Why are you defensive?

Thus, when we adopt this role, we transform ourselves. Our entire body becomes alert, speaking for ussince body language indicates that there is tension, rigidity and a defensive attitude.

Besides, our non-verbal language is modified with respect to another situation in which this attitude is not exercised. Used a more serious tone, faster speaking speed, facial expressions of discomfort, unpleasantness and even danger. Without a doubt, even if we don’t say a word, being defensive is a way of relating to the world that transforms us and makes itself noticed.

How do we defend ourselves?

In addition to body and non-verbal language, we also express ourselves in a certain way when we are defensive. Our words are intended to protect us from possible attack or danger, so we can make use of justifications, attacks or reproaches against the other.

In many cases, the way of expressing ourselves is inappropriate and disrespectfulgiven that we feel hurt, uncomfortable or angry with our surroundings, for what happened or for what we imagine is going to happen.

It is possible that as a result of discomfort, as the saying goes “The best defense is a good offense”and without having too many reasons, let’s use attack, reproach, irony, sarcasm or even hurtful expressions, with the intention that this will safeguard us or put us in the same situation as the person we have to protect ourselves from.

Sometimes we think more about how we are going to defend ourselves from an attack, even if it has not occurred, rather than taking advantage of the situation, enjoying it or simply learning from it. However, far from protecting us, Being defensive harms us, since every time we find ourselves immersed in that attitude, the discomfort is greater.

In reality we do not protect ourselves from anything or anyone; we are more exposed, showing the other person our feelings and our lack of strategies to fit in and deal effectively with the situation.

Why do we fall into a defensive attitude?

Without a doubt, when we fall into Maintaining a defensive attitude is because we do not feel safe, or in other words, we do not feel strong or secure with ourselves.. Therefore, we need to protect ourselves, defend ourselves and in some way, make it known.

However, the studies related to this topic are surprising. For example, the one carried out by Matthijs Baas, from the University of Amsterdam (Holland) in 2009. His objective was test the creativity of a group of angry and defensive students, and another made up of sad young people.

The conclusions of this experiment were surprising: the angry group produced more ideas, these were more original and less redundant than those of the other group. That is to say, They were better at unstructured or innovative thinking. In Baas’s words, “anger prepares the body to mobilize resources. It gives us enough energy to get out of it.” But if it is intense, persistent and maladaptive, then we must discard it.

How to face situations in another way?

First of all, you have to do a effort to perceive external situations as objectively as possiblethat is, without attributing to them the danger that will make us become defensive.

It is more suitable, observe the situation as a spectator before interpreting it and thus, we will not feel attacked by it. Since it is possible that there are other, less alarming explanations for this situation and that will not require our defensive attitude, it is possible that it is not an attack at all.

Definitely, To protect ourselves it is necessary to work with and for our personal safetyTo do this, it is important to take adequate care of our self-esteem and self-concept.

Knowing ourselves enough to be clear about who we are, what we want in life and how we are going to achieve it, will be a good support so that what happens around us does not affect us, since it will not be an attack, but rather a mere dissenting opinion. or different from ours.

As long as we are clear about who we are and how we will pursue our dreams, we will not need to be defensive, as we will feel safe because of it.

What we gain by overcoming this attitude

Adopting a defensive attitude prevents us from genuinely experiencing the real situations that are occurring in front of us and from getting the most out of them. In other words, if we give up this way of relating we can:

Learn about other perspectives or different points of view; which translates into greater mental flexibility.Build strong, supportive relationships.Experience more easily the affection that our social circle transmits to us.Feel relaxed and confident in any relationship.Promote a more positive self-concept and stronger self-esteem.You might be interested…