Attraction and anxiety: if you make him nervous, he likes you

Attraction and anxiety always appear together. When we are in front of someone we are attracted to, whom we desire or with whom we are madly in love, our body always goes ahead. Nerves appear, sweating, a knot in the stomach, dry mouth and that feeling of clumsiness.

The truth is that nothing is as complex and fascinating at the same time as the mechanics of the attraction. We would love to control many of these reactions to improve our seduction techniques a little more. However, and here comes the really curious thing, that inherent nervousness between two people who like each other would actually act as unconscious sexual lures.

What does this mean? It means that nervous behaviors are clues to knowing that someone likes us. Something as simple as blushing, like that striking expansion of our capillaries on our cheeks, in many cases reveals feelings of desire and confusion at the same time.

Attraction and anxiety: how are they related?

When we read about seduction techniques, it is common to insist on the importance of taking care of gestures, words and every movement. However, There is a little trick that few would suggest: appear a little nervous. That’s right, attraction and anxiety always go together and showing this reality – in a fair and appropriate way – is a signal to the other.

In some way, we have all perceived these signals with someone. Seeing how they hesitate when speaking, how they appear more restless, with a nervous laugh or play with their hair gives shape to that revealing non-verbal communication. However, these manifestations are realities that we try to contain or hide because we are afraid of losing control, making a fool of ourselves, or what the other person may think.

Now, we must be clear about one aspect: Attraction and falling in love are not silent experiences, nor are they discreet or silent: they are always noticeable.. They are vibrant, uplifting and even chaotic states. Few sensations disturb us so much and so intensely alter our neurochemical universe.

Nervousness in sexual attraction is an adaptive mechanism

Susan M. Hughes, an expert in evolutionary psychology at Albright College, conducted a study in 2020 with her colleagues to delve deeper into this topic. The objective of this work was to detail the relationship between attraction and anxiety and understand those nervous reactions when we are in front of someone we are attracted to.

Something that became evident is that the same physiological reactions almost always appear:

Nervous laughter.Facial redness.Staring at the other person.Increased heart pressure.Problems communicating (speak faster, problems expressing yourself clearly…)

In the study they point out that We assume that these nervous reactions are maladaptive when, in reality, the opposite is true.. That’s how it is. Showing these anxious traits allows us to demonstrate our desire and romantic interest in that person. The problem appears when someone does not feel interested in us, since these signals will be uncomfortable.

Attraction and anxiety: the uncomfortable and inconspicuous emotions of love

One of Charles Darwin’s most famous and controversial books was The expression of emotions in man and animals (1872). In this work he explained that When two lovers meet, their hearts race and their faces turn rosy.. This happens because love is not a passive emotion. Love is revulsive, intense and transformative.

However, as we have evolved, we try to disguise the effects of attraction and anxiety. We become obsessed with controlling our nerves, our clumsiness, our trembling voice., the look that lights up. Thus, the more we become obsessed with controlling ourselves, the more clumsy we become. And the key is not that.

The secret to seducing is to let many of those clues reveal themselves. Because The anxiety that comes from attraction is very contagious and if the other person feels the same, it will be much easier to make clear what we feel.

Your emotions always have a physiological reaction and that is normal

We call that unruly restlessness that we feel in our stomach when we are with someone we like “butterflies in the stomach.” However, it’s not butterflies, it’s anxiety. Falling in love keeps us awake, reduces our attention and even makes us hungry. All of this is also the result of an anxious state, because love correlates with this psychophysical state and, as we well know, it completely alters us.

We must remember that emotions and feelings have multiple physical correlates. Therefore, it is normal for us to feel so nervous when we like someone. The interesting thing is that experts now tell us that these reactions are not maladaptive.

That restlessness that you experience in front of that someone you desire and that keeps you awake can allow you to make clear what you feel without words in order to start that relationship sooner…

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