I’m too lazy to have a partner: why does it happen to me?

You have been single for a while and the people around you are starting to put pressure on you. “Are you still without a partner?”, “When are you going to find a boyfriend?”, “Are you not planning to settle down?”, “Time is passing by…”. Despite these external pressures, The very idea of ​​pairing causes you rejection. You are not going through a grieving process nor are you waiting for the right person, you are simply too lazy to have a partner. Has it happened to you?

When it happens to us, we can feel not only confused, but also judged; And it seems that the search for the better half is mandatory. People around us may insist that we introduce ourselves to someone, that we create a profile on a dating website, or that we try to meet people.

For this reason, you may have come to wonder if there is something wrong with you. If this is your case, below we explore some possible explanations.

The main reasons why singleness is preferred

Although life as a couple is socially desirable, in reality being single has many other positive points. Possibly, many of them are what motivate the desire to maintain your current sentimental status:

Freedom and autonomy

If you don’t have a partner, you will be able to be more selfish when making decisions. There will not be occasions in which your desires are incompatible or difficult to reconcile with those of another.

Of course, in healthy relationships no one should lose their freedom. But it is no less true that reality prevails and that, at a certain point, we will have to make certain concessions in favor of the union and indirectly of the other.

There are those who prefer being single because they enjoy the freedom and autonomy it provides.

Independence

If you’ve been in relationships with controlling people, you probably greatly appreciate the peace of mind of not having to give explanations. If I’m at a meeting with friends and I’m having a good time, I won’t be able to extend it without worrying about someone telling me later that I just want to spend time with them.

Being single allows us not to have to be accountable: where we go, what we do, who we spend our time with or why we perform certain actions can be left to us. In the same way, we do not have to respond to a commitment or emotional responsibility.

The B side of not wanting to have a partner

Now, although there are people who choose this option, in other cases rejection in the form of laziness alone it’s a mask. Therefore, it may be advisable to ask yourself if you feel identified with any of the following situations:

Insecurity and low self-esteem

Establishing healthy relationships is a really complicated task when we think we have no value.. Healthy relationships are usually symmetrical relationships. If one of the two thinks that he has nothing to contribute, it is very difficult for the relationship to sustain; either because the person will feel that they have a debt with the other that only grows and grows or because it is the root of an emotional dependency that ends up suffocating the bond.

Furthermore, when our self-esteem falters, the idea of ​​looking for a partner can cause real vertigo. It is very difficult in these circumstances for the person with low self-esteem to give himself the opportunity to share his feelings, since what he anticipates from the other is rejection. An expectation that can convince us that it is better not to try.

Emotional blocks derived from past experiences

Have you experienced traumatic, painful and harmful relationships? Have you been in relationships full of uncertainty and demands in which you ended up feeling empty? If so, you may harbor certain emotional blockages.

It is possible that You have internalized the idea that a relationship is synonymous with constant sacrifice, suffering and abnegation; Of course, you do not want this for yourself, and even more so now that you have managed to rebuild yourself from the set of experiences that have precisely validated this thought for you.

Having a bad time in a previous relationship may be a reason why you prefer not to have a partner.

Fear of compromise

Finally, if you feel that you are too lazy to have a partner, it may actually be a fear of commitment that you have not yet identified. This occurs as a fear of being trapped in the relationship since it totally deprives us of freedom and autonomy; It also manifests itself as a fear of making the wrong decision, increasing our vulnerability when strengthening the relationship with another.

Ultimately, we can choose not to have a partner; We are within our rights, and as we see, we can have many non-pathological reasons for not doing so. However, it is also possible that there are certain personal or emotional conflicts to be resolved and that these reluctance are only the rug that hides a good amount of suffering underneath. Thus, it may be advisable to reflect on this and seek professional help if necessary.

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