow yourself to feel every sensation, emotion and memory

Everything is valid. Every emotion that imprisons your body and mind after the death of a mother is valid and you must accept it. Rage, anger, sadness, incomprehension, frustration, longing, fear, desolation… The first days after that loss are always blurry and you have a strange feeling of unreality. Such an experience is completely normal.

2. There is no perfect grief: each person experiences it in a different way

Each duel is unique and this is something we must respect. Sometimes even two siblings can deal with that loss differently because the relationship they had with their mother was not the same. This is something we must respect. There will be those who need to cry for longer and have more moments of solitude.

On the other hand, other people will need to talk to friends and family, to feel the closeness of their loved ones constantly. There is no normative duel, therefore it is important not to push anyone to move on as soon as possible. Each one needs their time, their rhythm and their internal processes of emotional readjustment.

3. Acceptance: life will not be the same, it will be different

To overcome the death of a mother we must understand that our life will no longer be the same. Although they urge us to “return to normal,” that normality will no longer be there, it will no longer be possible. However, Acceptance of that loss will come when we understand that things will be different, but not worse.

We will adapt, because Life will move forward and we will have wonderful friends, family and couples. There will be a void in our hearts, but human beings learn to live with the emptiness of absences in many ways.

The pain for someone who is no longer there slowly transforms, like a flower that germinates into something new. In another form of love that accompanies us, that protects us…

4. Talk about our mother, remember her and allow ourselves to have bad days

You have to talk about what hurts so that it hurts less. It is good to share with our loved ones those moments lived with our mother, because remembering her is honoring her. Keeping it in mind is making it present, but ensuring that this memory does not block us, but rather drives us. Because our mother would want us happy.

She would wish for us all the happiness in the world and therefore, one way to honor her is by having a meaningful life. In addition, Let us also accept that sadness and longing will visit us from time to time.. We will have bad days, but this is perfectly normal.

5. To overcome the death of a mother, find your peace and give new meanings to your existence

Every loss forces us to reformulate many things. It is a grimace in our existence, it is true. However, To overcome the death of a mother it is necessary that little by little we find our peace. Our balance. And each one finds it in a way. There are those who become aware that he must make changes in his life so that it has greater meaning and significance.

With the loss of a loved one, we become aware of our transience and that urges us to live with greater meaning. Doing so is also a way to honor our mothers.

How to keep the family together after the death of a mother

It is true that, In some cases, the family structure may be altered after the death of a mother. This is a circumstance that can reveal relationship problems between siblings, between children and their father or other figures. It is true that each family unit has its own characteristics.

However, this traumatic loss affects us all and it will not be permissible for this structure to be undone. It’s not what our mother would have wanted. This undoubtedly forces us to make efforts, to combine intentions, commitments and wills. We all need each other and even more so in the midst of such a painful void.

Therefore, let us try to iron out differences and extinguish past resentments. Let’s restart and nourish the bond with our family members to make us stronger, so that everything built by our mother survives. Let’s support each other, look for each other, make calls, schedule frequent meetings and make plans together. Affection requires commitment and fulfilled commitment builds love and trust.

To conclude, the sadness over the loss of our mother will always be latent, but we will learn to live with that emptiness. Missing her, longing for her, remembering her when we do or see certain things is a way to make her love for her present. Finding joy again is not a betrayal, it is leading the life that she would have wanted for us.

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