Get back on track: how to reconcile after a big argument

There are disagreements of disagreements. Some are processed in a more or less rational manner and do not progress to adults. Others, however, give rise to phrases intemperate, high tones of voice and offenses that hurt. This is when many wonder how to reconcile after a big argument.

The issue may be more complex than it seems because retracing what has been done or denying what has been said is never entirely possible.. Something remains of that discomfort on both sides. However, when the relationship is valuable, you have to find a way to reconcile after a big argument.

Sometimes conflict is simply because something was said at the wrong time. On other occasions it is because there are already patterns inappropriate within the relationship. Whatever the case, these tips could help you know how to reconcile after a big argument.

The first step to reconcile after a big argument

If the argument was very strong and hurt sensitivities, it is best not to try to fix things quickly. You probably both have everything very fresh and have a hard time reacting calmly to any word the other says.

Taking some distance helps emotions stabilize. At the beginning, you always see the other’s mistake. As the days go by, one also usually begins to see one’s own flaws. In other words, some of the time and some distance are factors that help broaden the perspective of the problem.

Analyze the feelings involved

It is very important to reflect about what exactly was happening before the discussion. Were there any factors that altered the mood? Analyzing this allows us to identify the possible external elements that influenced the conflict. If you were tired, hungry, or upset about something, you may have simply let yourself get carried away by a bad moment.

Instead, If everything was calm and apparently normal, and yet a strong conflict broke out, you can think that the matter is more fundamental.. That is why it is good to identify all the feelings that are involved. Fears, guilt, repressed anger or similar. This way you will find a way to reconcile after a big argument.

The constructive dialogue

What follows is to look for the other person to start a dialogue. It is necessary to do it at the right time. It is not advisable to rush the processes in the desire to reconcile after a big argument. You must read the other’s signals and understand if they still feel very hurt or if they have already stabilized their anger..

First You must tell that person that you want to talk to them to clarify what happened. If her response is reticent, she probably needs a little more time.. If you agree, if possible, it is best to find a different place than usual, one that is quiet.

Basically you must explain what you feel and how you feel. Talk about how the other person’s actions or words made you feel. Refer only to your feelings. Don’t try to guess or assign feelings to the other.. That other person is in charge of that, to whom you must listen carefully and without interrupting them.

To make conclusions

If when talking they realize that everything happened simply because they were carried away by impulses, it is advisable to analyze the patterns of the relationship.. Is it very common for this to happen? Why is there no control over emotional reactions? What can be done to give more mature management to emotions?

What follows is to validate the other’s feelings and take responsibility for your own.. In other words, it is advisable for each of you to express to the other that you understand her feelings and that you are sorry for having hurt him. Also recognize what part of the responsibility corresponds to you in the situation.

Forgive and heal

Mutual forgiveness is a pact that both people should be willing to keep. It means the commitment of the will not to fall into mistakes again. that sparked the discussion. It is advisable that this forgiveness be mutual. Maybe one of the two was more aggressive, but to fight it always takes two.

If a similar situation arises again, it is necessary to review the patterns in which the relationship operates.. Many times, without realizing it, we introduce inappropriate ways of relating to others. This is a deeper case, which must be examined carefully.

Sometimes the path to reconciling after a big argument is relatively clear. Other times, not so much. In the latter case, perhaps a constructive dialogue is not enough, but rather it is necessary to undertake a deeper process..

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