How to Deal with Hurtful Comments Smartly

Dealing with hurtful comments is something we learn over time. Whether we receive them frequently or not, it is always good to have some strategy at hand so as not to lose composure and react with grace, efficiency and, above all, intelligence. What’s more, now, in the online world and social networks, this is undoubtedly another reality that we must get used to.

The trolls and those figures who often, without knowing us at all, seek to harm us with some phrase or response to our statuses, photos, information shared on a blog or personal account, have also become something common. None of this is pleasant, it’s true, but Violent communication frequently appears in the real world and also the virtual one.

Knowing how to act will prevent us from falling into annoying situations. It is not good to waste more time than usual in this type of dynamics, because He who seeks to do harm does not deserve our attention more than is recommended.. Just enough to show that we are above negativity and bad arts. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Types of comments that hurt

Hurtful comments go beyond an insult. Sometimes, they tend to be very well argued and are even accompanied by small paternalistic speeches and suggestions disguised as good intentions. Thus, and as it is often said, there are words that leave us speechless, because with them are accompanied stings that sting, that attack self-esteem and even our psychological balance.

It should also be noted that if we now ask ourselves which has a greater impact, harmful comments from the real world or the online world, the answer is complicated. The phrases spoken by those closest to us (partner, family, friends) hurt.. However, sometimes real smear campaigns can be created on social networks. Sometimes, even a hurtful comment towards someone can go viral. They are therefore very delicate situations.

Let’s see, therefore, what types of painful comments we can encounter most frequently.

Words and expressions that hurt

To deal with hurtful comments it is important to listen to ourselves. We say this for something very simple. There are times when close figures tell us things that are not harmful to them. However, internally we process them as humiliating. For example, we may have in mind to enroll in a course, a university degree, or study something that simply excites us.

However, our partner, mother or brother, tells us that “what nonsense, what a way to waste time at your age.” They express their opinion without perceiving, noticing or intuiting the impact that this can have on us. Therefore, it is important to calibrate how we experience certain words and expressions such as the following:

Receiving unsolicited advice while being talked to in a patronizing manner.Treat topics that are relevant to you in a derogatory manner.Minimize your achievements or see them as unimportant facts.Undervalue or even ridicule what you like. Criticize your short- and long-term goals.Misrepresent or say things about yourself that are not true.

When we experience these situations it is very common not to react in the moment. We remain silent out of politeness and then we drift into states of mental rumination in which we review that conversation over and over again. It is not good to silence what hurts. The most appropriate thing is to react effectively and intelligently.

Strategies for dealing with hurtful comments

We have pointed it out at the beginning. The harmful comments that we take the worst are those that are given to us by those we love the most. For example, studies such as those carried out at the University of Zagrev show us that sometimes even when communicating with someone who empathizes with us, this type of aggressive communication can occur.

That is, our partner, friend or mother can understand us, but still not respect our personal reality. So let’s see how to act.

Hurtful comments are processed calmly, but not all should be let go

“Are you really going to start playing sports? But you are the laziest person in the world!; What you should do is leave that job and look for something more serious; You are too trusting and that is why you go through life so badly; Do you really like that nonsense? It’s just that no one beats you in bad taste.”

Many of these comments are harmful. The most decisive thing to deal with hurtful comments is to process them, become aware of their impact and not lose your cool.. If we act with anger, we lose everything. There will be some that are not worth it and it is better to let them pass.

Others, however, do not, because doing so would mean losing self-respect. Therefore, If something hurts, you respond and don’t let it go, but yes, we will do it intelligently.

Go beyond the hurtful phrase, ask why that attitude

Sometimes, there is something more important than the aggressive comment itself. We are concerned about why they treat us that way. The phrase that despises hides an attitude that violates and therefore it is good to confront the other. Sometimes, the other person is not even aware that they are hurting us and that is why it is important to reflect on themselves.

Dealing with hurtful comments: demand respect, motivate change and set an example

When we make the other person see the effect of their phrase or comment, it is very common for them to tell us that “we are offended for nothing.” This response is another form of manipulation. Before her, Let us calmly and maturely make clear what reasoning would have been more appropriate.:

Before the phrase “Do you really like that? It’s just that no one beats you in bad taste“, it would have been more accurate: “You have to see what curious tastes you have.”

It is important to motivate the other so that they are able to communicate with greater respect. Demanding respectful communication is something that we all have the right to ask of those in front of us.

Aggressive communication is not permissible, whoever hurts you does not love you

Disqualifications, sarcasm, irony and unsolicited advice as a form of imposition… We can all deal with hurtful comments from time to time. What’s more, sometimes, even out of simple politeness, we let them pass. The problem comes when this dynamic becomes a continuum.

When words that harm are a constant, we are dealing with someone who applies aggressive communication. No one deserves this type of daily interaction, no one has to exert this type of harmful treatment on us. Let’s be clear, whoever hurts you with words does not love you or respect you and When there are no changes or wills, it is best to distance yourself.

You might be interested…